Calvin and Hobbes III: Double Trouble REWRITTEN
by garfieldodie
Summary: A rewritten version of Swing123's original fic. An important event in Calvin's life is put in jeopardy when he and Hobbes are kidnapped by a mysterious man, right when Rupert and Earl begin their invasion of Earth. COMPLETE!
1. Museum Musings

**Author's Notes:** _Yes! It's finally here! The rewritten version of Double Trouble is on its way! Sorry for keeping you all waiting so long! Hope it's worth the wait!_

* * *

 _A small jet cut across the sky high above the grounds of a war-torn Iraq._

 _An obviously younger John Chill in a marine uniform sat on a cot with a blanket hanging on a steel bed-frame in front of him acting as a makeshift windshield. The cot and blanket were positioned against a small sand dune, adjacent to a few other soldiers who were doing their own part to keep themselves sheltered from the freezing night winds of the desert._

 _John was silently reading an unmarked novel, while occasionally checking his watch and the sky._

 _Suddenly, a significantly stronger gust of wind cut through the area and the blanket was ripped from the clothespins hanging it to the flimsy metal frame._

 _John threw the book down, and grabbed the blanket, attempting to hold it back down to clip it again._

 _As he did so, another one of the soldiers noticed the plight, and rushed over to assist, dropping several envelopes in the process._

 _He grabbed the blanket and held it down while John clipped it back, and leaned back in his cot. "Thanks, Nick," he murmured._

 _"No problem," the soldier said. He looked to be in his early thirties with very short black hair and a bright red pendant around his neck. While not the most muscular of marines, he clearly looked like he could hold his own and had a very well meaning and kind expression on his face._

 _John looked down as he picked his book back up, as he watched Nick picking up the envelopes._

 _"Mail?" he said, raising an eyebrow._

 _"Yup," Nick said, straightening himself up and handing him a letter. "I handed out most of what we got. Here's a letter from your wife, though. Nothing for Rupert, I'm afraid."_

 _John shrugged, taking the letter and beginning to open it. "No one to really write him, honestly. He doesn't seem to mind though. You get anything?"_

 _Nick sorted through the envelopes again. "Erm, yes, about five letters from my wife."_

 _There was a silence as Nick and John stared at the small pile of letters gripped in Nick's large hands._

 _"That army mail system, huh?" John commented._

 _"Right?" Nick chuckled, shifting through them to find the one with the earliest time stamp._

 _As he began ripping into the envelope, another marine came storming in on the tender family moment with a much more displeased disposition._

 _"WHO PUT AN EGG IN MY HELMET AGAIN?!" Rupert demanded, a stream of thick yellow liquid dripping down his face from the inside of his helmet._

 _John and Nick watched him for a moment while he steamed in anger and cast accusing eyes onto the other snickering marines around them._

 _"Why do you never check your helmet before you put it on?" John asked, simply, causing Nick to snort._

 _"So sorry I feel like I should be safe from a bunch of childish, immature fools when I'm at base!" Rupert snapped angrily, grabbing a handkerchief from a nearby crate and wiping his face down. "We're actually out here fighting for our country and I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of kindergartners!"_

 _"Rupert, do you ever actually wonder why no one takes you seriously and plays pranks on you all the time?" John asked._

 _"Because they're all a bunch of unpatriotic and pathetic losers who don't appreciate the actual purpose for having the privilege of fighting for the country that..."_

 _"Now see, I'm just gonna stop ya there, Chill...," Nick started. "That's why."_

 _Rupert stared blankly at Nick for a long moment. "What do you mean?"_

 _"Rupert, you and I have been buddies for over ten years, you know I'm gonna tell you how it is and I'm always gonna be upfront and honest with you, right?" Nick said, putting his hand on Rupert's shoulder._

 _"Yeah..."_

 _"Well, let me give you some heart-to-heart bro-talk here... This happens because you are, for lack of a better term... too patriotic..."_

 _Rupert paused for a moment, as if taking each word that Nick said into consideration._

 _"Too..._ patriotic _?"_

 _"Yes, very much so," Nick said. "We've been out here in the desert for two months. Everyone is tired, everyone wants to go home to their families... but you're still sitting here talking about how great it is that we're out here. People are gonna get tired of that after a while."_

 _"And I mean let's be honest," John continued. "Everyone here is pretty set in stone that we're just out here fighting the battles that the old suits sent us out to fight for their own selfish reasons."_

 _Rupert glared back and forth between John and Nick, trying to think of a good comeback for the words he was met with._

 _"Yeah well... At least I'm not wearing a necklace!" he stuttered, finally, clearly at a loss for anything else._

 _Nick absentmindedly twirled his thumb and fore finger around the pendant around his neck, and smiled slightly._

 _"It's a pendant actually. It has my son's birthstone in it. Wife gave it to me when he was born."_

 _"Sounds overly sentimental," Rupert muttered grumpily, turning and starting away. "Well, I'm going to actually go do something. I don't have time to sit around and read like the rest of you do!"_

 _John and Nick watched him go, silently._

* * *

"Are you ready to go yet, Calvin?" Calvin's mom called up the stairs, checking her watch impatiently. "It's already one o'clock! The museum closes in four hours!"

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" the familiar six year old's voice reassured her from the crack that appeared ever so slightly in an upstairs bedroom door.

Mom heaved a deep sigh and rolled her eyes as she turned to start towards her car. As she did so, however, a blaring sound not different from a fire alarm began ringing throughout the house, causing her to jump.

The sound persisted for a solid five seconds before deafening completely.

"CALVIN, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" Mom shouted, still holding her ears as he stared up the stairs once again.

"Sorry, Mom, that was the MTM!" Calvin shouted back down. "I pushed the wrong button! Happens from time to time!"

Mom stared incredulously up the stairs after her son. From time to time sounds similar to that would emit from his bedroom, and he would always blame it on his CD player that he would carry around with him. She had always chucked it up to a coincidence and would forget, but lately she hadn't been so sure. Was there something else about that CD player that she didn't know about?

She watched as Calvin came down the stairs with his stuffed tiger casually draped over his shoulder, and the MTM gripped in his other hand, before being tucked away in his pocket.

"Ready to go," he said, once he hit the bottom step. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Mom's eyes snapped back and she looked around.

"Hmm? Nothing, I'm just... thinking. Let's go," she said, turning towards the door again.

Calvin shrugged and followed her. "Don't forget we need to pick up Andy on the way."

"I haven't," Mom said, as she opened the front door and lead Calvin outside, where Dad was already waiting in the car."

"And Socrates too."

"Who?" Mom asked opening the car door.

"Socrates. Elliot's tiger," Calvin said, climbing into the backseat. "I didn't really want to bring him, but Hobbes says it's fair trade for bringing Sherman."

"Does Elliot know you take his stuffed tiger with you everywhere?"

"Who knows? Frankly, the kid is bit of a weirdo, so I don't really worry about what he's filled in on."

Mom and Dad exchanged glances, before Dad simply shrugged and started the car.

Upon arriving at Andy's house, Mom leaned over and looked at Calvin as he began pulling his CD player out of his pocket.

"Do you want to come with me to the front porch, or do you wanna wait in the car?"

"No need," Calvin sniffed, pushing a couple buttons on the MTM. "He'll be out in a moment."

"I'm guessing that means he'll wait in the car," Dad said, simply.

"All right Calvin, I'll be right back," she said, reaching for the door handle.

"Okay...," Calvin said, slowly. "Where are you going?"

"Dear, really... I'm going to..."

Mom found herself being cut off as she stared in utter disbelief at Andy sitting in the backseat next to Calvin. He was already buckled in, with Sherman sitting in his pocket and a second stuffed tiger propped up against Hobbes.

"Andy... When did you...? How did you...? What?" Mom demanded, looking back and forth between Calvin and Andy.

Dad turned and looked as well. "Andy? When did _you_ get here?"

"Just now," Andy said, simply. "Not sure why he bothered having you guys drive here if he was just going to use the MTM anyway, but whatever."

"I'm working on a couple software updates," Calvin said defensively, pocketing the CD player again. "The teleporter is set to low range mode at the moment."

Mom and Dad stared at the two boys for a long moment, before exchanging glances.

"Let's just roll with it, like we always do," Dad concluded, turning back to the wheel.

Mom sighed, and turned around as well.

Sherman, Hobbes and Socrates all watched Mom and Dad curiously while Dad started the car and they took off.

"You know, for how uncool your parents are, they sure take your interdimensional travel and advanced otherworldly technology pretty well," Socrates commented.

"Yeah, it's almost like they don't know about it or something," Sherman added.

Calvin shrugged. "Actually, I have something rather interesting to share with you guys."

"Oooh, town gossip, perhaps?" Socrates grinned, leaning over.

"It's actually in regards to us. Could possibly affect future endeavors and adventures on our end."

"Well, do tell," Hobbes said, raising an eyebrow.

"Not yet. Let's wait until after this little trip is done. Best to build up the suspense."

"Mmkay," Andy shrugged.

"Sure," Hobbes said, pulling a coloring book out of the magazine holder.

"Hmm," Sherman said, uninterestedly.

"But... I wanna know _now,"_ Socrates said, quietly.

"It's only gonna be a couple hours, Socrates," Calvin said, pulling out his own coloring book.

Socrates paused. "I don't think you understand," he said, his eye beginning to twitch. "I _need_ to know. I'm pretty sure my mental stability depends on it."

"What mental stability?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I mean I suppose he is able to construct understandable sentences right now," Sherman said, not looking up.

"No, for real!" Socrates said. "If I don't know in the next twenty seconds, I may very well have a mental breakdown!"

Everyone turned and stared at Socrates, curiously. Knowing how his personality worked, the claim wasn't too far fetched.

"Yeah well, I'm pretty sure you can wait two hours for us to go walk through a museum," Calvin sighed.

"Calvin, old buddy!" Socrates pleaded, looking at him desperately. "Why would you even _say_ anything if you weren't gonna tell us?!"

Calvin looked Socrates up and down with mild interest. "This is actually a pretty good reason."

* * *

A few minutes passed as the group drove through the city, before they began coming up on a large white building with pillars holding up an overhang. Dad parked the car, after a lengthy time of searching for an empty spot.

"I can't even remember the last time we brought Calvin to this place," Mom sighed, staring at the museum. "I wonder if it's still got the dinosaur exhibit he liked so much."

"I would think they would," Dad said, as they all stepped out of the car. "It's only been a few weeks, dear."

Mom's brow furrowed. "No... it hasn't. We haven't been here in years."

Dad stared at Mom for a moment as he thought about that. "No... it hasn't been _that_ long,"

"No, because remember, Calvin convinced me to get all that dinosaur stuff from the gift shop by saying it was educational. That was before he even knew Andy, and he's known Andy for years!"

Dad blinked. "But... it hasn't been _that_ long... has it?"

There was a pause as Mom and Dad stared at each other before turning and staring at Calvin in unison, both holding expressions of deep confusion.

Andy cast a glance at Calvin, and saw right away that the boy's mind was racing, as he looked back and forth between his parents, trying to think of the appropriate response.

"RAAAWWWR!" he growled, assuming the arm position of a T-Rex, as he lunged forward and took a bite out of Dad's leg.

"OW!" Dad cried, leaping back in pain. "CALVIN!"

"Whoop sorry Dad, just getting in character."

Dad glared at him as he nursed his wounded leg, and Mom heaved a deep sigh. "Let's try to keep that to a minimum while we're in there, Calvin? We don't want the managers to come talk to us again."

Calvin nodded, as Mom patted him on the shoulder and started leading him into the building, with Dad limping beside them.

Sherman, who had been watching all this from Andy's pocket, turned and looked at Calvin. "Never really considered that removing ourselves from the suspended timeline and destroying the equation would in turn destroy the perception filter on it all," he whispered to Calvin.

Calvin nodded. "I think for now, it would be better to keep them in the dark about that. Last thing I need is Dad telling me I should have used the equation to remove motorized transportation."

"Or basic plumbing for that matter," Hobbes added.

"Hobbo, you know what it is, right?" Socrates suddenly chimed in.

Hobbes gave the tiger a bewildered expression. "Know what... _what_ is?"

"The thing Calvin was gonna say! You know, right? You have to know!" Socrates said, getting in closer.

"No... No, I don't know. He'll tell us later, Socrates..."

"You're not the _least bit_ curious on what it is?!"

"Yeah, I'm curious, I guess. I'm not _frantic_ about it," Hobbes replied, casting a concerned look on his fellow tiger.

"I'm not _frantic!_ I just wanna know!" Socrates protested.

"You do realize the only reason he's probably not saying anything at this point is because he sees it bothers you, right?" Andy asked, sighing.

"I am _not_ bothered! I am merely a creature of curiosity and social interaction, and will act as such!"

"You realize tigers are solitary animals, right?" Sherman said, turning a puzzled glare onto the cat.

"I think I'm living proof that's all but lies and propaganda perpetuated by the media. I'll bet next you'll be telling me tigers are nocturnal!"

The museum was particularly crowded, today. There were groups of parents leading several small screaming children around as well as a few groups of teenagers who were essentially off on their own, examining their phones and snapping pictures of some of the exhibits.

Calvin examined the crowd momentarily, before beginning to walk forward into it.

"Whoa there, Calvin!" Mom said, grabbing the boy's shoulder. "Don't you be walking off now. It's way to easy for you to get lost in this crowd!"

"Aw come on, Mom!" Calvin groaned. "I think I've proven to be quite survivalist by now. Keep in mind, the Pine mountain range and empty drifting cruise ship didn't have employees I could walk up to and ask to page my parents."

"It's scary with how good he's getting at this," Dad commented.

"That is not the point, Calvin," Mom insisted. "You're staying close to us. I don't want you or Andy to leave my sight."

"Very well, very well," Calvin grumbled, "In that case, I demand we find the dinosaur exhibit, post haste!"

"Calvin, if we go to the dinosaur area, you're not going to want to see the other parts!" Dad sighed.

"No, that's actually not true," Calvin interjected. "I _already_ don't want to see the other parts."

"They just added in a native American exhibit that has walk in mud huts," Mom said, examining the brochure she picked up from the counter. "We should go there, first."

"Hobbes, votes we go to the snack bar, first." Calvin said, holding his stuffed tiger up for emphasis.

"Calvin, you ate before we left," Dad said, rolling his eyes.

"I did, indeed. Although it may be difficult to believe, however, my stomach is in fact not connected to Hobbes' stomach."

"I wouldn't mind seeing the planetarium," Andy pointed out, reading over the brochure himself.

"Andy, we go into space on a bi-weekly basis." Calvin pointed out. "What's that planetarium going to have that we haven't seen more often than Jerry Springer has seen drug abusers screaming at each other?"

"Whoa, that comparison got dark real quick." Hobbes commented. "Even for our standards."

"Can you tell us yet?!" Socrates suddenly called from behind everyone.

"No!" Calvin snapped back.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

The day went on with little events of interest to report. Mom dragged Calvin through the native American exhibit, and followed up with Ancient Egypt room, and a few rooms with glass walls with many life like statues of different animals from around America. Hobbes found himself comparing his own size to several of the wolves and polar bears that were motionlessly sitting on small replications of their natural habits in each individual glass case. Sherman took particular interest in the geology section, while examining several of the different forms of crystals and stones that were on display, and informing his disinterested friends of their names, classes and potential uses in chemistry.

The dinosaur exhibit was obviously the highlight for the group. While Calvin complained that many of the statues were the wrong color and the animatronic T-Rex was not roaring the way the T-Rexes he had encountered had roared, everyone found great intrigue in the fossils and descriptions on the plaques surrounding each display.

The only person, however, who wasn't finding entertainment in all this was Socrates. The tiger had spent the better half of the trip begging to know what Calvin's announcement was. So much to the point that when he wasn't asking what it was, Calvin could only assume he was trying to think of ways to find out what it was or theorize what it could have been. It was one of the very few victories Calvin could hold over Socrates' head, and he intended to stretch it out as long as possible.

Finally, though, he decided to break his silence as the group began making their way to the exit of the building.

He watched as Mom and Dad examined a few trinkets in the gift shop, before turning to his group.

"All right, gentlemen and accompanying species," he said, clapping his hands together, and causing everyone to look up from their own respective souvenirs they were examining. "It's time I told you what's going on today."

"Ohhhh thank _god!"_ Socrates moaned. "I was about to start offering you prank-free days..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Do tell."

"Right... so... As of three weeks from today, I, Calvin the bold, will be having the first birthday that I have had in nearly thirty-one years."

There was a long silence as everyone considered these words. They knew it was coming, but none of them actually expected it to happen, and for the longest time, it didn't. Nobody actually really talked about the events that happened when they encountered the Chill Collective and the entire Klein family. Every now and then it would come up, but no one truly discussed it in great detail. Three years had gone by since that adventure, and in that time, the group still hadn't aged. Hobbes, Andy, Socrates and Sherman wondered sometimes if Calvin actually _had_ reset the timeline, but the MTM had informed them that getting time and space back to its correct positions would take a bit of time, and perhaps people around Calvin, such as his parents, would begin to become mildly aware of the suspended timeline and other events they were made to be blissfully unaware of before it finally dissipated. It appeared that that time had finally come. Time was actually moving forward, once again.

"Whoa...," Hobbes said, scratching his head. "I'll admit I didn't see that coming."

"Turned six in 1985, turned seven in 2017...," Sherman mused. "Ya gotta admit, you've had one _heck_ of a childhood so far."

"Indeed," Andy added. "You've seen the passing of VHS to DVD to Blu-ray to people who just don't care anymore and illegally stream everything off of the internet... And you haven't even learned to drive, yet."

"Well this is fantastic news!" Socrates exclaimed, jumping up in excitement. "We need to inform the townsfolk! Don't worry about a thing, California! I'll handle all the party arrangements and invitations! We are going to have the most awesome-iest party of this millennium!"

"First off, no... no we're not!" Calvin said, holding a hand up to silence the tiger. "Second off... did you actually just call me California?"

Socrates nodded cheerfully.

"But no, my parents are just planing a very small get together," Calvin explained. "A few family members are going to fly in and I can have close friends over, but that's pretty much going to be the extent of it."

Socrates considered this. "Very well, but _some_ party arrangements must be made. One does not simply go thirty years without aging a single minute without some kind of fantastic party planned for when he does age. There has to be _some kind_ of epicness that goes into this event!"

"I mean... who are you even going to invite?" Andy asked.

"Andy, my dear boy, I have over 850 thousand followers on my Facebook page! I have a couple people I can inform."

"You have... _how many?!_ " Sherman demanded.

"We're on the road to a million, my good man! I'll speak to my buddy David over in Wales about doing the graphic design on the invitation cards."

"Socrates, don't invite any of your weird internet friends to my house!" Calvin moaned.

"Yeah yeah, friends and family only, I got it. But do you feel the need for a pyrotechnics professional to do a show at your party?"

"No, I don't need a...! Hmm, I'll admit that kinda sounds cool..."

"You see? Leave it all to me, good sir! You are going to have one awesome birthday this year, and it's gon' be fantastic!"

* * *

Far away from Earth, unknown to our heroes, there was another world that wasn't doing so well. In fact, it was downright terrible.

The planet of Zok was once a mighty proud world. Dark red in appearance with black scars zigzagging across it, the world was ninety percent lava, churning and hissing and bubbling with no water to flash heat any of it into land. It was kind of an ecological miracle that the remaining ten percent was land at all.

The lava was currently eating away the remains of several ships – some of Zok, some of other worlds. They were lying smashed in piles, rendered useless rotting husks during the war. It was a fierce war that had lasted for several months, and it technically wasn't over yet. It was just paused for the moment.

Overlooking this scene was a massive castle, painted dark black with several imposing towers that loomed menacingly. However, like everything else on the planet, things had taken a turn for the worse for this once-proud structure. Two of the towers had been knocked down completely, while half of the remaining ones had been severely damaged. There were scorch marks up and down the walls from where the enemy had taken shots at them, trying to destroy it. The castle was a tough one, however, and not likely to be taken out so easily.

The owner of the castle was the King – absolute ruler of Zok – Rupert Chill. No, not the human one. The alien with many tentacles, compound eyes and razor sharp teeth. The one who was formerly a member of the Chill Collective and defected in an insane bid for power, altering his DNA so he could be one of these people and lead them. This was his planet now, and he was losing it.

At the particular moment, he was stewing in his throne room. He stared out the massive window at the destruction that lay out in the lava, furious and angry.

He seemed unaware when the door to his throne room squeaked open, and in came Earl, his most trusted captain. Earl was in charge of the main space-faring crew – which was full of Zok's dumbest and dullest, so he was rarely happy with them. The Captain slithered across the hall to Rupert, remaining quiet so as not to startle him.

"Status report, Captain," Rupert said suddenly.

Earl jumped as he came to a halt. He regained his composure and calmly reported. "Your Highness – the enemy has retreated for the time being. We detected many of the ships fleeing back into deep space."

"You fear they will return, though."

"Yes. They have more than likely gone back to strategize."

"What of our population?"

"Minimal casualties, sir. The attacks don't seem to be aimed at any of the civilized area of the planet. Just… well, _here_."

Rupert suddenly punched the wall, leaving a huge indentation in it, and Earl closed his eyes as he prepared for the next tirade.

"It's all because of that _boy_!" Rupert roared. " _He's_ caused this to happen! He locked me up in that Earth prison, and that gave the planets under my control to break free and launch an attack!"

"I know, sir. I was there."

"And now, here we are – the laughing stock of the universe! Lost and spluttering in the dark! Barely got our heads up! With a bunch of _idiots_ as a crew!"

Earl sighed as his mind focused on the crew. They _were_ idiots, but lately, Earl had noticed that they were less content to just follow orders than before. During their last encounter with Calvin and Hobbes, they had resorted to putting shock collars on them to ensure their complete obedience. And of course, the boy had made sure the collars were destroyed. On the surface, the crew seemed just as clueless and docile as ever, following out orders as usual. However, there was something that made Earl wonder if the crew truly _were_ over it.

His thoughts were returned to his King, who was still ranting and raving all over the place, kicking in blind fury. Rupert hadn't exactly handled this dismantling of his empire all that well. He was still obsessed with taking over the Earth and adding it to his collection. But now, it was less about taking over the planet and more about defeating Calvin. The boy had become so clever during their years attacking him. Earl couldn't help but wonder if it was their own fault for that. Their continued attacks had made the boy smarter, cleverer and mature beyond his years.

Rupert's tirade finally ended as he leaned against the window, looking out at the sea of lava. He panted heavily, exhausted. "It's time we started making a new plan, Earl. A plan to destroy that boy once and for all."

Earl cleared his throat. "Well, I'm all in favor of just _shooting_ him…"

Rupert spun around furiously. "No! Haven't you learned _anything_?! That doesn't _work_! That boy _can't_ be just shot! He's too powerful! He's too _smart_ for that! No! No, no, no, no, _no_! We can't just _shoot_ him! It has to be bigger! Better! A plan that is so complex he can't _possibly_ figure it out!"

Earl looked at him for a long moment. "Your Highness…," he said slowly, "… you need to think about this. We're losing our grip on the planets we already have in our grasp. We're losing everything for this _one tiny planet_. Isn't better to just end this madness? Can't we find another planet to take over? I hear there's a nice green one out in Mutter's Spiral…"

One of Rupert's tentacles coiled around Earl's neck and dragged him closer, growling furiously. "I WANT THAT PLANET!" he bellowed.

Earl flinched, but he held it together. "Yes, Your Highness. I understand. We will have the planet."

The grip around his neck slackened, and he fell to the hard cold floor as Rupert turned and slithered away.

Earl growled quietly to himself, looking up at his king. "So… what's this plan you're thinking of?"

Rupert smiled, revealing all his razor-sharp teeth. "I'm glad you asked…"


	2. Party Preparations

Calvin and Hobbes looked the massive stacks of paper up and down as they stood awkwardly in Socrates's bedroom. They were both feeling a little uneasy about all the work the red-tailed tiger was putting into the boy's seventh birthday.

The tiger in question was sitting at his drawing table, going over all his ideas and crossing things out with an ink pen. "Okay… so you're _insistent_ on not having the three story tall birthday cake?"

"It's just that our house is two stories tall," Calvin explained.

"Okay… and the boy band concert party?"

"Yeah, I can do without that."

"Hmmmm… How about the swimming pool full of cheese dip? That's usually a very popular theme for children's parties."

"Socrates, what the heck kind of parties do you _go_ to?" Hobbes asked.

"None. These are just my own. I'm considering starting my own business after college."

"Tigers don't go to college."

"They don't? Does that mean I can't have a drunken dorm hootenanny?"

"Why would you want one?"

"To get over the burning rejection of Cindy dumping me for Dustin!"

Calvin blinked. "… Wait, who?"

"Cindy! My future college girlfriend! We were going to do everything together! And then she throws me out the window for the jerk on campus just because he has a Hummer!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared. "Socrates, are you okay?"

"Probably not. I've been working like heck on these party plans for the last few weeks."

"You only found out about the party yesterday!"

"I did? Then why did it go dark and light again like night and day?"

"Probably just every time you blinked," Calvin muttered.

"That would explain it… I haven't really slept lately."

Calvin sighed. "Thanks for the effort, Crateso, but my folks will never let any of this fly. I'm lucky they're even giving me a cake with any sugar in it. It's just going to be me, them, Hobbes and a bunch of lame-o relatives. And most of them are from Dad's side of the family, so you can guess they're going to be annoying as all get out."

Socrates nodded thoughtfully. "Hmmmm… so your house is going to be pretty crowded to begin with."

"Yeah."

"Then, you'll want me to take the posters down?"

Calvin and Hobbes both looked at him. "… What posters?" Hobbes asked.

Socrates held up a poster that he'd made himself.

 _COME ONE!_

 _COME ALL!_

 _CALVIN'S 7_ _TH_ _BIRTHDAY_

 _CELEBRATION SPECTACULAR!_

 _THIRTY YEARS IN THE MAKING!_

 _AT THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS_

 _BYOC_

 _(BRING YOUR OWN CAKE)_

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the elaborate poster in shock.

"Er… yes, Socrates, I _would_ like the posters taken down," Calvin said slowly. "Especially considering that by putting my address on the poster, you have invited complete strangers into my home."

Socrates blinked. Then he looked at the poster, which indeed had Calvin's address in big bright letters. "Oh…," he murmured. "Whoops. Er… didn't think of that. Lack of sleep must be cutting off my common sense."

"Have you ever considered the idea that you live life a tad too intensely?" Hobbes asked irritably.

"Maybe. I'm still running all those fan clubs for Dr Brainstorm and the aliens. Perhaps it's time to retire my admin post…"

"Retire as my party planner while you're at it!" Calvin snapped. "I want these posters down _now_ , Socrates! Before my parents find them! You know they'll just think _I_ did it! Even though I have no access to a computer!"

"Don't worry, I only put up a few," Socrates assured him. "Maybe about five… or six… I'm not sure. Might've been ten."

Hobbes heaved a heavy sigh. "Can you remember where you put them up?"

"I… think so?"

"You _think_ so?" Calvin demanded.

"I… I don't know. Everything's kind of a blur right now. Come on. We'll go look for them." The tiger sleepily got out of his chair and staggered off down the hall. "Hurry! Before the adrenaline rush that comes from party planning wears off!"

* * *

Far away in Yellowstone National Park, the usual rantings and ravings of our old pal – Dr Franklin J Brainstorm – were ringing out loud and clear in his underground lab next to Old Faithful. He was twirling cheerfully around the room, listening to music on a portable radio that sat upon his workbench. The classical tunes played brilliantly while he danced like a sick warthog with an inner-ear infection.

An electric door hissed open, and in stepped Jack T Robot, his robotic assistant, if you couldn't tell from his "surname". The lanky droid stepped out into the main room and took in the slightly bewildering sight of his master shanking his groove thang to Mozart. It wasn't totally shocking, per say, but it was certainly interesting.

"Auditioning for _Come Jivin'_ , Frank? I'm pretty sure that's been off the air for a while now…"

"Dr Brainstorm!" the reply came. "Jack, I need you to help me!"

"How so?"

"Turn this darned blasted radio off!"

"Why? I'm actually quite enamored with the classics."

"You listen to Coldplay!"

"What? Are they not considered classics?"

"Jack, turn it off!"

Jack smirked in satisfaction that he'd annoyed his boss sufficiently for the moment and strolled over. He looked the radio over for a few moments before he finally located the power knob, and he twisted it to the right, causing the music to cease, and his boss fell on the floor, gasping for breath.

Between heaves of oxygen, Dr Brainstorm managed to say, "Thank… you… Jack… guh…"

Jack shook his head. "Just what was this all about?" he dared to ask.

"Latest… experiment… Phew… Hang on… Not as fit as I once was…"

Jack held up his hand, which then turned into a portable fan, and he cooled the sweltering mad scientist off. The man leaned into the breeze appreciatively.

He continued, "I'm trying out my latest diabolical plan."

"Which is?"

"To control the world through music."

"… Hmmm… That's _vaguely_ new for you."

"Good enough for me. I need to figure out how I'm going to distribute it. I _was_ considering opening a radio station right here in the lab, transmitted via satellite and broadcasting on frequency that could override the typical satellite radio stations."

"Why don't you?"

"I don't have a proper license. You need a license to run a radio broadcasting station."

Jack stared at him as he lowered his fan hand. "… Do I seriously need to remind you that you're evil, and therefore, evil people don't have to follow the law?"

"I have to think ahead, Jack! Say the plan didn't work? Do you know how many fines I'd have to pay? We'd be bankrupted in minutes!"

Jack sighed as his hand reassembled itself back to normal. Dr Brainstorm returned his feet, fanning himself with his lab coat.

"So what _is_ the plan?"

"Simple! We get an existing radio station to play our hypnotic music!"

"How?"

"The usual way! We fill out the forms, get a sponsor, and ask them to!"

Jack stared at him for a while, a bit bewildered. "Wait, you mean… the legal way?"

"Yes!"

"… Frank…"

"Dr Brainstorm!"

"… I think you've forgotten something. Being evil means you don't worry about doing things the illegal way."

"Oh, come on! Stop picking this apart! That's all you do! Stop acting like every single plan I have is ridiculous!"

Jack raised a metallic eyebrow.

"Shut up."

At that moment, a warning claxon went off, flashing red lights lit up and the place became quite noisy. A calm male voice announced, "Warning! Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!"

Both man and robot jumped at the noise, looking around frantically.

"We're under attack!" Dr Brainstorm shrieked.

"What?" Jack asked, cupping his hand to his audio receiver.

" _We're under attack!_ "

" _What?_ "

Dr Brainstorm growled before running over to the main control panel and pressing a few buttons. The voice, lights and sirens all ceased, plunging them into complete silence.

" _WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!_ " Dr Brainstorm shouted.

"I know."

After savaging his assistant with a glare, the mad scientist swung back around to his computers. "How can we have an intruder?! Most of my worst enemies call first! Even Calvin knows to ring the doorbell!"

"Yeah, it's an odd thing," Jack agreed. "What do the scans say?"

Dr Brainstorm started typing in a few commands, and after a moment, the computers had an answer. "Says it's a herd of them! A whole platoon! And they're making their descent! They've forced their way into the elevator!"

"How?"

"… Did you remember to hide the key under the mat last night?"

"… Maybe?"

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

"Hey, you know what it's like when I go to my weekly poker game!"

"Who'd you even find to play poker _with_?!"

There was a loud 'ding!' from the elevator door, causing their heads to swivel in that direction.

"Drat! They're here! We didn't even have time to find out if they're armed! Suggestions, Jack?"

"Wait and see who they are?"

"INSANITY! We can't chance them being a squad of super powered ninja warriors! Or even worse – Jehovah's Witnesses!"

The elevator doors hissed open, and the two stared at their visitors. It was a gaggle of people of various ages – ranging from early-twenties to late-fifties. Men and women of all shapes, sizes and creeds spilled out, looking around in morbid fascination.

"Wow…! Could this be it?" a young man asked.

"It's what was said on the website," a young woman said, holding up her smartphone. "We followed the GPS perfectly."

"I didn't even think it would take us all the way out here," an older woman murmured. "What _is_ all this?"

"Some kind of underground clubhouse, by the look of it," a man with glasses said. "I wonder if this is where he does his work."

Dr Brainstorm and Jack hadn't been seen yet, so they took a moment to just gawk at the intruders. It was so bizarre watching these people just walk around the lab like it was a tourist stop.

"Do a scan, Jack," Dr Brainstorm whispered. "Are they armed?"

Jack's eyes flashed over the mob of about ten people. "Nope. Most dangerous thing on them is the shaving razor in someone's pocket."

"I'll take my chances, then."

Dr Brainstorm walked out into the open and let them know he was there in his usual fashion.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU ENTER THE LAIR OF DR FRANKLIN J BRAINSTORM!" he bellowed, throwing his arms out theatrically.

Everyone jumped when they saw him.

"Oh my gosh, it's him!" a young man shouted. "It's really him!"

Several of them promptly got out their phones and started recording video of him, bringing him up a bit short. He hadn't been expecting that.

"Er… okay… um… get out?" he finished lamely, pointing back at the elevator.

Jack stepped out of the shadows as well. "Dare I ask who all of you are?"

"It's the robot!" the woman with the glasses yelled. "It's real! It's really real!"

Jack cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, but 'it' has a name, you know…"

"We know! Jack T Robot, robotic assistant to Dr Franklin J Brainstorm! Situated under Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park! It's all true!"

Dr Brainstorm and Jack looked at each other again.

"Where did you obtain this information?" Dr Brainstorm asked warily.

"We're your fan club!"

"My… fan club?!"

"Yes! The future ruler of the world! The one who will lead us to victory!"

They just gave them more blank looks.

"… The one who kidnapped the kid and used that crazy electric thing," an older woman clarified.

"The Servant Ray!" a young woman with glasses said. "The one that never does what you tell it to, so you have to tell it _not_ to do something so it'll work!"

"Oh, this thing," Dr Brainstorm said, pulling the aforementioned Servant Ray out of his lab coat pocket.

There was a collective gasp as the various fan boys and girls jumped back in shock and awe. They were all murmuring reverently.

"Please, Dr Brainstorm! We need you now more than ever! The world is in turmoil! We need a savior! A guiding force! We need you and your robot and various other crazy gizmos to lead us to safety!"

Dr Brainstorm cleared his throat, trying to smother the grin that was tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Well… I mean, I'm working on it, but…"

"Let us serve you, Master!" a young woman yelled. "We will do everything and anything! Please! A chance to serve our future ruler!"

"We're not hiring," Jack deadpanned.

"Hush, Jack," Dr Brainstorm hissed. "This could be helpful. More hands means more help with global domination! Maybe one of these guys knows a radio station controller!"

An older dude with sunglasses cleared his throat. "My cousin runs a radio station in Utah."

" _Exc_ ellent! This could work out splendidly! Come, my new friends! Let me show you around! No touching! No stupid questions! And _don't_ sit in my chair!"

They were soon clamoring and chattering around him as if he were a rock star, and shooting Jack a smug expression, Dr Brainstorm led them through the lab, leaving his robotic friend a tiny bit bewildered and bothered.

* * *

An hour later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were sitting in front of Calvin's house on the sidewalk. Socrates had a hefty-looking stack of posters in his paws that he was counting.

"Let's see… forty-eight… forty-nine… fifty… fifty-one… fifty-two…"

Calvin held his head in his hands while Hobbes settled for covering his eyes.

Socrates stacked them all together. "Okay… I think that's all of them… Maybe… We got the ones at the community center… the ones at the general store… the ones scattered strategically across the telephone poles…"

"You're _sure_ that's all of them?" Calvin snapped.

"Yeah, yeah… I think… Maybe it was fifty-three…"

"Socrates…"

"No! No, no, no, it was fifty-two… It _had_ to have been an even number! Had to have been! Why would I print an odd number?"

"Well, you _are_ sleep deprived…"

"Nonsense! I'm as alert as ever! Instincts of a jungle cat!"

And on that note, Socrates keeled over and fell asleep right there on the sidewalk, snoring softly.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at him, then at each other, then heaved twin sighs before getting up. Hobbes grasped the other tiger under the arms and dragged him up to the house while Calvin grabbed the posters and followed them.

"I'll get MTM to wipe these from existence itself," he said. "If my parents see this, I won't _make it_ to seven."

"Agreed."

They heaved their loads through the front door and disappeared inside.

Unknown to them, across the street was a parked car. It was old, maroon-colored and a bit rundown, as if it had several very rough journeys in its time. The driver was a man wearing a trench coat, a wide-brimmed hat, and he had a thick bushy mustache. His dark green eyes were glaring across the street as the door to the house slammed shut. He had been watching the boy play with his two stuffed tigers. He had seen the stack of posters.

They matched the poster he had in his hand. He double-checked the address, certain that he had found the correct house. Nodding to himself, he took the car out of park and drove off.

* * *

Later that day, Calvin and Hobbes were in their room while Socrates dozed lightly on the bed.

"Poor guy," Hobbes sighed. "Done tuckered himself out."

"Can't believe he made those posters…," Calvin muttered.

"He's just trying to help. Be glad he isn't trying to prank you like he always does."

"I actually think I'd rather have _that_. Somehow, he's less annoying when he's against me."

There was a knock on the door, and Calvin's mom poked her head in. "Calvin, we're expecting some of our family to be here in a few minutes. Come downstairs so you can greet them, okay?"

"My birthday's not for a few days! Why are they coming here _now_?"

"Just to say 'hi'! Now come on! Be nice!" Her head retreated and the door shut.

Calvin grumbled to himself. "Come on, Hobbes. Let's go say 'hi' to the family. Man, socializing is such an unnecessary pain."

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Yeah, imagine being forced to talk to other people."

"I know!"

They trudged out into the hall, and they were halfway down the stairs when they heard the door open, and a familiar voice interacted with Calvin's parents.

"Hey, good to see you two again!"

"Good to see you, too, Max! Haven't seen you in forever!"

"Sure feels like it! Where's the birthday boy?"

Calvin's eyes lit up, and he ran down the stairs with Hobbes right behind him. "Uncle Max!"

And there he was, in all his splendor. Calvin's uncle Max stood over him, thick bushy mustache, dark brown hair and a white button-down shirt with light blue spots. He lowered his bags as his nephew ran up and gave him a hug.

"Hey, sport! Haven't seen you for ages! Glad to see you made it to another birthday!"

"I'll say!" Calvin agreed. "It's been years since my last one!"

Mom and Dad both rolled their eyes, but Uncle Max just chuckled. "Trust me, when you get older, it feels like mere months between birthdays. And they become decidedly less fun, so try to keep enjoying them while you can."

Calvin nodded thoughtfully. "Interesting perspective. What an incredible bummer it must be getting old."

"Too true," Max said, tussling the boy's hair before rejoining his brother's height. "So! Am I the first to arrive?"

"So far. We're expecting Sydney and the boys to be here later," Mom said.

Calvin grimaced. "Ugh. Aunt Sydney and her team of athletic jerk jocks. Can't wait."

"Calvin, be nice! They're coming for _your_ birthday!"

"Funny how it's my birthday, but _you guys_ are deciding who gets to come!"

Max chuckled at the anger on his brother and sister-in-law's faces. "Better watch yourselves. This kid might become a lawyer!"

"Calvin," Mom said patiently. "They are bringing you _gifts_. They are here for _your_ birthday. Try to act a _little_ bit grateful?"

"Fine, but if Terry and Mark chase me around the house trying to 'noogie' me, it's _your_ fault," Calvin grumbled.

"Ahhhh, noogies," Max sighed, putting a playful arm around his brother. "You remember those, don't you, bro?"

"Not a bit," Dad grumbled.

"Ah, of course, you do! That's where your hair went!"

Calvin immediately cracked up laughing at his dad's expense, while Mom quickly turned away to hide a smirk. Dad was almost certain he saw a grin forming on the stuffed tiger's stitched mouth before him.

"Ha, ha, very funny," he grumbled. "Now come on, Max. Let's get your stuff to the guest room."

"Right behind you. Don't worry, Calvin. We'll continue pulling your dad's leg later." He gave Calvin's hair another tussle before following Dad up the stairs with his suitcase.

Hobbes watched them leave. "Well, that wasn't so bad," he said brightly.

"Yeah, well, Uncle Max is pretty sharp, lest we forget. Clearly the brains of the family, if Dad is anything to go by. Just wait until Mark and Terry get here. You remember what happened last time?"

"Vaguely… Technically, we haven't seen them in decades."

"Yeah, one thing I didn't consider – now that time is flowing normally again, the real world is starting up, too."

Mom was looking out the window when she saw a taxi pull up. She watched as a woman with two kids came climbing out. "Aunt Sydney's here!" she called.

Calvin squeezed his eyes shut. "Great…"

It took only one glance out the window to assure Calvin that his cousins were just as annoying as last time.

Aunt Sydney was tall and thin, similar to Calvin's mom, except her hair was longer and styled. She was carrying a large parcel that was clearly a birthday present, and she was shouting at the two boys that were running in circles around her.

The first boy was taller with short hair and a plethora of freckles. He was wearing a sports jersey over a white t-shirt and loose-fitting jeans and white sneakers. He was chasing and roughhousing with his brother, who was slightly shorter, but also lean and athletic, wearing a red hoodie, jeans and sneakers. They were wrestling and shoving each other, laughing and completely ignoring their mother's complaints.

Calvin watched them coming up the curved walkway with a sense of dread. He just knew how this was going to go.

Mom opened the door and let them in. "Sydney! Hi!" she said cheerfully.

"Hey, sis! Here's the present!" Sydney yelled over the present youth. "Sorry we took so long! My boys apparently can't sit still for _two lousy minutes_!"

Terry and Mark didn't seem to hear her. They were two busy going at it.

"Knock it off, butt munch!"

"You first, shag head!"

"Not until you give up, sissy!"

Calvin and Hobbes backed away from the mayhem slowly, hoping to escape in time.

Unfortunately, Sydney bent down over them. " _Calvin_! Look at _you_! You're so grown up! Seven years old! So mature! You're so _cute-cute-cute_!" she cooed, pinching the boy's cheek.

Calvin grimaced. "Hi, Aunt Sydney," he grumbled through his distorted cheek.

Her eyes flitted to Hobbes. "Oh, and you still have your stuffed tiger! That's so cute! It's like you never grew up!"

Calvin looked bemused, but this sentence got Terry and Mark's attention. They stopped beating each other up and seemed to finally register the people around them. They saw their young cousin, and they saw the stuffed tiger sitting next to him.

"Oh man, look at this loser!" Terry laughed, pointing at Calvin. "He's still carrying that thing around! When the heck are you going to grow up, loser?!"

"Yeah, what a sissy girl!" Mark agreed, guffawing rudely. "Can't believe you still play with baby toys! When are you going to be a man and get trading cards and watch super violent cartoons like _us_?"

"Do you even play _sports_ , or do you just sit around with the rest of your dollies?"

Calvin glared. "Hey! I don't play with dolls! I'll have you know that I have better things to do than play sports!"

"Oh please, like _what_?" Terry sneered.

"Well… saving the world from aliens, for a start…," Calvin said, knowing full well that they weren't about to buy that.

Terry and Mark fell over from laughing so hard. "What a moron!"

Calvin glared at them. He looked to the adults for help, but they were in the midst of a conversation.

"Are Janice and Henry coming with Dana?" Sydney was asking.

"Not until the actual day," Mom replied. "Apparently, Dana's teething, so she's a bit fussy."

"Ahhhh, yes. Ever miss those days when your child was small and tiny?"

Mom threw a glance at the kids. Calvin was being chased around the room by Terry and Mark, who were trying to give him a wedgie. "Yes," she sighed.

Sydney finally clued in that her boys were being bullies and got between them and Calvin. "Boys! Boys! Leave your cousin alone! Be nice!"

"Aww, come on, mom!" Mark complained.

"Yeah, he's just asking for it! He doesn't even play football!" Terry added.

"Football is damaging to the human brain!" Calvin yelled back spitefully.

"Is not, you little twerp!" Mark shouted, lunging for him, but Sydney held him back.

Taking his chance, Calvin grabbed Hobbes and hightailed it out the door.

"Calvin, come back here!" Mom shouted.

"No, let him go. I'd rather he not see what I'm about to do to his cousins," Sydney growled, giving her two boys an evil eye.

Mark and Terry just glared at her.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes ran through the backyard and around to the front. They made it to the sidewalk and ran as far as they could up the street before they ran out of breath and had to stop.

"Man…," Calvin grumbled as he gasped for air. "I _hate_ those jerks! They're just Moe through family! All they do is push me around and make me feel small!"

"And to say that you 'carry me around' like that!" Hobbes added. "You should've let me eat them right there!"

"Nah, you know how Mom and Dad are about that sort of thing. Can't eat family."

They sat by a mailbox for a few moments, taking in the world around them and feeling a bit better.

"Come on," Calvin said at last. "I have some pocket change. Maybe we can haggle at the general store for some candy."

"Anything to get away from the house," Hobbes agreed. "Of course, we left Socrates behind…"

"Meh, whatever. He's conked out pretty good. As long as Mark and Terry don't find him…" He paused and thought about that for a second. "Actually, I'm hoping they _do_ wake him up!"

"Yeah, I can imagine him having a field day with their poor innocent moronic psyches."

They shared a laugh over this delightful thought as they proceeded up the sidewalk into town. It was a lovely summer day with not much traffic, so they just enjoyed the sounds around them.

Soon, they were heading into a slightly more built-up part of town. The rows of houses faded into rows of taller houses, and then into proper multi-story buildings. They weren't fazed by this. They'd made this walk loads of times. They knew they'd have to go up and around the corner to make it to the store.

However, when they were halfway up the latest block, they found that the sidewalk had been blocked off with large white and orange road hazard signs with flashing lights. They couldn't tell why. There didn't seem to be any sort of construction in the way. Still, there it was.

"What should we do now?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shrugged. "I'm not in the mood to break the law right now," he said. "Let's just cut through the alley and go around."

In agreement, they turned right and strolled down the alley between two buildings. It wasn't very long, but it was dark and dirty. They walked along, not suspecting much about the setting around them.

However, as they walked further along, they started to notice a dark shape about halfway down the alley. As they walked closer, they realized it was a car. A beat up old dark maroon car that had clearly seen some action in its time. A beat up old dark maroon car that had the backseat door wide open.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it, confused. What was this doing here?

Then they heard a loud click behind them that made them both freeze. It was a sound that they had heard on television one time too many. All those cop shows, war movies, westerns and bank heist flicks had educated them all too well on what they were up against. It was something they should be very much afraid of.

After weighing their options, they turned around to look at the source.

It was a man in a long dark coat, a wide-brimmed hat, a mustache that didn't match his eyebrow hair, and piercing green eyes that looked close to middle-age, peering down at them from behind a pair of wire-rim glasses.

The most distinguishing feature, however, was the gun pointed right at them.

Calvin's mind raced, trying to think. He didn't have the MTM. He didn't have his other friends with him. He could feel Hobbes tensing next to him, ready to pounce the guy, but he wasn't sure if attacking him head on would be the wisest move. Just how fast could the guy shoot?

The man then used the end of the gun to gesture at the open car door.

Calvin held onto Hobbes, who he could just about hear growling at this stranger, but he gave him a tug. He knew there was no way to pounce without getting shot. It just wasn't worth it. He gave his friend a meaningful look, and the tiger nodded in acceptance.

They were going to have to play this by the stranger's rules.

Calvin and Hobbes silently turned and got into the backseat of the car. As soon as they were seated, it was slammed shut behind them. The stranger ran around to the driver's seat and sat down, shut the door, and without even bothering to buckle up, started the engine. The car turned and pulled out of the alley, rejoining traffic on the other side.

The two friends held onto each other for comfort. They just had to have faith that they would either escape or be rescued. Until then, they were kidnapped.


	3. Teleporter Troubles

_Diddle-ding-ding, diddle-ding-ding, diddle-ding-ding-ding... Diddle-ding-ding, diddle-ding-ding, diddle-ding-ding-ding..._

Andy was lounging on his couch in the living room, a care free expression on his face, as he clenched and rotated the black controller in his hand, his eyes fixated on the video game flashing across the TV screen in front of him. His brow furrowed however, and his attention broke as the familiar sound of a cellphone ringtone and vibration began sounding from the coffee table beside him.

He paused the game, and picked up the phone, staring down at the caller ID. He immediately recognized the number as Calvin's home phone, but this was the first thing that struck him off. Calvin would would always call him from the MTM's phone, or simply teleport him over at any given whim. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a call from the boy's home number.

Raising an eyebrow curiously, Andy answered the phone and put it up to his ear.

"Hello?" He started.

"Andy?" Came a familiar female voice from the receiving end of the phone. "It's Calvin's mother,"

"Oh hi," Andy said, leaning back. "How goes birthday prep?"

"Not bad... I guess... Listen, is Calvin at your place right now? He ran off a couple hours ago and his father and I are getting worried."

Andy paused, at this. He hadn't seen Calvin at all that day, but he knew he had to choose his words carefully in order to not further worry his already overtly worrisome parents.

"Nah, haven't seen him yet, but we're planning on getting together in about ten minutes." He said, casually, switching the video game off. "Gonna head on over to the General Store and see what kind of candy we can haggle the cashier for."

Mom was heard sighing over the phone. "Tell him to call us as soon as you see him." She said.

"Will do," Andy agreed. "I'll try to keep him from getting too much of a sugar high,"

"Please do," Mom said. "Bye Andy."

"Bye Mrs Calvin's Mom." Andy said, hanging the phone up.

He stood up from the couch, and started down towards what most would assume to a basement. He opened a door that revealed a staircase and started down it. As he walked, the lighting did not reveal that of a basement, as the pale blue florescent lights illuminated the area revealing a massive laboratory and office space which seemed incredibly out of place considering the rest of the house.

Sitting atop a desk in a miniature office chair was Sherman in his signature lab coat, typing away on an equally tiny laptop, paying almost no mind to the boy as he climbed down the stairs towards him.

"Sherman, we may have a slight issue," Andy said as he approached the desk.

"No, I won't play Crash Bandicoot with you," Sherman said simply.

"No, that's not the... Sherman, do you even know what Crash Bandicoot is?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Sherman replied.

There was a moment of silence, as Andy waited for more.

"So anyway, what's up?" Sherman said, finally.

"Calvin's parents just called." Andy said, rolling his eyes. "They said they haven't seen Calvin for a while and they're all worried."

"Hmm, and how many years has it taken for them to be concerned about Calvin's constant outings?"

"Yeah, I'm aware," Andy nodded. "Still, I haven't seen him either, so we should call him and let him know his parents are on the 'calling the friends' stage."

"Very well," Sherman sighed, standing up from his chair and walking over to the larger console in front of him. "Give me a second to look up MTM's number. Calvin really needs to shorten it..."

"Pretty sure he only made it that long so people wouldn't call it." Andy agreed.

"Why did he even put a phone capability in there in the first pla- You know what, never mind." Sherman sighed as he hit a button and a ridiculously long series of numbers appeared on the hulking screen before him, followed by a phone icon and the flashing word "CALLING".

There was a pause as Andy and Sherman stared at the screen as the sound of the phone ringing emanated through the lab, before a distinctive click was heard.

"Grand Central Terminal," MTM said, boredly.

"MTM, have you seen Calvin?"

"I have. Short boy. Rather messy hair. Only seems to own one shirt..."

"Cool, can we talk to him real quick?"

"'Fraid he's not here at the mo," MTM replied. "There is one, Socrates laying on the bed, creating a small puddle of drool. Would you like me to forward the call to him?"

"That's not necessary," Andy said. "When was the last time you saw Calvin? His parents are getting all antsy."

"My proximity scanner recorded them leaving the property range around two hours ago." MTM replied. "I haven't really kept track of them from that point on."

"What direction were they heading towards?" Sherman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Towards town. I presumed they were on a candy store kick as is the norm for the route they took."

Sherman turned and gave Andy a curious look. "Going to the General Store wouldn't have taken him two hours..."

Andy nodded. "MTM, do us a favor real quick and teleport him and Hobbes to us."

"Love to," MTM agreed. "Gonna need that security pass, to make sure you're not some impersonator or some such nonsense."

"Susie Derkins smells like rotten tomatoes," Andy recited, monotone.

"Oranges," Sherman corrected.

"Oranges! I meant to say oranges," Andy added.

"Good enough," MTM replied. "Give me but a moment, and he'll be right there."

Andy and Sherman sighed and waited.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were sitting silently in the backseat of the messy car they had been forced into. There were crumpled up fast food wrappers and empty soda cans littering the seat and car floor, and the maroon seating was torn in a couple places. They had been driving for a little over an hour at this point, and the two were beginning to not recognize the scenery around them.

Neither of them had said a word as Calvin cautiously eyed the driver, who had been quietly mumbling to himself the entire time.

"Do we have a plan, yet?" Hobbes whispered.

Calvin merely shook his head, as he continued watching the driver.

Another few moments past, before Calvin finally spoke. "Where are we going?"

The driver stopped mumbling to himself, and his head twitched slightly in Calvin's direction.

"Home," he said simply and in a fast voice, barely giving Calvin time to examine the crazed tone.

"And where is that?"

"Close by...," the man continued. "Why, you getting car sick?"

"Never been the type, myself." Calvin replied. "Gotten sea sick a couple times."

"Well, you won't need to worry about that," the driver grumbled.

Calvin continued watching him, before he turned back to Hobbes. "I don't think we're gonna talk our way out of this."

Hobbes looked at him incredulously. "You barely tried!"

"I'm sorry, do _you_ want to try reasoning with the twitchy guy with the gun?" Calvin defended. "Besides, you forget about our backup."

"Backup?" Hobbes asked.

"Someone is sure to notice we're missing soon," Calvin explained. "And pretty soon, that noticing will extend to a certain group of people that have access to a certain machine that has teleportation capabilities."

Hobbes' eyes blanked out in ironic realization. "Good point," He admitted. "Ugh, I hate being teleported, though. It frizzes my fur up."

"Well, do you want frizzed fur or possible death?" Calvin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"There is also that." Hobbes admitted.

"All we really have to do is hold out long enough for Andy and Sherman to get MTM, and then we will have finished the shortest adventure we have ever..."

 _BRAZAP_

Calvin and Hobbes turned as a small crackling of electricity sounded beside them, and a burger wrapper vanished from Hobbes' side.

There was a moment of silence as the two stared blankly at the empty spot where the wrapper had once been.

"Or, you know, MTM can completely miss." Calvin grumbled in irritation.

* * *

Andy and Sherman stared at the burger wrapper that appeared on the hamster's console before them.

"Calvin's looking a little worse for wear I see." Andy nodded.

"How so?" MTM asked.

"Well for starters it's not Calvin," Sherman cringed, noticing there were still drops of ketchup dripping off of it. "You teleported an empty McDonald's wrapper to us."

MTM paused. "That's... not possible. I had a fix on Calvin and everything."

"You missed," Andy replied.

"That's not how this works," MTM replied. "Hold on, I'll be over there in a second."

There was a blast of electricity, and the CD player appeared on the console beside the wrapper, as the call cut off.

"Curious," MTM admitted as he scanned the wrapper in front of him. "I had both him and Hobbes locked on, they should have been teleported here."

"Is there anything interfering with your equipment?" Sherman asked.

"Nothing that I'm aware of, but let me run a scan."

There was a silence as the machinery inside MTM hummed and whirred. Andy and Sherman watched quietly, awaiting the CD player's results.

Suddenly, a new sound reached Andy's ears. He paused and looked around. It had to have come from the MTM but he felt like it had come from behind him. It was a low creaking and clicking sound that almost sounded like a tree trunk shifting in the wind. His brow furrowed as he strained his ears to hear the source of the sound. However, the harder he listened, the more distant it became. He could make out the very low and quiet sound of sporadic whispering under the creaking. It was definitely not coming from the MTM.

"Nope, nothing exceptionally out of the ordinary." MTM suddenly cut in, snapping Andy back into reality. "Let me give it another go,"

Andy threw another glance over his shoulder before shaking his head and turning back to the machine before him.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes watched helplessly as their car pulled up to a lone broken down looking shack in the middle of the country. There wasn't another building in sight, nor did it appear like the road they had taken was very often used, what with the numerous boulders jetting up the dirt road and bushes that had grown over it, scraping against the car as they passed them.

The kidnapper parked the car in front of the shack and stepped out, walking over to the passenger door, and throwing it open, aiming the gun at Calvin once again.

"Let's go," he said, quietly.

Calvin grabbed Hobbes' arm and obliged, as the kidnapper lead him into the shack.

The place clearly hadn't been inhabited in years. There was furniture, but it was covered in white sheets, and the few windows that were around were broken and cracked. An old fashioned brick fireplace was crumbling away at the back wall, and Calvin immediately noticed where they were being lead. There was a large black metal looking box with a pad lock on it, and a small rectangular hole above the lock.

The kidnapper undid the lock and opened the box, motioning for Calvin to enter.

After a quick scan of the house for any means of escape, the boy followed and entered the box.

The kidnapper slammed it shut, and threw the padlock on, still mumbling to himself.

He turned and started away, before another crackling of electricity sounded, causing him to turn back around. His brow furrowed as he examined the box, in confusion. The padlock had seemingly vanished, leaving behind only the slight crackle of static electricity.

Still grumbling to himself, he stomped over to a desk beside the box and opened a drawer. He rummaged through it for a moment, before pulling out another padlock, and clicking it on.

* * *

Andy and Sherman stared at the padlock that had appeared before them.

"You sure you're feeling okay, MTM?" Andy asked.

"Hm, really starting to wonder about this." MTM admitted. "All the diagnostics say I'm at full operating capacity, but for some reason every time I lock onto Calvin, I'm only able to teleport items from his general location.

"Well we all know the definition of insanity at this point," Sherman said. "Might as well try again."

* * *

 _BRAZAP_

The kidnapper looked up again.

The electricity had cracked through his eardrums once again, but this time, he couldn't see anything of importance. He noticed the old beaten up couch sitting by the fireplace. He couldn't remember if a sheet had been draped over that one or not.

Shaking his head, he turned and started away.

"Why are you doing this?" came the voice of the small boy trapped in the metal box.

The kidnapper paused, as he stared off into space, not bothering to look back down at his prisoner.

"You're a very well-known kid around here." He said finally. "Getting yourself lost in a mountain range... then out at sea... survived both times. Pretty impressive if you ask me and most other people."

He sat down on the floor and crossed his legs, staring over at the box.

"Most kids your age wouldn't have survived a day in the conditions you were in."

"Yeah, people tell me that a lot," Calvin said, barely able to stare back at him through the tiny hole he was provided. "I'm afraid I'm not seeing your point."

 _BRAZAP_

The man looked around once again. Unable to determine where the sound had come from this time, he turned back to Calvin, who was shaking his head in frustration at the nearly empty bookshelf that had vanished from behind the man.

"I need money," the kidnapper said, finally. "I really, really need money... And I just have a hunch that people are gonna pay to get you back."

Calvin gave the man an incredulous look. "You didn't really put a lot of thought into this, did you?"

"I dunno, maybe it's better for you if I didn't," the kidnapper replied, shooting another glance at the gun, which was sitting on a nearby desk.

"Point taken." Calvin nodded.

 _BRAZAP_

"What the heck is that noise?!" the kidnapper demanded, standing up and looking around.

Not seeming to take note of the fireplace that had been competently robbed of fire wood, the man stormed around the shack, looking for anything that could have been making the crackling sound that had plagued him since he had entered the room.

"Couldn't say," Calvin shrugged. "Or was that a rhetorical question?"

The kidnapper glared down at him.

* * *

Sherman's lab was now littered with several items. The bookcase had appeared in a corner, while several more burger wrappers and empty drink cups had littered the console before them. The white sheet was draped slightly over Andy's shoulder, and there was a pile of partially charred fire wood sitting next to Sherman's desk.

"Ya know," Andy said, partly covered by the sheet. "I'm starting to think this isn't going to work."

"Nonsense." MTM said, confidently. "I'm pretty sure I got him this time, just let me try one more..."

 _BRAZAP_

An old broken down rocking chair suddenly appeared next to the bookcase and Andy looked around once again. He could have sworn that upon that teleport, he heard the same off creaking once again.

"Okay, that's enough!" Sherman said, putting his paws up. "We need a new plan, obviously."

"I'll say, I never really considered the stealing potential to a long range teleporter." Andy said, throwing the sheet off of himself. "We could become professional thieves this way."

"Where is Calvin, anyway?" Sherman asked.

"That's the weird thing," MTM said. "I can lock onto his life signature, but I can't actually get the coordinates to his location. It's almost as if something is blocking it, but there's nothing to indicate that's the case."

"Hmm," Sherman considered. "Okay, we may actually have a problem, here."

"Wait, doesn't Socrates have security cameras installed around the town?" Andy cut in. "To record his pranks or whatever?"

Sherman nodded. "He does... That might actually be what we need to figure out what happened. MTM, can you teleport Socrates here?"  
"That I can do, give me just a moment." MTM replied.

 _BRAZAP_

There was yet another crack of lightning, and suddenly, the red tailed tiger was thrashing about on the floor, having been jolted awake by the movement.

"NO MRS ACKER, YOU'RE A MARRIED WOMAN!" he shouted, looking around with half shut eyes as he sat up.

There was a pause as he looked around and slowly took in where he was.

"Oh... okay... Man, was I having a dream."

Andy and Sherman stared at him cautiously.

"What the heck did you just... never mind, I don't care to know..." Sherman said, shaking his head. "Can you access your security feed from here?"

"Which one?"

"The ones you have set up around town."

"Oh, yeah probably. I just have to sign into the website. Why?"

"Calvin is missing and we need to figure out what happened to him."

"Aah..." There was a pause. "Why don't you use MTM?"

"It's not working, do you really think we wouldn't have tried that first?" Sherman grumbled. "Does it _look_ like it's been working?"

Socrates paused as he looked around the lab. "Well you got a new bookcase out of it, at least." He shrugged.

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes, as Socrates walked towards the more appropriately sized computer and brought up the web browser. He went to his security system website and began typing in his username and password, before a line of video feeds began appearing on the screen, each one showing a different street, building, alley or parking lot.

"Alrighty," Socrates said, bringing up a new box and looking over at Andy and Sherman. "So what am I doing?"

"What time did Calvin leave his house?" Sherman asked, looking back towards the MTM.

"4:17" MTM replied, simply.

Socrates nodded and began typing numbers into the boxes.

One of the camera feeds expanded to fill the screen, showing Calvin's house. He began rewinding the video, until he got to the point where he saw Calvin and Hobbes leaving the house.

"Ai'ght, ai'ght," Socrates sighed, clicking over to another security feed as he followed Calvin and Hobbes walking down the street.

"Looks like they're going to Brown's, like normal." Andy commented.

They watched a bit longer, with Socrates occasionally switching feeds to make sure the cameras stayed on them, before they came to the construction zone. They watched the two exchange silent dialogue before Calvin motioned towards the nearby alley. Hobbes nodded, and the two started off in that direction.

Socrates changed the video feed again.

"How many of these do you have?" Sherman asked.

"Apparently just enough to perfectly stalk these two through their walk through town." Socrates nodded.

"Pretty convenient." Andy agreed.

Suddenly they saw Calvin and Hobbes stop, as the car in question began coming into view for them.

They watched with increasing dread as the figure stepped out of the car, and pulled out the pistol.

The figure motioned towards the car and Calvin, clearly gripping Hobbes tightly enough to keep him from pouncing, followed the directions and climbed into the backseat of the car.

The kidnapper put the pistol away and got into the car himself, before driving off.

There was a moment of silence as Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at the screen with stunned expressions.

"Oh." Socrates said finally.

"That's... bad..." Andy agreed.

Sherman rubbed his forehead in a mix of despair and deep thought. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but… I don't know what we can personally do about this...," he said, finally.

There was moment of silence as everyone considered this. They had dealt with alien invasions, evil scientists and monsters from other dimensions and universes, but what they were currently confronted with was so strangely simple, all things considered, yet at the same time not.

They had just watched their best friends being kidnapped, and it wasn't from an evil scientist or an alien trying to take over the world. It was just a random stranger. They didn't know his intentions. They didn't know what he would do or what he was capable of doing. For a first time in a very long time, they couldn't predict what was going to happen.

"MTM, what can we do?" Sherman said finally, turning to the CD player.

"I'm doing my best to lock onto Calvin's locations, but like I said, something is doing a very good job preventing me from doing so." MTM explained. "I might be able to actually lock onto him if I have time to concentrate, but it's going to take me time."

"Like... how much time?" Andy asked.

"... A week? Maybe a week and a half?"

"We don't have that kind of time to wait." Sherman said, rubbing his temple. "We need a new plan."

There was a moment of silence as everyone thought long and hard about the situation.

"Should we... tell his parents?" Andy asked.

"Probably not the worst plan." Socrates said. "Not the best, but definitely not the worst."

Sherman thought about that. "Maybe we should... It might not be a bad idea to get the police involved in this if we can't personally do anything about it."

"Yeah... maybe they can do something with these security tapes that we can't." Andy said shaking his head.

There was another silence.

"So... Is this the plan?" Socrates asked. "If so, we should probably hurry."

Andy and Sherman continued staring the video feed, which was currently paused on Calvin getting into the car with the kidnapper.

"Yeah," Andy said. "Yeah, let's go."

"I'll get a USB drive to copy these videos onto." Sherman said, starting off.

Socrates bounded off himself, running up the stairs and out of sight.

Andy continued studying the freeze frame for a moment.

"Don't worry, buddy, we're gonna get you out of this." He mumbled, snatching up the MTM and walking off himself.

* * *

Calvin stared at the man through the tiny hole he had been given. Hobbes had been sitting in the corner, studying the box for any weaknesses.

The man was standing in the nearby bathroom staring blankly at himself in the mirror, as he had been doing for the last few minutes. This was beginning to severely worry Calvin. He had never really dealt with anyone who had shown signs of an actual mental illness. A more serious undertone plagued the kidnapper's behavior and he almost seemed delusional as he spoke quietly to himself, occasionally rubbing his temple as if dealing with a massive headache.

He noticed him fumble with his shirt collar as he pulled out a peculiar bright red pendant. He examined it with his thumb and forefinger, before hiding it away under his shirt, once again.

"Well, if we're gonna be here for a while, could I at least get a name from ya?" Calvin said, finally. "I like being able to refer to my captors by name."

The man paused as he continued staring into the mirror. For a while, he didn't show any indication of having heard Calvin, and he thought he was going to have to repeat the question. Right before he decided to do so, however, the man spoke.

"Nick...," he said, in a low voice. "My name's Nick."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** _How's about leaving us some reviews, folks? Letting us know how this story is turning out?_


	4. Aliens Arriving

Jack sat silently at the computer console, sipping on a soda while he thumbed through a magazine in his lap, rolling his eyes at the occasional "oohs" and "aahs" he heard coming from the other rooms around him. In addition to this he heard the sounds of several cameras going off.

"So much for having a secret base," he muttered, turning to another page. Suddenly, a red light on the console lit up, causing Jack to look up. "Oh joy. More tourists."

He reached over and pushed a button. "Brainstorm museum, Jack speaking."

"FRANK, IT'S YOUR MOTHER!" bellowed the usual roar of Mother Brainstorm through the speakers of the console. "OPEN THIS DOOR AT ONCE!"

"Uh huh," Jack sighed, pushing another button. He didn't even flinch at Mother Brainstorm this time. He must have been getting used to it.

The elevator dinged as it closed up and began heading to the surface to pick up Brainstorm's hysterical mother. Jack waited for it to reopen, before it revealed the hulking mass that was her, with Sheila and Jacqueline in tow behind her.

"JACK!" Mother Brainstorm screamed.

"Mrs B," Jack nodded.

"THIS LAB IS A MESS! I DON'T SUPPOSE FRANK TOLD YOU WE WERE COMING!"

"He rarely does," Jack said, returning to his magazine. "I believe he's in the weapon facility at the moment. Feel free to make yourself at home."

"I ALREADY HAVE!"

"Mom, I'm hungry!" Sheila shouted.

"THEN GO GET FOOD ALREADY, AND STOP WHINING AT ME ABOUT IT! _**FRANK, WHERE ARE YOU?!**_ "

And with that Mother Brainstorm stormed off towards what one can only assume was the direction of the weapon facility, while Sheila stormed off towards the kitchen, leaving Jacqueline standing awkwardly in the elevator.

"So...," she said, finally. "What's new?"

"A whole bunch of people broke into the lab this morning, and Frank is giving them a tour," Jack said, blandly.

"Oh," Jacqueline said, blinking a few times. "That's a new one."

"Just a bit. Shall we go watch how this transpires?"

"What?" Jacqueline asked, turning a small knob on her neck. "Hold on, I need to turn my internal speakers up. I'm not used to someone talking to me in a voice under a certain decibel."

"Oh, you turn that down? I just let mine rattle in my head whenever it comes about."

"And you say _I'm_ the patient one."

"That's not patience, that's laziness. Let's go see what Mrs B thinks about Frank's new following."

"Let's," Jacqueline agreed. "I'm sure that will be an interesting train wreck to watch."

* * *

"And over here, we have the experimental weapon wing," Brainstorm said, leading the group through a narrow corridor, motioning towards several elaborate gun-like objects laying on display tables lined along the wall. "I come grab things from here on the slow days when I have no other evil plans to work on."

"Oooooh," the crowd collectively gawked, several of them snapping pictures of the different weapons on the tables, some of which were clearly not put together all the way yet.

"What's this one do?!" said a younger woman in the crowd, motioning towards a blue and red rifle with a strange rubber like appearance to it.

"That's the Bounce Gun," Brainstorm explained. "It shoots lasers that bounce... don't really know what I was thinking on that one... It's not the most practical idea, now that I think about it."

"Oooh, what about this one?!" cried a middle age male running up to another table that had another rifle with a red magnet on the end of it.

"That's the Mag-o-Matic, it brings you things that are metal and then shoots them at people... No touching!" Brainstorm scolded as he saw the man reaching for it. "This is all very delicate materials that could be..."

"YOUNG MAN, WHAT IS THIS?!"

Everyone collectively jumped at the sound of Mother Brainstorm's deafening roar. Several of the Brainstorm fan club yelped in blind terror as they spun around and saw the giant that had appeared from the darkness behind them.

"Mother!" Brainstorm gasped, gripping his chest in terror as he leaned against a wall. "When... where did you even come from?!"

"JACK LET ME IN, HOW DO YOU _THINK_ I GOT IN?!" Mrs B growled, glaring at everyone surrounding her. "DID YOU LET YOUR SECRET LAIR GET DETECTED AGAIN?!"

"No, Mother, this is my fan club!" Brainstorm explained.

"YOUR WHAT?"

"You know... That fan club I told you about... The one that started a few years back..."

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING THAT UP!"

"Whoa!" one of the women said, looking up at Mrs B in awe. "It's... It's actually Dr Bainstorm's mother!"

Everyone gasped in realization as they took out their phones once again to take pictures. The older woman stared in a rare stupefied silence, watching as their phones flashed frantically.

Dr Brainstorm cleared his throat. "Yes, well… no need for all of this, folks. This is my mother. She's visiting for a _short_ while."

"Hang on," one man said. "Need to get the wide angle on this one…"

"I BEG YOUR PARDON!"

A young woman grabbed a small pistol. "Ooh! Ooh! What's this?!" she shouted, waving it around.

She pulled the trigger, and it aimed at Mrs. Brainstorm, who suddenly found herself lifting off the ground slowly but surely. "HEY! STOP THAT! FRANKLIN, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!"

Dr Brainstorm quickly yanked the gun away from the girl. "That's the Gravi-Tron 500! It cancels out the local gravity of individual objects!" He eyed his mother floating towards the ceiling. "Or… individuals."

At that instant, Sheila entered the room. "All right, you jerk!" she shouted. "You _knew_ we were stopping by today, so where are the dang Nutty Bars?!"

"Sheila, for crying out loud! I'm trying to look impressive here! I can't look cool in front of these people with my accursed _family_ existing in the same room as me!"

It was then that Sheila noticed that a bunch of random people were taking pictures of her with their phones. "Who the heck are _these_ losers?!" she demanded.

"My fan club!"

" _This_ is your fan club? You've got to be joking!"

A young man walked up to her. "Who are you?" he asked.

Sheila glared at him. "I'm this idiot's younger sister, nimrod! Sheila Brainstorm – future ruler of all!"

"… Who still lives with our parents," Dr Brainstorm said smugly.

"I'm in a transitional stage!"

The young man cleared his throat. "I'm Devon," he said, holding out a hand.

Sheila looked at him like he was nuts. "So?"

"So do you want to get a drink sometime?"

There was a really long pause as everyone stared at him incredulously. Even some of the fan club seemed a little disturbed.

Sheila came out of her shock and began pretending to think really hard. "Hmmmmm… _no_!" she snapped, shoving him violently.

"YOUNG LADY, JUST BECAUSE I'M ON THE CEILING DOES _NOT_ MEAN YOU CAN GO HANGING AROUND WITH RANDOM BOYS!"

"She said 'no', Mother!" Dr Brainstorm called up.

"ALL THE SAME…!"

A middle-aged woman in a floral dress spoke up. "Say, what does _this_ do?"

Before Dr Brainstorm could turn around, there was an explosion of smoke and flame from that direction that engulfed him and half of his followers. They all started coughing and waving it away, trying to find her.

"For crying out loud, don't embarrass me in front of my already embarrassing family!" he shouted, reaching helplessly through the plume.

As this devolved into yet another shouting match between Brainstorms, Jack and Jacqueline observed this from the doorway.

"Should we be doing something in service of mankind?" Jacqueline asked.

"Nah, let's not break the spell," Jack replied, smirking as his master grabbed the offending weapon away from the woman.

* * *

The image of Calvin and his stuffed tiger being forced into a vehicle was one that Calvin's parents were unequipped to deal with. They sat in the kitchen, staring at the image on the policewoman's laptop, still in absolute shock. How could this be happening? How was this reality?

Andy had told them about Calvin, explaining that he'd obtained the security footage that served as evidence. They were still trying to figure out how an eight-year-old boy had obtained something like that. The police had questioned it as well, but they all agreed that solving the mystery of who had kidnapped Calvin was more important. All they had at the moment was Max standing behind them, a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Does your son have any enemies?" the policewoman asked, leaning towards the handheld voice recorder on the table.

"None that we know of," Dad replied evenly.

"And you're sure this isn't the person who kidnapped him last time?"

"Absolutely. The last guy was too much of a showman, clearly. Plus, he had that accomplice dressed as a robot."

The policewoman tapped on the laptop a few times and showed a black-and-white photo of Dr Brainstorm and Jack when they were returning Calvin. She pressed 'play', and a video started that showed Jack's arms extending so as to pass the boy over to his parents.

"We still haven't found these characters, but I'm not one hundred percent certain that's someone 'dressed up', as you say," she said.

Calvin's parents stared at the video, very disturbed.

"In any case," Dad said, "this doesn't look like the last guys. Doesn't look like he's the right height."

"Agreed," said the policewoman. "Too short. Demeanor is totally different."

"Have you found the car yet?" Mom asked, gripping her husband's arm.

"We're on the lookout for the make, and we've managed to get a hold of the license number. Tracing it back to the dealership, but it doesn't seem local. Came from Montana."

"So?"

"So it seems this guy came all the way down from Montana for the sole purpose of kidnapping your son."

Calvin's parents reeled from the implications of this. Someone had actually come a very long way to kidnap their son. The very idea chilled them. Max clearly picked up on their horror as he began rubbing their shoulders consolingly.

Outside the house, Andy, Sherman and Socrates were watching all this through the window while the MTM transmitted the conversation.

"Well, they've eliminated Dr Brainstorm as a suspect," Sherman sighed.

"Nobody tell him," said Socrates. "He'll feel so disappointed."

Andy thought for a few moments. "Okay…," he said slowly. "We need to help the police in any way we can. If we were kidnappers, what would we do once we had our target?"

Socrates and Sherman stared at him for a long moment.

"… It's kind of reassuring that we don't have an answer for that," Socrates said at last.

Andy rubbed his temples. "Guys, come on! We've got to figure this out! You saw how upset his parents are! For their sake, we need to find him! MTM – you said you have a vague idea where he's located?"

"Sort of," MTM replied. "They're several miles from here, and I could follow the car, but the teleporter is still a bit scrambled. The box probably won't be able to home in on them. I don't know how else we can reach them."

"We could walk."

Everyone stared at the boy incredulously.

"… Walk?" Sherman repeated.

"Like… _primitives?!"_ Socrates added, looking a tad petrified by the idea.

"It would take a long time," MTM pointed out.

"I don't care! We're out of options! We need to find this kidnapper and save our friends!"

What would've been a rousing heroic speech was then cut a bit short by something absolutely no one was expecting. It was the sound of people screaming. Lots of people.

Taken by surprise, Andy, Sherman and Socrates looked at each other in bemusement before running around to the front yard to see what was happening. They saw people running out of their houses and staring up at something on the skyline that was steadily getting bigger and headed straight for them.

It was a spaceship. A massive spaceship was flying in low over the town and heading in their direction.

"Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?" Socrates asked.

Sherman looked around. "I see it, all right, but you want to know what _I'm_ seeing?"

"What's that?" asked Andy.

" _I'm_ seeing _everyone else_ seeing what _we're_ seeing."

The reality of this began to dawn on them. People in the streets were actually looking up and noticing that a gigantic spaceship was flying in low over the town. They were panicking, screaming and taking selfies – the ultimate sign of the end of the world.

Socrates cleared his throat. "Well… we always _did_ want people to notice when we saved the world," he said awkwardly.

"Yeah…," said Andy. "Of course, we never really took into account that it would involve mass panic and hysteria."

"Not to mention potential loss of life," Sherman added.

Andy pulled the MTM out of his pocket. "MTM – scan the ship! Find out who it belongs to!"

MTM sent a pulse of energy in the direction of the ship. "Processing… Processing… Processing… Oh dear."

"What? What is it?"

"It's a Zokian battle cruiser. Rupert's on his way."

* * *

Within the massive control room of the battle cruiser, the alien crew were working away, responding to commands given to them by their captain.

"Lenny, stop fooling around with the pilot's controls! We need to stay on course!"

"Okie dokie!" Lenny replied. "Do you want us to speed up?"

"No! For crying out loud, we need to be careful! We are _not_ screwing this up!"

"We're doing our best!" Biff complained. "But this isn't as fun as the way we usually do things!"

"You think I'm enjoying this? This goes against all the rules!"

"So why are we doing it?"

"Because – "

"Because I _say so_!" thundered a voice.

They all jumped and turned to see Rupert slithering down the ramp into the control room. His compound eyes looked around frantically, wide and fierce.

"We are _going_ to take over this planet, and we're going to do _whatever it takes_!"

"But aren't the humans going to… you know, see us?" asked Erne. "I mean… you guys are kinda weird about them not seeing us…"

Earl cleared his throat. "We don't want them to see us because then they might start to _fight back_ ," he said, hoping he was also reminding Rupert of this.

Rupert just glared at him. "I am _sick_ of all these dumb rules," he snarled.

"They're _your_ rules!" Upon receiving a glare, Earl quickly added, "Your Highness."

"That was back in the day when the planets we took over were _sensible_! They were easier to infiltrate! The rulers and potentates were easier to topple! They didn't have some idiotic mastermind looking out for them like _this_ planet! Some tiny little _child_ to save them time and time again!"

"But we've scanned, sir. The boy is officially missing."

"But for _how long_?! We have to move quickly before he returns!"

"What about the Earth's defenses?! They've got missiles everywhere! Nuclear bombs! They're willing to drop those _on their own people_! Imagine what they'll do to _us_!"

"Stop being a wimp, Earl! We are Zokians! We _rule_ planets! I am not about to let the universe fall from my grasp because we're too scared to take a stand and hang onto it!"

"I understand the frustrations, sir. I just… We've never actually done anything like this before! We don't know what the humans will do when they recover their wits!"

"These primitive fools have been aware of our existence all summer and have done diddly! Now get to work! The next part of the plan! Get to it!"

Earl sighed with frustration but obeyed all the same. He looked over at Luke. "Present location?"

"We're over the Earth Potentate's neighborhood!"

"Good. Scan for the appropriate life forms."

* * *

The ship was slowing down over Calvin's neighborhood. Andy, Sherman and Socrates stared in stunned silence amongst the crazed crowds that were either running in circles or out of town. Cars were peeling out of garages and hurrying down the road.

They were dimly aware of Calvin's parents and Uncle Max running out of the house, followed by the police officers that had been interviewing them. They were watching in horror as the ship came down low over them.

"Oh my gosh…," Mom was saying. "Oh my gosh! What is _that_?!"

"It can't be a…!" Dad stuttered. "I mean, it's…! It just _can't_ be, can it?! Can it?!"

"Just say the word 'spaceship', bro," Max said, trying to keep a cool head. "It's here, it's queer, get used to it."

The police were already talking into their communicators, hoping to find someone who could help them. They ran to their cars and began paging for back up, but they were greeted by several more officers' voices with similar requests, all at various stages of panic.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates observed all this, unable to help being fascinated by all this.

It was out in the open. Aliens were real, and they were coming in for a landing. The world was watching. The world was aware. The world was _awake_.

And it was terrifying.

The ship made a loud rumbling noise that sounded like a lot of jet engines as a plane was taking off. It shuddered and came to a halt, hovering in position above the street.

Socrates cleared his throat. "… Tell them we're not home," he whispered.

Andy noticed a strange yellow glow enveloping his hands. "Bit late for that."

With all the running around, nobody noticed that the boy, the hamster and the tiger on the sidewalk were turning yellow. They didn't notice that they became transparent. They didn't notice them completely disappear.

Max glanced around a moment later. "Hey, what happened to that Andy boy and the other tiger? Could've sworn they were right there!"

Calvin's parents looked at the spot he was pointing at, but saw nothing. "Probably ran home," Dad said. "Come on, we need to get inside! Come on!" He grabbed his wife by the arm and dragged her inside.

Max took one last glance in case he saw the boy, but seeing nothing but the crowd, he glanced up at the ship worriedly before hurrying after them.

Teleportation was always a weird sensation for the person involved. Having your molecules broken down, transmitted across a great distance and then reassembled elsewhere was like going out and getting drunk without the interesting bits.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates were deposited unceremoniously on the floor in a strange room. They knew immediately they were on Rupert's ship, but it was a part of it they'd never seen before. They rubbed their headaches away as quickly as they could, hoping to find something that could help them.

Andy pulled the MTM back out of his pocket. "MTM – where are we? What part of the ship?"

MTM scanned for a moment. "Seems to be a transport room."

"Transport room?" Socrates asked.

"A place for docking shuttle craft. A docking bay, if you will."

The room was large and cavernous, and almost totally empty, save for a single spacecraft that sat in the middle. It was so small, you could be forgiven for not seeing it right away. It was tiny and dumpy, almost the space alien equivalent of a rundown old jalopy.

From behind, they heard a hydraulic door hiss open, and they turned to see Rupert and Earl standing in the hatchway with a pair of large fierce-looking guns and an even fiercer-looking pair of snarls.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates all smiled winningly at the duo.

"Well!" Socrates said faux-cheerfully. "Long time no see, strangers! How ya been?"

The two tall imposing aliens slithered into the room, glaring at them from behind their weapons.

"Right then," Rupert hissed. "Time to take care of you three…"

"Now hold on a second there, Tex," Andy said, keeping his hands visible. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here."

"Yeah," agreed Socrates. "I mean, there's every possibility that we're about to teleport out of here right now! Right, MTM?"

They all looked at the MTM, waiting for something interesting to happen, but nothing did.

Trying to speak without moving his lips, Andy whispered, "MTM…? Any day now…"

The CD player cleared his 'throat' and explained. "I can't seem to actually… teleport right now… or much of anything else. Seems most of my features have been disabled."

Earl smirked. "Gee. Wonder how _that_ happened?"

"You guys actually remembered to disable our defenses?" Socrates asked. "Dang, that's a first."

"And a last," Rupert replied, leveling the gun.

The trio swallowed, absolutely terrified, and they braced themselves for the end.

"… Okay, get in the shuttle."

They stared at the massive alien in front of them in surprise.

"Sorry, what?" Sherman asked. "You want us to get in the _shuttle_?"

"Yes."

Andy blinked. "Now… not to sound like I'm complaining, but couldn't you just shoot us?"

"Apparently, that's not how we do things around here," Earl mumbled, but he subsided at his king's angry glare.

"I don't want to just kill you. I want you to _suffer_. I want you to know _true agony_. And the best way to do that is waiting for you back at home on Zok."

"Whoa, time out, we're actually going to _your_ planet?" asked Socrates. "I don't think we've ever been there! What're all the fashionable Zokians wearing this time of year?"

"Mostly radiation suits around the area we're sending you," Earl replied. "At this precise moment, we're in a bit of a lull during a rather intense intergalactic war. A war that _your_ leader started."

"In the interest of fairness," Sherman said, "I think it's worth pointing out that _you're_ the ones who decided to enslave the universe."

"Yeah, nobody holds onto that kind of power forever!" Andy agreed. "You guys should've prepared for this years ago!"

"Set up a 401k, invested in some property, have something to fall back on," Socrates added.

Rupert sneered. "That's right, keep doing the comedy routine. It's not going to help you. All of you – _in the shuttle_."

Sherman spoke up again. "Or what? You just said you aren't going to shoot us! Why should we do anything you say?"

There was a pause as Rupert considered that point. He shrugged and tossed his weapon aside, letting it clatter on the floor. Even Earl was rather startled by this.

"A very good observation," he said calmly.

There was a long pause where no one was really sure what he would do next.

Without warning, Rupert's front three tentacles sprung forward like eels and coiled around Andy and Socrates, and the third plucked Sherman from Andy's shoulder. All three yelled out in horror as they struggled to wrench themselves free.

Rupert, however, was largely unfazed. "Earl? Get the shuttle door for me, will you?"

"Yes, sir," Earl replied. He slithered down the ramp ahead of his king and made it to the small ship. He pressed a button on the side, and a small door hissed open. He moved aside, and Rupert tossed the boy, the tiger and the hamster inside.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates all crashed against the far wall and slid down to the cold metallic floor. They looked up just in time to see Rupert's bored expression as the door slid shut again.

Staggering to their feet, they took in their surroundings. The shuttle was very small – so small they could see the whole interior without having to travel much. A small cockpit, a couple of chairs and a window were all they were allotted.

"Not even room for an air stewardess," Socrates remarked.

There was a crackling noise from the control panel, and they spotted a small intercom grille in the middle of it. Rupert's voice rang out from it.

" _You are now on a nonstop faster-than-light flight to Zok_ ," he announced. " _I hope the ride is as unpleasant as possible_. _You have no food or water_ , _but I have no doubt you cockroaches will somehow survive_."

"But why are you doing this?" Andy demanded. "What's the point?"

" _Because if you're not here_ , _then you can't save the Earth Potentate_."

They all stared at the intercom.

"Wait… what? You mean… did you have something to do with…?"

The boy never got any further because at that moment, the rumbling of the rockets coming into life interrupted him. He and Socrates immediately ran for the two chairs and fastened their seatbelts. Sherman burrowed himself in Andy's shirt pocket with his little hamster head poking out to watch.

"Not even a complimentary bag of peanuts!" Socrates complained. "They'll be hearing from my travel agent!"

The shuttle rumbled louder and louder, and then a moment later, the view of the landing bay out of the window was replaced by the dark cold blackness of space.

"Oh great!" Andy complained. "How the heck are we going to get out of this shuttle?!"

"Considering that the only thing outside the shuttle right now is outer space, I'm actually okay with staying in the shuttle," replied Sherman. "MTM – how far would you say it is to Zok?"

"Indeterminable," replied MTM. "Although, given our current velocity, I'd wager about a day."

"How the heck are we supposed to survive in space for an entire day?!" demanded Andy.

"My hypercube is stocked with snacks and bottled water. Calvin prepares for these things, you know."

"Lucky for us, he's also forgetful," Socrates added. "I don't suppose your radio is working?"

"Afraid not."

"I see… Got any powdered doughnuts?"

"Only jelly-filled."

"My god, it's worse than I thought."

The three friends could only sit tight and brace themselves for a really long flight.


	5. Invading Idiots

_The weather was cold and wet, biting at the soldiers as they began suiting up for another battle. They were preparing as they had been trained to – guns and gas masks. They were all loading up jeeps and preparing to move out._

 _All except one, who was reading something on a piece of crumpled paper with his gas mask on his forehead as if it were a pair of sunglasses. He had a wistful look in his eyes as he scanned the contents, smiling at a few witticisms scattered throughout and memorizing the messy handwriting. His heart was full, which was the only he found he could go through with this. The only way he could deal with this war…_

" _Hey, Nick!" a familiar voice shouted. "Get that gas mask on! We're not here for the weather, you know!"_

 _Nick rolled his eyes and pocketed the letter. "Yes, mother," he replied._

 _Rupert scowled. "What the heck are you reading that's so important anyway?"_

" _None of your business."_

" _It's not that letter from your wife again, is it?"_

" _So what if it is?"_

" _You've been reading that thing for days! The next one will come when it comes! Keep your head in the game!"_

" _Hey, it's better reading than your diary! Keeps my spirits up!"_

" _You want to keep your spirits up? How about thinking about our country? Think about the place where your wife and son live! Think about protecting them from the evil foreigners that live over here in… When did you read my diary?!"_

" _You left it sitting out to use the latrine. Might I recommend a few car chases in your next entry?"_

" _Shut up!"_

" _And just so you know, Rupert – the president's never going to thank you for your service and invite you over for a beer."_

 _John walked over, slipping his own gas mask on. "And you're not going to go on The Match Game and win yourself a fortune, either," he added._

 _Rupert gawked at his brother in horror._

 _John shrugged. "Who do you think gave him the key to your diary?"_

" _You two…! You know what? Whatever. When this is over, the president is going to pin a medal on me while you two are washing dishes in some middle school cafeteria! You'll see!"_

 _Nick snorted. "Right, the guy who's sending all the nation's young people to die in battle just because the press called him a wimp is going to ask Rupert Chill over for a brewski. Makes total sense."_

 _Rupert looked genuinely furious at this point, which prompted John to give him a friendly punch on the shoulder._

" _Aw, come on, bro. Lighten up," he chuckled. "We all want to go home, so the jokes are just how we let off steam. I mean, come on. In this wasteland, you need all the sense of humor you can get. If we actually stopped and focused on all the carnage and destruction around here, we'd go mad!"_

 _There was a long silence during which Rupert calmed down. John and Nick observed him carefully. He was breathing heavily, his face was returning to its natural color, and he seemed to be really thinking about what they were saying. His eyes flitted around the area, as if taking in the scenery – the cold barren lonely scenery. For the briefest of moments, they could see past the patriotic bluster and saw the man behind it._

 _It only lasted a few seconds, of course, but thankfully, when the bluster returned, it was much more subdued._

" _Fine," he said firmly. "But tone it down, will you? We're fighting for our country, for crying out loud."_

" _Sir, yes, sir," Nick replied with a wink._

 _Rupert allowed a rueful smirk before he slipped his gas mask back on and walked out into the cold towards the other soldiers._

" _Childhood must've been fun," Nick muttered to John._

 _John shrugged. "He's always been a bit… odd, shall we say. But the war's bringing something out of him. I figure it's all psychological. He has to believe his country is great to give him something to believe in. Gives him something to fight for. Kinda like you and your family. You'll fight so you can go home."_

 _Nick nodded thoughtfully. "True enough…"_

 _They heard their commanding officer give a yell, and they turned and headed up to the jeep._

* * *

The minutes ticked away like hours. Calvin and Hobbes had been moved to a bedroom in the cabin. The door was locked and presumably barricaded from the other side judging from the sounds of heavy moving furniture after the kidnapper had transported them. There was a singular messy bed with a worn out frame, a mattress without a sheet over it and a single small quilt over it. There was a window but it appeared to be locked from the outside, and neither Calvin nor Hobbes could find anything to provide the necessary force to break it, after a thorough search of the room.

"So do we have a plan yet?" Hobbes asked, as he sat down on the bed and quickly revolted upon seeing how much dust and dirt was on it.

"None yet, no…," Calvin grumbled scanning the room himself. "I still think our best bet is breaking the window, but I'm not strong enough to accomplish such a feat."

"Yeah, I don't think I am either." Hobbes nodded.

Calvin raised an eyebrow. "Really? The vicious jungle cat isn't strong enough to break a window?"

"Being a vicious jungle cat has nothing to do with strength I'll have you know." Hobbes sniffed.

"The vicious jungle cat that is widely known for being the largest big cat in the world is not strong enough to break a window?" Calvin reiterated, crossing his arms.

"Okay, do you realize how long it will take to get all that glass out of my fur?" Hobbes finally submitted.

Calvin sighed and walked over to the window, peering out. "I don't even know where we would go if we got out." He sighed.

Outside, he saw nothing but wasteland. There were no buildings or houses in the distance, no cars on the dirt road leading out and no land mark or other indication of where they had been taken. The area had an eerie stillness to it.

"I suppose we could follow the road out, but who knows how long we'd walk?" Hobbes said, tapping his chin.

"Yeah," Calvin nodded. "And I'm sure that guy would probably notice our absence and come after us before we made much distance on him. Hmm..." Calvin paused as he stared out the window in thought. "I don't think there's anything we can do at this point. We just need to wait for this Nick character to make his next move."

"Ugh... I hate waiting," Hobbes groaned. "Especially when I don't know what I'm waiting for."

" _ **NO!**_ "

Calvin and Hobbes both jumped at the sudden and unexpected scream that shot out through the cabin.

Upon finally regaining themselves, they stared at each other in confusion before their eyes went to the locked door.

"Was that... _him_?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin held a finger up to silence the tiger as he slowly moved closer to the wooden door. He tilted his head. He could make out the vague sound of speech that he recognized quickly as the kidnapper. Though the sound was distinct, Calvin couldn't make any words out. As silently as he could, he got closer to the door and pressed his ear up against it, covering his other ear as he listened.

"…don't understand… not fair… hate this so much… stupid kid…"

Calvin turned to Hobbes with an unsettled expression. "He's talking to himself..." He whispered.

Hobbes blinked as he leaned forward to hear. "That's… different…"

"Can't do this anymore!" The voice grew louder as it became apparent that he was approaching the door.

Calvin and Hobbes quickly backed up and jumped onto the bed, trying to assume positions that told they didn't hear any of the mental breakdown that was happening outside.

The sound of furniture was heard scrapping against the wooden floor again, followed by the clicking of the door key, before the door flew open, revealing the kidnapper, holding a McDonald's bag disinterestedly. Calvin could immediately tell he seemed even more unhinged than the last time he saw him.

"I brought you food." He grumbled, throwing the bag on the ground, his eyes not meeting Calvin's.

Calvin stared at the bag for a long moment, before his eyes went back up to him. "Well it's a good thing we have a McDonald's across the street."

The kidnapper snorted slightly and Calvin thought he noticed the hint of a smirk tugging at the side of his mouth. "Still have a sense of humor, I see," he grunted, still not making eye contact with the boy.

"I've kept it through worse." Calvin replied.

The kidnapper paused as he considered those words for a minute. "Couldn't have ever been that bad then," he said, finally, turning around and leaving the room.

He closed the door and locked it, and the sound of furniture barricading it was heard once again.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged concerned glances.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm had managed to tie a rope around his mother to keep her from drifting around the room. She was still shouting, but from up there, it wasn't nearly as noticeable. In the meantime, the man himself was trying to keep some degree of order in his lab.

Sadly, his fan club was running amok, playing with all his inventions. The lab had filled with loud noises, frequent lasers and ecstatic fan-gasming.

Jack and Jacqueline sat casually in lawn chairs by the experiment room, watching with interest and eating popcorn. They almost didn't notice Mr. Brainstorm – Frank and Sheila's father – enter the room.

"Oh, hey, Mr B!" Jacqueline said brightly.

"Hello, Jacqueline!" he replied in that friendly way that was just _so_ unlike the rest of his family. "Jack – is everything okay here?"

"Everything's just peachy," Jack replied. "Frank's fan club is just visiting."

"HEY!" Dr Brainstorm shouted. "DON'T POINT THAT AT – _WHOA! HEY!_ NOT COOL, MAN! STOP IT!"

"What does _this_ do?" a young woman's life rang out.

There was a beep. Then a ball of flame flew across the room.

"PUT THAT DOWN!"

" _FRANK, GET THESE NIMRODS UNDER CONTROL_!" Sheila yelled. She was hiding behind an overturned table.

Shrugging, Mr. Brainstorm walked calmly through the crossfire of laser and flame towards his daughter and crouched down next to her.

"Hey, kitten! What's up?"

"Hi, Dad," Sheila griped. "Just hiding from Frank's dingbat fan club."

"Good, good… Have you seen your mother?"

Sheila pointed to the ceiling. He followed her gaze and saw his wife glaring down at them from a rope that was tied to the table leg.

"Sweetie? What're you doing up there?"

"FLOATING BECAUSE OF OUR SON'S _CRAZY_ INVENTION!"

"Oh, okay. Found that earring, by the way!" he said, pulling out the jewelry in question.

"THANK YOU, DARLING! I'LL TAKE IT LATER! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT TREACHEROUS SON OF OURS!"

Mr. Brainstorm nodded and peered over the table. He quickly ducked as a ball of flame collided with it and burned off a chunk right where his head had been. He looked again, and this time, he scanned the room and saw his son looking extremely annoyed as a crew of at least ten people were running around with his inventions. He crept through the mayhem, crawling on his hands and knees until he was right next to his son.

"Frank!" he called over the noise. "What seems to be the trouble here?"

"Dad!" Dr Brainstorm yelped. "It's my legion of followers! They won't _behave themselves_!"

"Ahhhh, yes, trying to maintain the minds of the masses. Always tricky business. I had a group when I tried to take over the world in college…"

"You did?"

"Oh yeah. They just adored me so much, they couldn't think straight! They were more of hindrance than anything else!"

"Wow, some things really _do_ run in the family," Dr Brainstorm grumbled as he ducked to avoid a laser beam. "What did you do?"

"It's not enough to just _have_ followers, Frank. If you want to rule the world, you have to issue commands. Bend them to your will. Give them direction. Create order from chaos."

"How do I do that?"

"Oh, come on, Franklin! What's the most important thing you got from your mother…?"

Dr Brainstorm thought for a moment, and then he realized. Giving his father a chance to duck down and cover his ears, he turned to the crowd and let out a great bellow.

" _HEY! KNOCK! IT! OFFFFFFFFFF!_ "

The resulting silence was deafening. Every single member of his fan club froze where they stood – some of them in the process of activating some sort of weapon. One woman had been just about to dare another guy to drink from some beaker that contained some noxious-looking chemicals.

All eyes were on Dr Brainstorm. He was glaring at them furiously.

"All right, you knuckle-knobs!" he snapped. "Enough of this playing around! You've almost destroyed my lab acting like clueless _children_! Start acting like civilized adults and stand to attention!"

To his surprise, all members of his fan club dropped whatever they were holding and stood stock still. He threw a glance to his crouching dad, who gave him a cheery thumbs-up and scooted back over to the other Brainstorms.

"So!" he said shortly. "Who's the _leader_ of this little jamboree, anyway?"

He heard someone clearing their throat above him. "Er, that'd be me."

Everyone looked up and saw an older guy in glasses and a Hawaiian shirt was hovering in the air thanks to some sort of beanie with a propeller on it.

"And your name is…?"

"Larry, my master."

"Larry, stop playing with the Beanie Copter and get your butt down here! You're the leader of this fan club, so start leading! Keep them in line! No more playing with my inventions! Got questions? Ask them! Otherwise – _no touchy_! Comprende?"

Larry gulped as he lowered to the ground. "Comprendo."

While this was going on, Jack turned to glance into the next room. He happened to notice that there was a flashing red light on the control panel. Since his creator was busy, he decided to slip away and see what was up. Jacqueline followed.

"What's buzzin', cousin?" she asked.

"Some sort of bru-ha-ha occurring," he replied. "This is linked with some security cameras in Calvin's neighborhood. Frank likes to keep tabs on him and Hobbes. Something must be happening."

Jack pressed a few buttons, and the giant monitor came on.

The two robots were greeted by the sight of people running and screaming, with gunshots firing in the distance. Confused, Jack pressed a button that skipped through the various cameras, and indeed, it was happening all over the neighborhood, on every street. He pressed another button on a certain camera to make it turn. Since all the people seemed to be looking up at the sky, there must be something up there worth noticing.

He saw the large Zokian battle cruiser floating above the scene.

"Ah," Jack said at last. "That can't be good…"

* * *

Calvin's parents had locked themselves in their bedroom with Uncle Max. The curtains were drawn and lights were off as they sat on their bed, holding each other's hands fearfully as they hoped and prayed the aliens would overlook their house.

Outside, the sounds of screams and chaos continued, with the occasional gunshot ringing out. Mom, Dad and Max didn't know what was going on, but they refused to check the windows or door to see.

"I wonder if this is the first time aliens have visited," Max wondered.

Dad shook his head. "Couldn't imagine. I mean it's not like we're the most impressive species to visit."

"I don't think they're here to visit, dear," Mom sighed.

Suddenly, through all the screams and all the noise and terror that was occurring outside, they heard something they were not expecting to hear at that point. With no warning at all, a loud yet not overwhelming chime rang out through the house, and hung in the air for a moment awkwardly.

"Was… was that the doorbell?" Mom asked.

"I think it was," Dad replied, just as baffled at the concept. "Someone just rang our doorbell."

They waited and listened. The screaming and gunshots were still going off, followed by car horns and police sirens blaring. For a moment, nothing else was coming. Until the doorbell rang a second time.

This time, curiosity was beginning to grip the couple as they eyed their bedroom door cautiously.

"Should we… go look?" Mom asked.

"Are you crazy?" Dad asked. "You saw what it looked like out there! It's not going to be long before the looting starts. And I'm not about to lose my new toaster, darn it!"

"Bro, that toaster is from the 1950s…," Max said slowly. "No offense, but you don't have anything worth looting."

"He's got a point," said Mom. "We haven't bought a new piece of technology for ages. We never even got a VCR for god's sake…"

"The way we should keep it, in my opinion," Dad grumbled.

Mom started getting up from the bed. "That might be Andy, he might not be able to get back to his house right now, and I'm not going to just leave him out there while this is going on! I'm going to check on it."

Dad's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to protest, but could think of nothing to rebut the argument. Reluctantly, he stood up and followed Mom and Max out the bedroom door.

They slowly started their way downstairs as they heard the sound of the doorbell a third time. As Mom approached the door and her hand hovered over the doorknob, she decided to speak. "Who's there?!" she shouted in a slightly trembling voice.

"It's us!" came a happy and somewhat clueless voice from the other side of the door.

"Who's 'us'?" Dad asked, slowly.

"Lenny and Carl!" the voice came again. "Biff is here too, but don't tell Earl! He's supposed to be managing our force field generator!"

"Personally, I don't think those bullet holes in the hull are that noticeable," came another voice with an almost identical tone of cluelessness.

"It sounds like a kid…," Max said, slowly. "They don't sound like they know what's happening though…"

"Are you kids alone?" Mom shouted through the door.

There was a silence that was finally broken with the first voice again.

"Nah, like we said. It's Lenny and Carl." the voice said, the sound of happiness not fading from his tone. "You can just pretend Biff isn't here though. Maybe he can hide in the kitchen!"

"Ooh, ooh! Do you have a walk in cabinet?!" the second voice said, in a more excited tone as another gunshot rang out.

Mom paused as she tried to think of the appropriate response to what was being said to her.

"Okay… I'm going to open the door now…," she said, finally. "You kids can stay here until we find out where your parents are."

As she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was a gray tentacle sliding through the crack and gripping the side as the foreign face of an alien peeked through and smiled widely at her, baring obvious carnivorous fangs, and staring down at her with large pupiless yellow eyes.

"AAUGH!" the three adults screamed in horror as they both stumbled backwards and fell to the floor. Mom covered her face in terror while Dad scrambled to try and pick himself up, only to fall over once again on top of Max.

The alien stared at them for a long moment. His smile remained intact. "You people greet each other really weirdly," he remarked. "We just say 'hello'. I'm not here to judge, though!"

He opened the door wider, revealing two other aliens identical in appearance, clueless smiles and all, as they slid effortlessly across the floor looking around the house.

"So… this is the Earth Potentate's house." Biff said, nodding. "I pictured it being bigger."

"I thought it would have more paintings of him around." Lenny agreed.

"Right?" Carl added. "If I didn't know any better, I would say this looks like every single other house we've been to, and the kid we've been chasing for so long isn't actually the Earth Potentate, and we've just been pointlessly wasting our time for over ten years."

There was a moment of silence as the aliens stood there, smiling and nodding at the thought.

"Good thing we're smarter than these silly humans," Lenny said finally. "They're obviously trying to _make_ us think that."

"That's why you do your research," Carl agreed, tapping the side of his head.

"Who are you?!" Mom screamed. "What do you want from us?!"

Lenny, Carl and Biff all stared down at the humans before them, as if they had legitimately forgotten the reason for coming down in the first place.

Carl leaned over to Lenny.

"Where's that memo Lenny gave to you?" he whispered.

Lenny frantically began typing onto a keypad on his wrist. "It's in here somewhere…," he mumbled. "Give me a minute!"

"Hurry!" Biff whispered back. "The humans are gonna think we're unprofessional!"

"I got this! Maybe it's in this folder…"

The adults exchanged terrified yet confused expressions.

All of a sudden, a hologram projection came up from Lenny's arm and displayed a monologue of text.

The aliens squinted their eyes and stared at it.

"No, no, that one's for that one guy who runs America, but not the whole world." Carl said, finally. He turned to Mom, tapping his chin. "What do you call him again?"

"The president?" Mom said, slowly.

"Yeah that one!" Carl nodded.

"How about this one?" Lenny asked, bringing up a new hologram.

"That's for The Supreme Dictator of Mexico!" Carl said, finally.

"We'll get to you yet, George Lopez," Biff nodded.

Lenny pushed another button and brought up a new hologram, once again.

"Oooh, ooh, wait! I think this is it!"

"I mean, they all say the same thing, but still! It's important, man!" Carl grinned.

Lenny stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Ahem… Hello insert planetary leader name here!" He read, proudly. "We are the Zokian Empire! I am insert Royal Zokain Army name #1 here and insert Royal Zokain Army name #2 here. We are your new leaders now. We will take over your planet by force if applicable, parentheses see page 36 for more info parentheses."

"Then it just kinda goes on from there…," Lenny said, scrolling through the text. "But don't worry! We'll fill you in on the important stuff!"

"Basically it's pretty simple," Carl explained. "You pretty much just have to relinquish your free will and thoughts and pledge your ultimate allegiance to the king of Zok, Rupert Chill."

"He's an all right guy," Biff nodded. "Yells a lot. Kind of a mean jerk head sometimes. But overall I'd give him a six out of ten."

"You get extra points for kissing up," Carl whispered. "Trust me, it's how Lenny and I get the TV on weekends."

"What do you need us to do?" Mom finally said, looking down at the ground.

"Well we didn't bring the contract, but if we have your word, we'll go forge your signatures on them when we get back onto the ship!" Lenny grinned. "There's gonna be a platoon of us coming down in the next half hour or so to assure the domination of every person on the planet or something like that, but we needed to get you guys first. Being the Earth Potentate's family and all."

"It's like you're celebrities, only we're supposed to hate you and stuff," Carl added.

The adults stared at them with helpless expressions. The aliens stared back.

Finally Lenny shrugged. "Well that's good enough for me," he said. "Was there anything else we were supposed to do?"

"Were we supposed to take them back up to the ship?" Carl asked.

"I don't remember Earl saying anything about it," Lenny said, tapping his chin in thought. "No, I think we're done."

There was a moment of silence as the aliens continued standing there in what Calvin's parents and uncle could only assume was a moment of complete spacing out.

"Well… bye!" Lenny said, finally, waving at them.

Carl and Biff did the same, as they turned around and started out of the house. As they did another gunshot rang out.

"I think that one hit my bedroom window," Carl said.

"Don't worry! I'll buff it out!" Biff assured him.

"Can you buff out holes in glass?"

"Yup! Do it all the time!"

"Cool!"

Lenny closed the door behind him.

There was a moment of silence as Mom, Dad and Max stared at the door in complete shock.

"What… what just happened?" Dad asked slowly.

"I think we just got taken over by an alien race," Mom said, giving her husband an equally confused look.

There was another pause before they heard the door open in front of them again.

They looked around to see Lenny poking his head inside. "Hey… since we're all, like, taking over you and stuff," he said, looking around. "Have you guys got anything good to eat?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** _Okay, we've got aliens on the ground now! How about leaving some reviews so we can have some feedback on where this is going? Pretty please?_


	6. Escaping Elsewhere

Calvin peered through the keyhole of the room he and Hobbes were trapped in. They had been taking turns watching the kidnapper's activities, which hadn't amounted to much. He left on occasion to get provisions – mostly fast food, but once in a while, he brought produce – and he didn't seem all that interested in conversation.

Attempts to actually talk to him had fallen flat, with him mostly just threatening to hurt them if they kept pestering him. Knowing that this weirdo was likely enough to act on his promises, Calvin had decided to keep quiet from then on.

Hobbes was sleeping on the mattress, mewling and snoring softly. Every once in a while, he would twitch and move, as if he was chasing something in his dreams. He rolled over frantically, growling and clawing at the air in manic fits.

Calvin took a glance at his friend. He had long since learned how to deal with him when he slept like this. After all, they shared a bed – he had to learn for his own safety. He scanned the floor and spotted small piece of wood which had broken off the floorboards. He chucked it in the tiger's direction, and it landed on his head.

Hobbes gave the air one last swipe before he jolted awake. He looked around frantically before he locked eyes with Calvin.

"… Do I even _want_ to know?" the boy asked.

Hobbes looked sheepish. "No, not really… Totally unrelated – when this over, can we hit up Africa for some antelope?"

Calvin glared at him before resuming his observations. He heard footsteps and saw the kidnapper walking around the room, muttering something he couldn't understand. He was walking around, gesturing in short bursts, going back and forth like a caged animal.

Looking around some more, Calvin spotted an old landline telephone on an end table. Straining his ears to listen, it seemed as though the man was repeating a few things over and over again.

"What's he doing?" Hobbes whispered, coming over to see.

"Sounds like… he's rehearsing," Calvin replied.

They both peered through the keyhole as the kidnapper paced a few more times. They couldn't hear a lot of it, but they _did_ hear words like "money" and "return" and "shoot" come up sporadically.

Finally, he came to a halt in the middle of the room, taking a deep breath as if to cleanse himself of all negative thoughts – like an actor about to go on stage. He reached up and started to rub something between his thumb and forefinger. Squinting his eyes, Calvin saw that it was a pendant with a colored rock on it, hanging from a chain around his neck. He wondered what it was.

The kidnapper calmed himself down before going over to the phone. He dialed a number that Calvin couldn't see and sat down in the chair, drumming his fingers agitatedly. He waited for quite a while before he got an answer.

"Hello, police department. Who is this?" a voice asked, sounding a little flustered.

"This is Nick Caraway," the kidnapper said, not aware that had prompted both Calvin and Hobbes to roll their eyes. "I'm calling to inform you that I've got the kid that you're all looking for, named Calvin, and I'm giving you my demands…"

The kidnapper then heard a loud shout and a crash in the background, causing him to crinkle his brow in confusion.

"If this is an inconvenient time, I can call back later," he added dryly.

"Look, mac," the officer said frantically. "We've got an alien spaceship descending over a suburban neighborhood right now, and these weird buggy-eyed monsters are slithering around the town! That kid is probably safer with you at the moment!"

The kidnapper blinked. "… What?" he asked. He sounded genuinely thrown for a change.

"If you can just refrain from hurting the kid until we can get to him, we'll give you a call after this has been dealt with," the officer continued. "Also – come up with a better alias. Anyone who's sat through high school literature knows where you got that name."

With that, the dial tone rang in the kidnapper's ear, leaving him sitting in a stupor. He looked at the phone before settling it back on the cradle. He looked around, lost in a cloud of thought. What the heck was he supposed to do now?

"… No bidders?" Calvin asked innocently.

The kidnapper jumped out of his reverie, fixating an embarrassed glare at the keyhole. He stood up and stormed over to it, causing Calvin to jump back. If he'd riled the man too much, he'd be in serious trouble.

All that happened was that the man slammed his fists into the door furiously, causing Calvin and Hobbes to leap into each other's arms in fright. He pounded over and over again until his fury was spent, and then, silence.

They heard a low throaty chuckle on the other side, and the door bent slightly as the man leaned against it.

"Turns out they're losing their minds out there," he said, almost amused. "Apparently, they've got aliens landing, and they're too _busy_ to actually deal with you."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances, not liking where this was going.

"Aliens?" Calvin repeated.

"Yeah, I think he said bug-eyed guys slithering around town… Fruitcake. Must've been a gas leak…"

There was a long silence before they heard the sound of footsteps slouching off until they went out the front door.

Hobbes finally spoke. "You don't think…?"

"Rupert and Earl? Invading Earth properly? After all this time?"

"With us missing, this'd be a good time to strike."

Calvin sighed. "Had a feeling they'd be back at some point. Worst case of timing _ever_ …"

"Well, what do we do now? We need to escape and deal with this!"

"I know, I know… Think, think think…"

The boy thought for a few seconds. He peered out the keyhole and looked around. He couldn't see much, but he could see that it was empty. Then his mind cast back to just a few moments ago when the door was being pounded. He jiggled the handle, finding it still locked, but a cursory glance at the hinges showed that they had been loosened during the kidnapper's venting of his rage.

He glanced at Hobbes, and then an idea rattled around in his head.

"Hobbes, do you think you could break the door down?"

The tiger looked the door up and down and shrugged. "I could certainly try…"

Calvin moved out of the way so his friend could get into position.

Hobbes got down on all fours and reared up. His eyes narrowed at his target, his tail twitched a few times, and then went into his wind up and leapt through the air, slamming all his weight against the door. It budged, but it didn't break, and he came back down on his paws, lightly but quickly going back and resuming his original position.

He repeated this process. Pounce. Bang. Repeat.

He did this a third time. Pounce. Bang. Repeat. Each time, he would start over again, like a diligent machine.

Calvin had to admit, it was fascinating to watch his friend behave like a tiger when he wasn't the target. He stood back and admired while he could.

Hobbes pounced, banged and repeated a few more times, throwing all his momentum against the aged wood, putting as much strain as he could on the hinges. After what felt like an ice age, one pounce proved to be one too many for the door, and it burst off its hinges! Hobbes didn't even seem to notice at first, simply bouncing off the door as he had before, and he was back in his original position before it even hit the floor.

They stared at the fallen door in surprise for a few moments before realizing it had worked.

"… Well!" Hobbes said at last. "Shall we exit?"

"Oh yes, let's," Calvin agreed.

The two friends ran out into the open, out the front door and into the open air.

"Okay…," Hobbes said as they ran. "We got out of the house. Now what?"

"HEY!"

They looked over their shoulders and saw the kidnapper coming out from behind the cabin, running after them.

"Now we get away from _him_!" Calvin replied. "Run for it!"

The two friends ran as fast as their legs could carry them, sprinting up the gravel road until they found the paved highway. They looked up and down, spying a few cars driving by.

Hobbes put out his thumb as a car went by. "Going my way?" he shouted.

"I don't think we have time for this," Calvin said, noticing the kidnapper was catching up.

They scanned the traffic again. At last, they spotted it – a pickup truck! With only one chance, they turned and scampered onto the road and chased after it. It wasn't going super-fast, so they kept up with it until it slowed down to take a sharp turn, at which point, Hobbes nabbed Calvin, and they jumped into the back, ducking down low so they wouldn't be seen.

The kidnapper, witnessing all this, cursed under his breath. He stood by the road for a while, wondering if he ought to just turn around and forget the whole thing. He could find a new place to stay. There were plenty of places he could hide. Grab his car, drive as far as he could, then ditch it and move on. After all, this was one kid. Not worth all the trouble.

And yet… something deep inside him made him think… no.

He _had_ to catch that kid. He just _had_ to. He wasn't sure why, but he just needed to catch up with him, and keep him until he got his money.

Unconsciously, he rubbed the pendant around his neck as he ran back down the gravel road to his car. He was going to find that kid.

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

This was the never-ending loop that Andy and Sherman had fallen asleep to several hours ago.

Socrates was sitting in the chair of the pod, constantly bouncing up and down if they had arrived at Zok yet, and MTM – knowing exactly where the planet was – simply responded without a trace of annoyance. Whether or not the mischievous feline was doing this to drive the CD player crazy was debatable, seeing as how the MTM was a machine and thus, very difficult to rattle.

Andy and Sherman, however, had decided to just call it a day and sleep through the whole journey. A half-finished bottle of water sat between them as they lay curled up on the cold hard floor.

Socrates, however, was too excited. He'd slept a little, but only for a few hours. Now he was back up and doing what he did best – be a nuisance.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes."

"Are we there… huh?"

Socrates turned and peered out the sole window of the craft and tried to get a good look. Then, he saw it.

Zok loomed ahead.

Quickly, he turned and started shaking the others awake.

"Guys! Wake up! Total photo op coming up!"

Andy jolted awake and looked around. "What?! What's going…? Oh, right. End of the world. Forgot."

Sherman tried to roll over and ignore them. "Just five more minutes…"

Andy picked him up and carried him over as he tried to stretch the kink out of his shoulder. "What've we got?"

"Rupert's pad!" Socrates replied.

The three friends peered out the window, and they all saw the massive planet.

It was a dark red with large swirling orange masses across it, much like Earth's oceans. They looked it all over, staring at the large dark clouds. There was an occasional flash of light from within them.

"What's that?" Andy asked. "Some kind of storm?"

"Doesn't strike me as natural lightning," Sherman said suspiciously.

"Negatory," MTM agreed. "The few sensors I have left indicate some sort of battle."

"War torn Zok," Socrates mused. "Rupert and Earl _did_ mention their neighbors were upset with them…"

The planet was coming faster than they'd anticipated. It grew larger as they made the approach, and then they were bounced around as the turbulence from the atmosphere enveloped the ship.

As they flew through the dark clouds, they saw what they'd been afraid of – lots and lots of ships that were firing energy blasts at the planet. They struggled to see what they were firing at, and then they saw it.

It was a mighty castle. The other ships were trying to destroy it. However, most blasts were being absorbed by a force field that lit up whenever contact was made, and it was made a lot.

"Looks like the war is heating up," Sherman said, looking it over. "At some point, they're going to penetrate that force field."

"Then Rupert's going to have to live in a tent in the backyard," Socrates chuckled.

"Fun though it is commentating on Zokian housing developments," Andy said calmly, "I can't help but notice that we're heading straight for the place where the big ships are shooting."

Indeed, their pod was initiating its landing procedure. The ground raced up to them until they finally came in for a bumpy landing, tossing them around the ship as it bounced and wobbled for several yards, finally coming to a stop a few miles from the castle. It rocked back and forth a few times before coming to an awkward stop.

Silence.

Then a hiss.

The doors on the pod slid open, revealing the blackened soil outside. Andy, Sherman and Socrates, with the MTM in Andy's pocket, staggered out into daylight. They took in the desolate landscape. Rupert's castle stood tall and proud in the distance, while the surrounding area was burnt beyond recognition. Wisps of smoke were still dancing in the breeze, giving the place an odor that resembled a bonfire made with rotten wood. Lining the area were huge oceans of molten lava that churned and bubbled several yards from them.

Socrates let out a whistle. "Man, I feel sorry for the landscaper set to take care of _this_ mess…"

Sherman glanced up at the sky, and it was a good thing he did. He tugged on Andy's sleeve. "Look out!"

They all looked up and saw heavy laser fire about to rain down on them. They all dove out of the way and made a mad dash in the opposite direction as an explosion of dirt and smoke erupted behind them with an almighty blast.

"I get the feeling Rupert was trying to blow us up!" Socrates shouted over the noise.

"MTM – any chance of finding us some cover?" Andy asked hopefully.

"None that can withstand the force of the laser fire," MTM replied calmly.

"Well, how about something that can give us false hope for a while?" Sherman suggested.

"There's a rickety old building not too far from here."

They all looked around as more lasers blasted the ground away. They coughed and spluttered, rubbing the dirt out of their eyes. Finally, though, they spotted the building. It was a one story structure, but it resembled a small shop. It had somehow survived all the bombing and explosions, standing a tad awkwardly, but nonetheless upright and with a roof.

Deciding that it was good enough for them, the trio ran through the open door and as far into it as they could.

The interior was much less impressive. Barely any lighting, but the windows were all open, so some light could still travel inside. They came to a halt just a few inches from the light.

Andy and Socrates hunched over, trying to get their lungs to start working again. Sherman climbed down onto the floor, looking around in fascination.

"Interesting architecture!" he mused.

"How?" Socrates demanded. "Looks like any building you'd find on Earth!"

"Exactly! Isn't it interesting how the same basic ideas and principles echo throughout the universe?"

"It might be more interesting if we weren't in danger of being blasted by angry aliens," Andy pointed out. "My thoughts are that we need to start actually coming up with a _plan_."

"Such as?" Socrates asked.

"MTM – can you teleport us to safety?"

"Nope. Whatever Rupert did to my systems is still in effect."

"Okay… How about the phone? Can we use your phone?"

"… Yes, my phone is still working… Feel the sudden urge for a long-distance crank call?"

"That's not what I meant."

"How're we going to order a pizza out here?" Socrates wondered.

"Who the heck can we call at a time like this?" Sherman demanded. "We can't call Calvin – we've got the closest thing he's got to a cell phone with us!"

"Cheers, mate," MTM muttered.

"We could try his parents," Andy suggested. "If nothing else, we can let them know where we are. Maybe they can help."

"How?!"

"Maybe Calvin's escaped and gotten home by now! We have to find out! He might be able to get the box and help us!"

Sherman shook his head, chalking it up to the fear driving his friend to this weird decision, but he stood aside and allowed it to play out.

MTM dialed the number and popped his lid so they all could listen. They could hear it ringing, but they didn't know that Calvin's house was totally empty. They were completely unaware that his parents were being ushered outside, along with Uncle Max, by a band of aliens. They were totally in the dark about the fact that their neighborhood's inhabitants were being led to unspeakable doom.

They _were_ aware, however, of the fact that there was no voicemail to listen to.

" _We're sorry_ ," said an electronic woman's voice. " _The recipients of your call are not available right now. Please call again later._ "

"Man, Calvin's dad does _not_ want an answering machine," Socrates noted.

"Makes you wonder how he's existing as a patent lawyer in the twenty-first century without a cell phone," Sherman agreed.

"Should I call someone else?" MTM asked.

"Like who?"

"Well, Susie Derkins is listed in his contacts."

"… For real?" Andy asked, genuinely shocked that Calvin had the phone number of the girl he publically derided and despised.

"I feel like we should call just to see what happens," Socrates said, looking excited.

Andy sighed. "Put her on."

* * *

Susie was hiding under a table in her kitchen. She was absolutely going out of her mind at the moment. She could hear all the commotion outside, so she was determined not to go anywhere near the doors and windows. Her parents had gone out to look for things to defend themselves with, like gardening supplies ranging from the rake to the wheelbarrow. She had only been on her own for a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity.

Imagine her surprise when the phone on the counter started ringing.

She listened to it for a solid fourteen seconds before she finally dared to reach out and grab it, deciding that if it was an alien, she'd hang up immediately. She pressed the talk button.

"… H-hello…?" she stuttered.

"Susie! It's Andy!"

"Andy?! Where are you? Are you okay?! There're these… _things_ slithering around, attacking everyone, and I don't know what to do! I'm so scared!"

"Susie, please calm down! It's going to be okay! You just stay put and listen to me, okay?"

Susie took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. "Okay… Okay… I'm trying."

"Good. Now listen, I need you to tell me – have you seen or heard from Calvin?"

"No, I haven't. He still missing. With all the excitement, I don't think anyone's even looking for him anymore…"

"Okay, listen to me. If he comes back, I need you to tell him where we are."

" _Where_ are you? And who are you even _with_?"

"Socrates, Sherman and me! We're on the planet Zok – the aliens' home planet. We're trapped here, we don't know how to get home, and the MTM isn't working right now. We need him and Hobbes to help us get home!"

Susie stared at the phone. "… What?"

"Susie, _please_ tell me you'll tell him! We're depending on you!"

"You… you're on an… alien _planet_ …?"

"Yes! The aliens that are _attacking our neighborhood_ are from a planet!"

"Andy, there's… there's no such thing as… you can't _possibly_ be…"

The others didn't know it, but Susie was having a bit of a breakdown right now. She had always been a bright girl, interested in knowledge, and she'd been confident in her belief that there were no aliens and that Calvin was a moronic little weirdo. This alien invasion was playing hell with her comfort zone. In a frantic move to preserve her sanity, she hung up.

She saw her mother come in, wielding a rake. "Did I hear the phone ring?"

"Telemarketer," Susie replied, going into the fetal position and rocking back and forth.

* * *

Andy, Sherman and Socrates stared at the MTM as he emitted a dial tone.

"… I don't think she's going to tell him," Andy said at last.

"So now what do we do?" Sherman asked.

They heard the explosions outside getting louder, and they looked up just in time to see a particularly loud one blast away part of the building they were in. Bits of broken wood and dust rained down on them.

"Shall we pick up the pieces of our false hope?" Socrates suggested.

Andy scooped up Sherman while Socrates grabbed the MTM. They ran further into the building as it began to steadily collapse behind them, crashing in a powerful roar that was coming closer and closer. The whole room was plunged into darkness, leaving them to pray there were no obstacles to prevent them from still running.

They spied the exit on the other side growing larger as it got nearer. It was but a single point of light, but it grew as they came closer. The roar of the collapsing building rang in their ears as they put as much strength as they had into their sprints.

Finally, the exit was near enough they could finish running through it. They continued running out into the wide open red plains of Zok, and soon, they were far away enough that the building finished collapsing without posing a threat to them.

They hunched over, trying to get air back into their lungs.

"Phew!" Socrates said. "Safe and sound!"

"In the middle of a war zone," Andy deadpanned.

There was a flurry of clicks behind them, and they all turned to see several Zokian guards pointing heavy-duty lasers at them.

"… Looks like the royal guard have descended," Sherman remarked.

"Let's hope they're trained to hold still like the ones on Earth," Andy whispered.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _Whoops! Meant to upload this on Tuesday! Better late than never, I suppose. Thanks for your reviews so far! Keep leaving them! They inspire us to keep ficcing!_


	7. Herding Humans

The door of the convenience store slowly creaked open and produced a ding from the bell attached to it, as Calvin stuck his head inside and peered around. The interior was not well lit, but the boy could make out the shelves lining the store and the single check stand, which was currently vacant. No one appeared to be around, so he opened the door a bit wider and motioned for Hobbes to follow him inside.

He and Hobbes entered, with the tiger sporting a slight limp and a look of annoyance.

"You can stop faking the limp now, Hobbes, I know you're not hurt," Calvin grumbled.

"Well, maybe if _someone_ actually decided it was time to jump out of the truck _before_ the light turned green…," Hobbes mumbled.

"Oh quit whining, we were going, like, fifteen miles per hour. The driver must have been from Montana."

The two briefly examined their surroundings before they heard the sound of a door opening, and a young service clerk stepped out of a back room. The clerk appeared to be no older than sixteen, wearing glasses. He had thick curly brown hair that partially covered his eyes and an apparent acne problem.

"Hey, what's up?" he grunted, clearly not caring for the answer as he trudged over to the check stand.

"Running away from a mentally ill and possibly murderous kidnapper," Calvin replied. "You?"

"Working."

"Wow, you might actually have me beat there."

The clerk didn't reply as he began staring with a deadpan expression at the screen on his till.

Calvin and Hobbes eyed him for a moment.

"I feel like there's a joke to be said about the effects of customer service on a man, but we don't have the time," Hobbes whispered.

"Agreed," Calvin nodded. "Hey kid, you have any kind of news outlet we can get to?"

The clerk stared at him. "Why are you calling me 'kid'? I'm older than you!"

"Mea culpa, mea culpa. But seriously, do you know what's been going on?"

The clerk continued staring at him. "Erm... It's been pretty slow today. I've just been facing in the aisle down…"

"Do you actually not know what's happening right now?" Calvin interrupted.

"Am I being filmed right now? Is this some kind of sting?"

Calvin sighed, as he looked around absently, before his eyes fell onto a small TV hanging from the wall across the room. He motioned towards it. "That TV have cable?"

"Yeah, but we're not supposed to watch anything on it unless it's set on the news or sports or..."

"Awesome! Set it to the news!"

The clerk sighed, and picked up the nearby remote, flicking the TV on.

There was a brief pause as Calvin, Hobbes and the clerk all stared at the blank TV as it slowly came to life, before a familiar pair of faces popped up on the screen, and Calvin's worst fear was immediately confirmed.

"… with our new leaders currently in plans to address you all shortly," Calvin's father was reading off of a rather advanced looking tablet in his hands. "We, the guardians of the…" His brow furrowed as he glared in confusion at the text before him. "… _Earth_ _Potentate_ … will brief the entirety of the human race of the upcoming week's events."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged concerned glances.

Mom, also holding a tablet, spoke up albeit in a more shaking voice. "For the next several hours, every living human will be catalogued and tagged. This process will take a little under twelve hours and will be done via nanotechnology already being released on certain parts of the planet. Your undying loyalty to the king of Zok, Rupert Chill must be confirmed, or you will be executed on the spot."

Dad picked up from there. "We urge the human race to not panic, as our new rulers will be doing nothing but improving the human condition from here on out. Technology will advance by several hundred years and disease will be all but wiped out."

"Also, live bingo tournaments will be held at former… political… offices…," Mom continued, her voice slowing down and raising slightly as she read in confusion.

Dad leaned over to see if that's what it actually said.

"… Please contact Biff The Alien for more details…," she finished.

There was a silence.

"Anyway..." Dad cleared his throat to continue. "King Chill will be making his appearance to the public upon the..."

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE SOME SLAVE TO YOU FREAKS!" came the sudden scream of an interrupting voice behind them, followed by subsequent gunshots

Mom and Dad's heads whipped around, and the camera barely caught the outline of a man with a shotgun, firing randomly at the sky and screaming obscenities.

Mom and Dad covered their heads and ran, joining the mass of other screaming people as the camera fell to the concrete, as the cameraman apparently ran off as well.

A shot of running feet lingered on the screen for a moment, before it cut to a test pattern.

Calvin, Hobbes and the clerk all stared at the screen for a moment. The clerk's expression was visibly more shaken than Calvin and Hobbes'.

"Okay, seriously, what have I missed since this morning?!" the clerk said, looking to the six year old boy for some kind of answers.

"A world event," Calvin said, casually. "But you know, what else is new?"

The clerk stared back and forth between Calvin and Hobbes and the TV, before he darted out the store and towards his car.

The duo watched him go. "Why do we even reply to these people?" Calvin sighed. "It's not like they ever help."

"And you see that's why they _don't_ have a list of arch enemies like we do," Hobbes replied.

"Right? Though I'll admit it's a bit more of a chore to deal with than I thought it would be back in the day."

Calvin walked over to the window of the convenience store and stared out rubbing his chin as he watched several cars driving by.

"It's weird though. The world isn't completely grinding to a stop like I always thought it would when this happened. If it weren't for the news spot, it would be as if nothing happened."

"Well I mean, the people around us don't exactly emanate intelligence." Hobbes suggested. "Maybe they just don't care."

Calvin's eye fell on a newspaper rack at the corner of the check stand, and strolled over to it.

"Hobbes, look! It's the newspaper my dad reads!" he pointed out, picking a newspaper up and studying it.

"So?" Hobbes asked, raising an eyebrow.

"So we're not that far away from home!" Calvin said, looking around. "This is a local newspaper. I think we're just on the outskirts of town."

"But how does that work?" Hobbes asked, rubbing his chin. "We drove for hours."

"I dunno, Maybe he drove us around in circles or something." Calvin shrugged. "The point is, we need to get back home and get Andy, Sherman and the MTM so we can stop Rupert!"

"What about Socrates?" Hobbes asked.

"Sure, we can use him as sacrifice. Maybe Rupert will leave us alone for a while after that," Calvin said, waving the tiger off.

Hobbes gave him a blank glare.

"What? You have to admit, we haven't tried it, yet."

Suddenly, the sound of car wheels on hard gravel began reaching the duo's ears. They froze and Calvin's head twitched towards the window where he saw the car of the kidnapper, slowly pulling up to the convenience store.

In that same instant, Hobbes grabbed Calvin and darted away with him, as they made their way to the back of the store.

"We have to figure our way out of _this_ situation first," Hobbes muttered, as he and Calvin ran into the employees section of the store in search of a back door.

* * *

Speaking of Calvin's neighborhood, the alien groups were still milling about, carrying ray guns and cheerfully getting to know the locals, who were always turning and running away from them in terror. The only ones still with them were Calvin's parents, who were shackled and walking alongside them, feeling completely lost.

"Wow, the people of Earth sure are _jumpy_!" Lenny remarked, watching them flee. "You'd think they'd never met a being from another planet before!"

"Yeah, it's weird," agreed Biff. "I wonder what the deal is. None of the other planets we conquered were like this… Were they?"

The others all contemplated that question for a moment.

"Well, the mud people from Bandragenous V were a tad startled when we used the mind control ray on them…," said Dave.

"Oh yeah… Oh! And the amphibious beings of Offgwhar were a surprised when we demolished their capitol building in a show of brute force," added Alex.

"And I think we're all still trying to forget the time we offed the Council of Harmony from Shtupfer XI," Erne said disdainfully.

They all nodded in remembrance.

The screams of the people around them continued to grow louder as they ran from them down the street.

Lenny cleared his throat. "Do you guys ever get the feeling what we're doing isn't very nice?"

The others all looked at him in surprise, as if the very idea had never once crossed their minds. Odds are, it hadn't, but it was still a startling notion to think about all the same.

Their thoughts were sadly interrupted by a bright light just ahead of them.

The huge mob of people had just run smack into the side of a force field, which had illuminated in a flash of blue energy pulses, revealing its existence. They were beginning to panic and scratch at the wall, but it was no good. They couldn't escape. They were well and truly trapped.

"Oh, look!" Zack said cheerfully. "They ran into the force field!"

They all watched the chaos for a moment before Erne realized something.

"… When did we put a force field up?" he asked.

They looked at each other, searching for an answer, but none of them knew.

"Did Earl mention putting one up?" Bill asked, looking more confused than usual.

"… Don't think so," Zack said. He pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper that had a list of instructions typed on it. "… Hmmmm… Park ship… Enslave town… Capture potentate's guardians… Nope! Nowhere does it say 'set up force field'."

Calvin's parents stared at them in growing disbelief.

"You mean… you don't know what's going on…?" Dad asked slowly. "This is _your invasion_ , and you _don't know what's happening_?!"

Lenny shrugged. "We're just the crew. Rupert and Earl make all the decisions… Although, they usually tell us first."

Then, they all heard a whooshing sound from behind them, and they were surprised to see Rupert and Earl themselves materialize, both holding enormous guns.

"Speak of the devil!" Dave exclaimed. "Rupert! Earl! We did everything you told us to!"

"Glad to hear it," Rupert grunted, slithering towards them.

Mom and Dad backed away nervously. These two aliens looked much more vicious than the overall silly aliens they'd been dealing with all day. The one called Rupert seemed to be on the verge of ripping someone's head off.

The massive alien peered down at them. "So… you're the ones tasked with the Earth Potentate's well-being…," he murmured, narrowing his compound eyes. "The producers of a ruler… Not really what I expected… but then, this miserable little planet is just _full_ of surprises."

Earl slithered up as well. "Your Highness, I think it's time we got to work."

"Work on what, exactly?" Biff asked. "I mean, we finished the tasks. What are we supposed to do now?"

"And what's the force field for?" Carl added, pointing to the wall that the humans were still trying to break through.

"To keep them in," Rupert said flatly.

"In, sir?"

"It encapsulates the entire town. We've simply arrived at the edge of it," Earl explained.

"I see…," said Lenny slowly, trying very hard to figure this out. "But… this is just _one_ town on the whole planet. Why do we need to get _this_ group together?"

Rupert loaded his laser. "We need to show the people of this planet that we mean business. They must either accept our ruling or face what these pitiful humans are about to face."

"What's that?"

"Total and utter annihilation."

The two laser guns began to hum with power as they sprang into life. Rupert and Earl levelled them at the panicking group of humans that were gathered at the edge of town, desperately trying to claw their way out. Some saw what was happening and fled down the sides, but the bulk of them still tried futilely to escape straight ahead.

"Mob hysteria," Earl tutted. "Sad, really."

"No!" Mom yelled, trying to get free of her shackles. "You can't! Please!"

Rupert ignored her. "Come on, crew," he ordered. "Draw your weapons."

The Zokian crew could only stare in shock for a moment. They were definitely dumb and almost always missed the bloody obvious, but even they were fully aware of what was about to happen.

"… Wait…," Biff said slowly. "We're going to _kill_ all of them?!"

" _Yes_ …," Rupert growled through his gritted fangs.

"But… but…"

"But that's not how we usually do things!" Zack objected nervously. "We usually just come in, topple the government from within and intimidate them!"

"Well, we're doing things _differently_ now," Rupert hissed, not aware that his left eye was twitching.

"You can't do this! They're innocent people!" Dad protested fiercely. "You're already ruling the world! You don't have to kill anyone!"

Rupert whipped a glare on him that almost made the man shrivel back, but he stood his ground. Without breaking the glare, he told the others, "Load. Your. Weapons."

The aliens looked between themselves, waiting to see who would be the first to do it. None of them were budging.

At last, their leader turned to look at them. "Do we need to get out the shock collars again?" he asked ominously.

Nervously, each member of the alien crew pulled out their ray guns and loaded them, all looking at each other uncertainly. They looked to Earl, but their captain's expression was unreadable. If he had any opinions on this plan, he wasn't sharing them.

Plagued with doubt, they aimed at the crowd of people.

Lenny whispered to Biff. "I'm almost convinced this _isn't_ very nice."

Mom and Dad started shouting frantic warnings to the people, and although a few noticed what was happening and heeded their warnings, running out of firing range, the main bulk were too utterly terrified to think straight and continued to crawl over each other in their mad panic to somehow break through the unbreakable force field.

Rupert aimed his ray gun, waited for just the right moment and yelled, "FIRE!"

A huge volley of angry red lasers blasted down the road, from the tips of the guns towards the people. It was enough to roast all the people within range to a crisp, leaving only the smoldering corpses behind in its wake.

So imagine everyone's surprise when that's not what happened.

Instead of killing the people, the lasers were absorbed by a second force field, this one giving off a yellow energy pulse. It was like another wall, protecting the people, who all screamed in fear before realizing they were okay.

The aliens lowered their guns in bemused silence.

"… Well, that was odd," remarked Bill.

Rupert let out a growl. "FIRE AGAIN!" he bellowed.

The aliens all fired again, mostly out of curiosity this time. Sure enough, the yellow force field lit up as it absorbed their laser fire.

"FIRE _AGAIN!_ " Rupert shouted desperately.

This time, he was the only one who fired. Same results.

He fired several times, but it just kept happening, to the point that the mob started to calm down and just watch in amazement.

Finally, Earl put a tentacle on what was essentially Rupert's shoulder and tried to stop him. "Sir? Highness? You need to… Sir? It's not… Rupert! It's not working!" he shouted over the noise.

Rupert finally threw his gun down on the ground in fury. "Of _course_ it's not working! Anybody can see that!"

"Could've fooled me…"

"Because _of course_ it's not working! That's what _always_ happens! No matter what we do, we just can't _win_! Who's responsible for this? Where did that force field come from? _Who has dared to get in my way_?!"

His answer came in the form of the road between him and people erupting in a shower of broken bits of concrete. Everyone jumped back and shielded themselves as a massive swirling metal drill emerged, attached to a large vehicle. It came out onto solid ground atop its caterpillar treads and came to a halt, hissing steam from its hydraulics.

Then, the noise died down as quickly as it started.

The door suddenly burst open, and out stepped a face familiar to the aliens.

"Fear me, extra-terrestrials!" he bellowed. " _I_ am Dr Franklin J Brainstorm, and I have arrived to kick some alien booty!"

Rupert glared and leveled his gun. "You _again_?!" he complained.

"Indeed! And I come with a plethora of my own weapons and gadgets! Isn't that right, Jack?"

There was a long pause before he glanced over his shoulder at the open door on the drill.

"Jack – get _out_ here!" he shouted angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," the robot's voice called back from within. "Having some trouble getting the weapons together. Seems you left the Decimator turned on, and now the battery's dead."

"Oh, for _crying out loud_!" Dr Brainstorm yelled before regaining his composure. "It's all right. It's okay. We still have a few other weapons we can use. Just one more reason to switch to solar power next month…"

"What the heck are _you_ doing here?!" Rupert screeched.

"Hmmm? Ah yes! You thought you could invade this island Earth and get away with it? Especially when my arch-enemy lives right in the very neighborhood you're focusing all your attention on? Not a chance! We're here to defeat you and send you back to whatever planet you come from! Nobody takes over this planet but _me_!"

Mom leaned over and whispered in Dad's ear. "Aren't they the guys who kidnapped Calvin in Oregon?"

"Yeah, the name 'Brainstorm' rings a bell… What the heck does this lunatic think he's going to do?"

"Now then, aliens!" Dr Brainstorm bellowed, pulling out his favored weapon. "Hightail it back to the cosmos or taste the wrath of my Servant Ray!"

Rupert loaded his gun. "Take aim," he ordered his crew.

"Anything to shut him up," Earl grunted, following in suit.

"Servant Ray – _do not_ disable the alien weapons!"

There was a blast of electricity that that erupted from the Servant Ray and split across the various guns the aliens were holding. They all broke apart and scattered on the ground in little bitty smoldering pieces.

The aliens looked at their destroyed weapons in astonishment before looking back at Dr Brainstorm and Jack, who were glaring back at them with angry expressions as the Servant Ray continued to crackle with energy.

Rupert gnashed his teeth and looked like he was going to slither over take them on with his own bare tentacles, but Earl stopped him.

"Sir, it might behoove us to re-arm ourselves before we do anything drastic," he said, eyeing the Servant Ray warily.

Rupert gave him a disemboweling glare, but he had to concede that if the Servant Ray could do _that_ , it might be best to load up before doing anything drastic.

"Activate teleporter," he said.

"On it!" Biff replied, looking at a wristwatch-like device on his tentacle. "Back to the ship!"

There was a flash of light, and the entire alien crew disappeared, transported back to the massive spaceship that still hovered above the town.

As soon as they were gone, Jack wandered over towards Mom and Dad and held up his finger. It glowed a white-blue, made an electronic whirring noise, and the shackles broke apart and clattered on the road.

"Okay," he announced. "We have to stay here and kick some alien booty like the man said, so it might be a good career move to vamoose before they come back."

Mom and Dad stared at him.

Jack continued. "Well, come on. Run. Head for the hills. Cheese it. Exit, stage left. Make tracks. Am-scray. Etcetera. Comprende?"

Dad finally found his voice. "… You're… a… robot…"

Jack sighed. "Yes, I am. Gosh, you're smart. Now _run away_."

What he was saying finally registered with them, and Mom and Dad turned and ran back towards their street.

Satisfied, Jack rejoined his master in the middle of the street. By now, most of the crowd had gone, finally accepting that they were trapped in the neighborhood and had to flee.

"You ready to face the music, Frank?"

"I believe so. We've got plenty of ammunition to hold out for a while."

"Whereas _they_ have loads of advanced alien weaponry other than those cute little guns we just destroyed, plus now they're ticked off at us."

"I said 'a while'… Any luck with the force field around the town?"

"None. They're _under the dome_ , so to speak."

"Well, hopefully 'a while' won't mean 'stretched out for three seasons for no reason'…"

They both looked to the sky in anticipation, knowing they didn't have long.

"Oh, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"IT'S _DR BRAINSTORM!_ "


	8. Revolting Revelations

" _The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree," Chill whispered to himself, quietly._

 _He was leaning against a massive boulder as cover as the unending sounds of assault rifles and grenades roared in the background. He was clutching his own service rifle against his chest, and was covered in mud. He was cold and wet from trudging through knee deep water in a river to get to the vantage point he currently owned. He had all but lost feeling in his toes, and any kind of direction on where Nick or his brother had gone to through all the chaos. The sounds of people screaming and dying sounded from all around him from both sides, as he struggled to regain his resolve._

" _May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country…," he continued, closing his eyes as he heard another barrage of bullets fly over the top of his head._

 _He took a deep breath as he heard the sounds of hurried footsteps approaching his location. In one swift movement, he shifted his body around the boulder, where he saw an enemy troop trudging towards him, shouting words he didn't understand. Upon making eye contact with the man, the enemy rose his own rifle and aimed it at Chill, his shouting growing ever louder._

 _BANG_

 _Chill froze, his gun still aimed forward as the man in front of him slouched to the ground and fell forward._

" _If our country is worth dying for in time of war let us resolve that it is truly worth living for in time of peace…," Chill whispered, as he lowered the gun and began moving himself forward._

 _He stepped over the body and surveyed his surroundings. Bullets were still being fired off, and he saw many of his comrades moving forward and firing at the enemy. This was good. They were moving up. They were pushing them back._

 _His spirits rising slightly, Chill trudged forward, stumbling slightly in the thick mud in front of him, as he approached a hill in front of him. Aiming his gun cautiously, he circled the base of the hill, watching for any signs of foreign military, before he noticed something off in the tall grass before him._

 _It wasn't long before he saw that it was the body of another American soldier he didn't immediately recognize. Still watching his surroundings, he glanced down at the corpse and noticed it was someone called Jim from his squad. He had never spoken with him directly before, but he immediately felt a tinge of emotion at the sight._

 _Choking it down, he shook his head and stepped over the body and continued forward._

" _Yet America is a poem in our eyes; its ample geography dazzles the imagination, and it will not wait long for meters."_

 _Several more bodies began coming into view as he moved forward. Some of them were Iraqi soldiers, some were American. He tried not to look down at them as he continued forward, muttering his proverbs to himself and preparing himself for another encounter._

 _However, just as it looked like he had passed over the graves, something caught his eye. It was a tiny glint of something devastatingly familiar. Chill looked down to see another body thrown haphazardly over another corpse. The face was covered by a gas mask with a very distinct bullet hole through the forehead, but what Chill noticed was the pendant that around the neck._

 _In that instant the sounds of bullets all stopped for Chill. He stared at the body for a long moment with an expression of dead emotion. He crouched down, and moved his hand towards the gas mask, gently tugging at it._

 _Unable to properly remove the mask, Chill was forced to drop his M16, where it splashed into the mud beneath him as he used both hands to remove it. He had to know what was on the other side._

 _His worst fears were confirmed when he saw the lifeless eyes of Nick staring past him. A flood of feelings exploded into Chill's mind as he stared down at his fallen friend. It was that moment that the man questioned everything he had ever believed._

" _Nick," he deadpanned, continuing to stare down at the body in silent shock. His eyes moved up towards the bloody spot on his face where the cause of death was very obvious to be seen. There was no time for reaction. There was no time for any final words. There was no time for any kind of justice. He had been alive in one second and dead the very next. Meaningless retribution against a family man with no sins. He didn't deserve that._

 _Chill stared into Nick's lifeless eyes for what seemed like minutes. All the while, new questions were popping up in his head. What was the point of his death? Did his death affect America in any positive way at all? Was there even a point to himself being there? Why were they here? Why had they sent him and his friend to die?_

 _Suddenly, the sound of a bullet whizzing pass Chill's face snapped him back to reality, and he immediately dropped to the ground, as he heard more foreign screams and orders. Over the commotion, he heard the very faint sound of another voice. This one was in English, and was distinctly shouting the same thing over and over again. The words "fall back" rang out through Chill's head for a moment, as he looked through the tall grass in search of who had shot at him._

 _Weighing his options for a moment, he cast another glance at Nick, before he reached forward and grabbed the pendant off of his neck, pocketing it. He then began frantically searching Nick's pockets, before he found a wrinkled and slightly soaked folded up paper. Examining it for a moment and finding it was the paper he was looking for, he pocketed it, and crawled through the grass away from the carnage until he came to a group of trees where he stood up._

 _Panting and trying in vain to wipe the mud from his face, he threw another glance in the direction of his friend, who's image, although was no longer in sight, still bore deeply into Chill's mind as he raced for what decision he was going to make now. As he heard the sounds of footsteps approaching from the hill, he finally made his choice._

 _He ran._

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were still eluding their kidnapper. The car had followed them along the roads, so they'd resorted to cutting across yards and through buildings, trying to lose him at some point, but somehow, no matter where they went, the car never left them.

By now, they were out of breath, gasping and wheezing as they ran for their lives.

"How the heck are we going to stay ahead of him?!" Hobbes cried.

"I don't know!" Calvin replied. "I really wish Dad had taught us how to carjack! It'd make this a lot easier!"

As they ran further into town, however, they finally saw it. The enormous mothership that floated over their neighborhood. Using it like the star over Bethlehem, they were able to find their way back towards their neighborhood. Already, they could hear some sort of commotion. They were just coming around a corner when they saw people pounding against a pulsating blue wall, trying to get out.

"Looks like they've cordoned off our neighborhood," Hobbes said.

"Dad always said I'd cause this one day," Calvin muttered. "Come on. Maybe there's a way in…"

"Such as?"

Calvin looked around, scratching his head thoughtfully. Then he remembered that these were creatures from Zok he was dealing with, so he experimentally touched the force field. Upon finding it wasn't electrified or anything, he slipped his fingers under the bottom and lifted it up. Much to his non-surprise, that section rose like a bedsheet. He beckoned Hobbes over, and they both slipped underneath.

"Well, that was a gyp," Hobbes remarked.

Going unseen by the panicked people, they wandered down the streets, stunned by all the destruction that had been caused in the hysteria. All the houses were still standing, but there'd been considerable damage to many of them, from broken windows to roofs ripped off. There were massive holes in the road from laser fire, there was mailboxes with bullet holes in them, and cars had been left deserted in the street.

"We've gone from the suburbs to the boonies in less than a day!" Calvin complained. "I hope those rotten aliens are satisfied!"

The sound of laser fire was getting louder. As they zeroed in on their particular neighborhood, they could hear shouting going on. They turned the corner towards the street that their house was on and spotted a rather large battle going on.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack were firing laser guns at the aliens, with Rupert and Earl at the front while the rest of the crew tried to fight as well, but they were clearly not doing very well as they kept accidentally shooting the scenery instead of the targets.

"… Of all the things to come home to," Hobbes murmured.

They shrugged and made tracks for the battle, hoping to get some answers without getting blown up. As they passed Susie's house, however, they heard a noise that sounded like a front door being opened very quietly. They turned to look and saw Susie herself was beckoning from her doorway, looking very terrified.

"I think she wants something," Calvin whispered.

"A hug, by the looks of it," Hobbes suggested.

"Yeah, well, she'll be lucky if she gets a handshake. I'll go see what she wants. You go find out from Jack what's going on."

"Jack?"

"Yeah, he doesn't look all that busy at the moment."

Hobbes saw that the robot was indeed leaning against a bullet-ridden stop sign, reading a magazine while occasionally firing perfect shots at the aliens. Shrugging, he nodded and headed in that direction.

Calvin hurried across the street to Susie's house and joined her inside.

"What about your tiger?" she asked.

"Don't worry. Hobbes can look after himself. What're you doing here? Where're your parents?"

"My dad went to look for supplies. My mom's upstairs, trying to find something to defend us with. Where have you been?! Your parents said you'd been kidnapped!"

"Was, and technically still am. He's out there somewhere, looking for us, so I probably shouldn't stay long. What about my parents? I saw them on TV."

"Last I saw, the crazy guy and the robot let them go before they started fighting the aliens."

"Good, good… How about Andy, Sherman and Socrates? Have you seen _them_?"

Susie blinked. "Andy called here a few hours ago…"

"What'd he say?"

"Something… something stupid. It was nothing."

"Well, what was it?!" Calvin insisted.

Susie hugged herself, trying to hold her grip on reality together. "He said… that they were trapped on an alien planet."

Calvin's eyes widened. "Oh no…," he whispered.

* * *

Hobbes managed to keep hidden in the bushes as he made his way over towards Jack. The robot had budged from his spot, continuing to fire casually over his shoulder every few seconds. His gun was set to 'non-lethal', so none of the aliens were actually harmed by his blasts. They seemed to be getting used to it.

"Psst!" Hobbes hissed.

Jack glanced up from his magazine. "Oh! Hey, Hobbes," he said pleasantly. "Was wondering when you guys were going to turn up."

"Yeah, it's been a long couple of days," Hobbes replied. "What's going on exactly?"

"Well, Frank and I are busy fighting the alien hordes before they take over the world. Seems they're only set on taking over this neighborhood in particular. Haven't figured out why, yet…"

"Yeah, we noticed the world wasn't exactly freaking out about this."

"We only found out because Frank monitors this neighborhood to see if you guys are up to anything. Might be info you'll have to get from Rupert himself. Anyway, we're trying to keep the aliens at bay before they can move onto the rest of the world."

"Much appreciated. We'll try not to take too long."

"Don't worry. Frank's having the time of his life right now."

They looked over at Dr Brainstorm, who was laughing maniacally and firing shots from his Servant Ray in funny poses. It was utterly ridiculous, and yet, it was totally working. Rupert and Earl couldn't nail a shot, and yet he was striking them every so often.

"He's weirdly in his element," Hobbes commented.

Then he glanced over his shoulder and saw Calvin beckoning him from Susie's front step.

"Gotta go. I'll check back in later."

"Roger Ramjet," Jack replied, taking another random shot as he returned to his magazine.

* * *

Hobbes soon rejoined Calvin and informed him of what was happening, and Calvin did the same for him.

"So our friends are trapped on the planet Zok?" Hobbes asked.

"And I'm willing to bet Rupert had something to do with the MTM malfunctioning, or else they'd have come back by now," Calvin said ruefully. "We need to rescue them somehow."

"How? We don't even know where Zok is or how to get there!"

"True… Maybe we can get up to Rupert's ship and find out… Heck, maybe we can steal the ship! We'll strand them on Earth, and then Brainstorm and Jack can deplete their weapons until they're defenseless!"

"You can barely steer the wagon, let alone a gigantic space battle cruiser!"

"Well, what the heck else are we supposed to do? We're kind of low on options here!"

" _You!_ "

They both turned in surprise at the voice, and their mouths fell open in shock when they saw who it was.

It was the kidnapper. He was soaking wet, his clothes were stained, and he smelled awful. He was glaring furiously at them.

"What the…?" Calvin gasped. "How did…? How the heck did you get here?!"

"You mean the weird wall thingy?" the kidnapper replied, stepping unsteadily towards them. "Just opened a manhole, climbed down through the sewers, and then came up through one on the inside."

"Ah… that explains the smell… I'm strictly anti-bath, but could you possibly shower before you start attacking us?"

The kidnapper let out a furious growl before lunging for them.

Calvin grabbed Hobbes and started running up the street. The kidnapper followed, reaching wildly for them.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Calvin yelled over his shoulder, "but we're currently in the midst of an _alien_ _invasion_! See that great big spaceship above us? The pitched battle between the lunatic and the slimy creatures with tentacles? See it? Not a good time to be so insistent on kidnapping me!"

The kidnapper didn't answer. He kept trying to nab the boy, but he was just a bit too fast for him. They were heading straight for the battle ahead.

Dr Brainstorm was still dancing and firing madly while Rupert and Earl attempted to fire back, hiding behind trees and mailboxes as they did so. They couldn't understand why they were having such a hard time blasting the mad scientist to bits.

Calvin and Hobbes found themselves having to run through the crossfire, dodging the blasts that went over their heads. The kidnapper didn't even seem all that aware of it as he followed them, seemingly dead set on finishing his kidnapping.

However, just as they were running past, Rupert stopped firing in shock. He emerged from his hiding place and bellowed in a furious voice.

" _What are_ you _doing here_?!"

Everything and everyone ground to a stop. Calvin and Hobbes stopped running. The kidnapper stopped chasing them. Dr Brainstorm stopped firing. Jack looked up from his magazine. Even the alien crew seemed to register that something was wrong.

Rupert looked absolutely livid. "What are you doing here?" he repeated, quieter but still clearly angry. "You're ruining _everything_!"

Calvin blinked. "Well… this _is my_ neighborhood you're blowing up. I would think that I would – "

"Not _you_ ," Rupert hissed. " _Him_."

It took a moment for Calvin to realize that Rupert was referring to the kidnapper.

"Wait a minute…," he said slowly. "Are… are you two _working_ together?!"

"Plot twist!" Lenny cried excitedly.

The kidnapper actually looked afraid of Rupert, as if noticing him for the first time. "I… I've never seen him before in my life!" he exclaimed. "I don't… I mean… What the heck is going on here?!"

"Battle over the future of the planet," Dr Brainstorm said irritably. "Try to keep up, bozo!"

Rupert snarled. "This human was _supposed_ to kidnap you and hold you hostage until I'd successfully taken control of the planet," he said. "Short, sweet and simple."

Calvin was very confused. "Wait… what?! Why go to all that trouble? Why didn't you just _shoot_ me?!"

" _Thank_ you!" Earl shouted sarcastically. "That's exactly what _I_ said!"

The kidnapper was _really_ confused now. "I… I kidnapped him for the ransom money…," he stammered.

"You kidnapped him because we brainwashed you to do it," Rupert replied flatly. "You were just supposed to keep him out of the way, and you couldn't even do _that_."

"That would explain why he's been so dead set on chasing us all over the place," Calvin mused. "But… why _this_ guy? What's so special about _him_?"

"You mean you don't recognize him?" Rupert asked, looking baffled. "I admit, it's a bit difficult to tell you humans apart, but…"

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, and then they looked at the kidnapper. They looked him up and down, trying to place where they had seen him before. The clothes weren't familiar. The pendant around his neck wasn't familiar. The eyes weren't familiar. Still, there was something…

Then, Hobbes tapped Calvin on the shoulder and indicated something else they hadn't seen before. Some dog tags were dangling from the kidnapper's pocket, and the first thing he thought of when he saw them was Camp Pine… so long ago now… they had belonged to…

Calvin mentally added a shorter haircut, a goatee and sunglasses to this guy's appearance. Add in the demented stare, and his mental picture showed him…

"Rupert Chill?" he gasped.

The kidnapper stared back at him, clearly stunned. "… No…," he said nervously. "I told you… My name is Nick."

"An alias. Obviously. You're the human Rupert Chill."

Chill blinked, confused. "Human, as opposed to what?"

"As opposed to _me_ ," Rupert replied, smirking smugly. "I am your namesake, Rupert Chill, ruler of the universe and future ruler of this puny little planet."

Dr Brainstorm threw a confused glance at Jack, who merely shrugged in response. "What the heck is going on?" he demanded.

"Long story short," Calvin said, "there was a once a collective of aliens named Chill who used a calculation to fling their names across the universe in some hare-brained overcomplicated scheme to let the universe know that they'd be ruling them one day. Beat them. Moving on, Rupert the alien defected from them, and this guy's the human who got saddled with his name."

"Indeed," Rupert said, slithering over towards the human Chill. "How… poetic, really. No matter what happens, Rupert Chill – man or me – will destroy you."

Chill, however, looked far too confused to comprehend all this. His head was really beginning to hurt, and he slumped over in a flurry of emotions.

"Hmmmm," Rupert said, observing him. "Well, since it's clearly not going to be him… Just can't get good help these days."

He loaded his gun and aimed it at Calvin and Hobbes, all set to blast them.

"Might as well just get it over with," he sighed.

Before anyone could do anything, there was a sudden blast not too far away from them that totally destroyed someone's lawn, making them all jump.

Then, they all heard the sound of a plane overhead, and they all looked up to see a rocket was coming in for a landing.

"What the heck is _that_?!" Earl shouted.

"That the heck is my crazy family!" Dr Brainstorm replied triumphantly.

"And they're packing heat," Jack added.

The rocket roared low over the neighborhood. They watched as it skirted the edge of the force field before the whole thing lit up in a cascade of electricity, finally disappearing completely.

"They shut the force field off!" Earl informed Rupert. "We need to get it back up again!"

"One of you!" Rupert shouted at the crew. "Get the force field back up!"

"Okay!" Lenny replied cheerfully before turning to the others. "Who was the one who got the force field working?"

"I _think_ it was me…," Erne said uncertainly as he raised a tentacle.

While this was going on, the rocket came in for a rather bumpy landing on the far end of the street, and it skidded down the entire three miles until it finally came to a halt not but twenty feet away from the group.

"SHEILA!" a familiar voice shouted. "WHERE THE HECK DID YOU LEARN HOW TO FLY?!"

"Cram it, mother!" Sheila replied. "I'm a way better pilot than _Frank_ is!"

"I heard that!" Dr Brainstorm replied angrily. "Knock it off, Sheila!"

The aliens watched all this in bemusement.

A moment later, the embarkation ramp descended and hit the ground, putting a large crack in the pavement, and out came Sheila Brainstorm, holding a large metallic laser gun. "We've arrived to save your sorry butt, brother!" she shouted.

"Only because I told you to!" he shouted back.

"Kids, come on now," Father Brainstorm said as he climbed down the ramp, carrying a similar gun. "We're trying to wipe an alien species from the face of the planet. This is no time for bickering."

"Sorry, Dad," they both muttered.

Jacqueline came jogging down as well, doing a somersault as she joined the group, and a few guns popped out of her arms that she aimed at the aliens. "Come on, family! Let's beat these aliens _together_!"

Sheila mimed gagging behind her.

"Well!" Biff said, looking them all over. "They seem like a nice family!"

Then they all heard very heavy footsteps stomping down the ramp. The entire rocket seemed to tilt a bit as out came the enormous figure of Mother Brainstorm, toting the biggest laser gun of all – so big, it balanced on her shoulder as she held it.

"What… is _that_?!" Earl shouted.

Father Brainstorm shot him a look. "That's the missus," he replied, putting an arm around his wife.

"C'mere, boys," Mother Brainstorm growled as she aimed the gun. "Mommy's got a little _treat_ in store for you."

The tip of the gun glowed bright red, crackling with electricity, and then the brightest laser bolt they'd ever seen sprayed out and zapped at some of the alien crew, sending them flying like bowling pins. They cried out in pain before dropping to the ground, startled.

"… Ow!" one of them said.

Rupert stared at the crazy family before him in stupefied silence before noticing something.

Calvin and Hobbes were gone.

His compound eyes looked around, and he was just in time to see them disappearing into their house. He was all set to chase after them when a blast fired by Jacqueline cut off his path, and he was forced to focus on her instead.

"Come, Brainstorm clan!" Dr Brainstorm bellowed. " _Attack_!"

The battle was soon flaring up again, much more intensely this time. The mad scientist family battled the aliens with everything they had.

During all this, Chill was backing away. With everything he had just learned and seen, he was not eager to stick around. Every instinct he had was telling him to run. Just run. Get away from here, and never look back. This was way too out of control. He just had to flee during the chaos and find a safe place to hide.

He heard the front door of Calvin's house slam shut. He stared at the door. Something in his mind would not let up. Some sort of overriding command would not let him abandon his mission. The boy needed to be captured. He needed to be kidnapped. Thanks to those dumb aliens, he had no choice but to continue chasing after this kid.

Chill ran towards the house.


	9. Colossal Creature

Calvin's house looked surprisingly untouched considering the state of the rest of the neighborhood. Everything was for the most part in place, and had it not been for the screams and gunshot occurring outside, one would assume everything was as it should be.

This detail was overlooked, however, as Calvin and Hobbes burst through their front door, and slammed it hard into the face of their ever perusing kidnapper.

Calvin quickly flipped the lock, as he and Hobbes leaned against the door. "Alright, Hobbes, we need a plan," he said, looking over to his friend. "Aliens have taken over the planet and we're under attack by a brainwashed guy who won't leave us alone."

"A double trouble scenario, if you will," Hobbes commented.

"Not how I would describe it, but we are totally using that for something, later. But anyway, _focus_! What we got?"

Suddenly, the doors and the surrounding walls shook with tremendous force, sending Calvin and Hobbes falling forward in shock as a no doubt very large man had begun shoulder charging the door.

"Let's make plans from our bedroom…," Hobbes suggested.

"Agreed. Let's go."

The duo quickly scrambled to their feet and raced up the stairs as Chill rammed himself against the door once again, now screaming for them to open it.

Calvin ripped his own door open, and held it ajar for Hobbes before he raced in himself, and slammed it behind him.

They immediately went to work, and began pushing the bed towards the door frame. It took several mighty heaves, and admittedly most of the grunt work was done by Hobbes, but after a few seconds, the door was successfully barricaded.

Calvin began scanning his room for something useful. "MTM! Are you in here?! Of course not, that's the one thing Andy and Sherman would probably grab!" he shouted, running around his room, upturning papers and toys, looking for something he could use.

"What about the transmogrifier gun?!" Hobbes asked, searching through as well, as they heard Chill shoulder charge the door once again, hearing the lock breaking this time.

"I had it in the hypercube, which I integrated with the MTM not too long ago," Calvin said.

"We really need to start using that more often!" Hobbes sighed. "I really think we're underestimating how many problems that would get us out of. What about the shrink ray?"

"The Mega Shrinker? Man, I lost that thing years ago," Calvin shrugged. "Was gonna remake it, but you know how needy MTM is with those firmware updates."

"Darn it... I dunno... The Realiphone?" Hobbes asked, desperately.

"The reali-what now?" Calvin said, raising an eyebrow.

At that moment, another significantly louder crash was heard and footsteps began advancing into the house, encouraging them to begin looking more frantically.

Calvin flung his closet door open and began rummaging through the clothes and comic books until…

"Hobbes!" he called, as he began pulling an all too familiar cardboard box out of the closet.

"I never thought I would be so happy to see that thing…," Hobbes sighed, rushing over to Calvin, as the footsteps began coming up the stairs.

The duo jumped into their respective spots in the box, and Calvin began pushing buttons and pulling levers.

The low humming of the engines began whirring, as the box began lifting off the ground, and Calvin aimed it towards his bedroom window.

With the push of a button, the window was flung open. The box roared to life as it jolted forward and outside, just as the banging had begun on the bedroom door.

As the box began soaring up above the neighborhood, Hobbes leaned over and observed the chaos below him. "Y'know, I'm not gonna lie – I'm not sure what we're going to do about this."

"Eh, we'll figure something out, like usual," Calvin shrugged. "In the end, I'm sure no one will actually notice, like normal."

"I dunno, I think we're kind of past the point of people noticing."

"This may be true, but we all know good and well no one is gonna notice _me_ being the one saving everyone."

"Oh, _only_ you?"

"Yeah, yeah… You, Andy and Sherman helped too, I suppose."

Hobbes sighed.

"First things first, we have to go _get_ them, which means we're going on a little bit of a space voyage, ol' buddy."

"Yeah but we still have that force field to deal with," Hobbes pointed out. "And going under it may not be the best idea again, now that battle has erupted further below us."

Calvin tapped his chin in thought as he considered this. "Hm... That is something to think about. However, I think we may have already come up with a solution to that."

"How so?"

"I haven't been steering since we left my house."

There was a pause as Hobbes looked down at the box. It was glowing a very light green, and they were definitely ascending without any use of Calvin's steering. He groaned disparagingly.

There was a flash of electronic light, and the box vanished from the enclosure.

Slowly the two opened their eyes and examined their surroundings. They were no longer in the box, but instead sitting in the middle of a control room. A control room they had been in quite a few times before. Standing a few feet away from them was the unmistakable silhouette of a Zokian staring out of a window down onto the battle before him. For a while, none of them moved, before finally, the Zokian spoke.

"Did either of you know what I used to do before I became a captain?"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"… Pizza delivery?" Hobbes suggested.

"I was a factory worker," the alien turned, and faced the two, slowly slithering towards them. "We produced fuel and energy. It was one of the most tedious jobs you can imagine having. I hated every second of it."

Calvin and Hobbes continued staring at Earl blankly, waiting for him to continue.

"Okay…," Calvin said, finally. "Any reason for the oddly-out-of-place-Earl-backstory here?"

"We ended up having a nuclear meltdown on my last day," Earl said. "It was all because some idiot in my sector didn't make the right calculations on something. He rushed through it." The alien sighed and looked out over the war below him again. "A lot of people were lost. Today is reminding me a lot of that day. Our plan is all but falling apart, and yet we are muddling forward. But I will admit, this is sadly the farthest we have gotten."

He stopped and stared down at Calvin for a long moment.

"I know you're not the Earth Potentate," he said finally. "I haven't thought it in years. But you're the only one who seems to be actually capable of stopping us. Plus our king has quite the vendetta against you."

"I'm honestly amazed it's taken you this long to read a single history book," Calvin said. "I mean, I'm not a fan either, but jeeze..."

"You based your entire invasion around the words of two aliens that obviously knew nothing about this planet," Hobbes added.

"Yeah well, it's not like we had a halfway competent research team," Earl sighed. "Before you, everyone was convinced we were going to have to fight Batman before we could take over the planet. Do you have any idea how much time we spent preparing for that?"

"I legitimately feel bad for you, Earl," Calvin said. "I, of all people, know what it's like to be surrounded by idiots. But I'm just saying, you still aren't winning this one."

"Oh but we are," Earl said, in an almost dead tone of voice. "I've spoken with some people in the UN. We're making some arrangements in the next few hours. I just have to make sure you aren't able to do anything."

Calvin glared at him. "So what are you going to do?"

Earl stared at him with a blank expression. "I could kill you right now. I could pretty much assure that we would win right this minute."

Calvin's eyes narrowed. "But you would have done that already if you were going to."

Earl's expression didn't break, but Calvin and Hobbes both felt an immense desire for violence from him in that moment.

"Yeah…," he said, begrudgingly. "That would be going against the orders of my king. You will be transferred to a holding cell until further instruction."

"Ya know Earl, there's just one thing I want you to know before you give the command for them to contain me." Calvin said.

"And what might that be?" Earl asked, reaching for a mic on his uniform.

"You've let me into this control room too many times. I know what all the buttons do."

Before Earl could react to this, Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out a tennis ball. With as much strength as he could muster, he tossed the ball at the control panel and struck a big red button.

 _ESCAPE POD BOARDING SEQUENCE INITIATED_

The section of floor underneath Calvin and Hobbes suddenly opened up, and the two fell out of sight.

Earl cursed and made a dive for the duo, attempting to grab hold of one of them, as the floor closed up once again.

As their momentum finally stopped, and Hobbes felt cushion underneath his person, he dared to open his eyes to see where they had ended up this time. He saw Calvin happily plucking away at some controls at a small life pod.

"Hyper drive is pretty trash, to be honest," he sighed. "It's gonna be a hot second before we actually get to Zok, it's looking like."

"How did you know that was the button that did that?" Hobbes asked. "We've never used the escape pods on this ship!"

"The button was marked, 'Escape Pod'," Calvin said, blankly.

"Oh… That's… awfully convenient."

"Plot protection is a powerful thing, my friend."

Earl watched in growing frustration and anger at the screen informing him of the departure of one of their escape pods. He grabbed his mic and began yelling into it. "Lenny! Erne! Activate the thrusters! Begin pursuit of Life Pod 115, immediately!"

"HOLD POSITION!" Rupert's thundering voice roared from the mic. "EARL! What are you doing in there?!"

"It's the boy!" Earl growled. "He just boarded an escape pod and took off in it! I think he's heading for Zok! We have to stop him before..."

"I am _not_ losing resources because of your incompetence!" Rupert screamed. "The mad scientist is not relenting, and I need everything here I can get! You are keeping the ship here!"

"But the Earth Potentate is going to…"

"THAT IS AN ORDER!"

Earl glared angrily into the screen, showing the escape pod had broken Earth's atmosphere, and was leaving the mother ship's scannable range. There was no catching up to him at this point.

"Understood, your highness," he growled, switching the coms off.

* * *

"Can you see anything?" Socrates hissed.

Sherman squinted through the crack in the wood. "We're headed into a large building of some sort," he reported. "Dimly lit… A few aliens slithering around…"

"Should we be calling them 'aliens'?" Andy asked. "We're on their home turf now. Shouldn't we call them by their species name at least?"

"Do we know what that actually is?" Socrates asked.

"Zokians?"

"Well, they're _from_ Zok, but that doesn't mean they're _called_ Zokians. I mean, we're from Earth, but we're not called 'Earthians' or 'Earthanoids' or whatever."

"I think you mean 'Earthlings'," MTM suggested.

"… Oh… Huh. How'd I forget about that one?"

"Hey, guys?" Sherman asked.

"Yes?"

"… What the heck are you guys talking about?"

"Well, we're locked in a wooden box being carted around on an alien planet," Andy said with a shrug. "Gotta kill the time somehow."

"Anything else out there we should know about?" Socrates asked.

Sherman peered through the crack again. "Looks like we're coming towards a long hallway… It's slanted upwards. Someone's coming."

They felt the crate slow to a halt, and then the sound of voices outside. They couldn't hear much, but after a moment, the lid was ripped off the crate, and they peered up, blinking at the light before they managed to see the two aliens standing over them, one of whom was holding their lid in his tentacles.

"Yikes…," said the first one. "Not too attractive, are they?"

"Yep," said the other. "Are they all human?"

"Just the clothed one. The tall one's a feline, and the other's a rat."

"Hamster!" Sherman snapped.

"Seems a shame, really…," the first one continued. "Don't even seem that old."

The second one shrugged. "I know what you mean. Still, there's not a heck of a lot we can do about it. It's what the people want."

"No, it's what the _rich_ people want. The _normal_ people want us to stop. All those protestors outside…"

"Yeah, I know… Since the King's gone AWOL, they're actually starting to get through."

"Glad to hear it. Unemployment is preferable to this… Come on. Before those rich jerks get antsy and break out the cattle prods…"

The aliens slithered away, leaving our heroes in the crate.

Andy poked his head out. "I didn't like the sound of that," he said quietly.

"Me neither," Socrates agreed. "Although, I'm a little confused how we heard it at all, considering they're aliens from another planet."

"That was me," MTM replied. "Managed to get my universal translator up and running. Last time we were on Rupert and Earl's ship, I downloaded a dictionary to my lexicon. You'd be amazed what their word for 'raspberry' is…"

"Save it for the flight home," Sherman said, scrambling onto Andy's shoulder. "In case you haven't noticed, and clearly you haven't, we've been left _unattended_."

Andy and Socrates peered around the outside of the crate. Indeed, they had been left behind. The hallway was empty. There wasn't much around them, but they did see that the hallway led to the outside world, judging from the orange-red glow coming down from the entrance. In fact, there seemed to be some considerable activity going on outside, judging by the murmuring collection of excited voices.

"Perhaps we should go the other way," Andy suggested.

They turned and started to walk towards the opposite end of the hall, but when they got there, they were disappointed to find a large metal door that was locked up very tightly.

"… Maybe it's nothing dangerous out there," Socrates said hopefully. "Maybe it's just a football game. We can get seats and…" He trailed off at their unimpressed faces. "… Yeah, probably not."

"We should probably just stay put," Sherman said firmly.

"Yeah, and then they can come down and drag us out to whatever awaits us," MTM replied.

"Man, there's just no solution that ends with us having hotdogs by a pool, is there?" Socrates complained.

"Come on," Andy sighed. "Let's get it over with."

Steeling their resolve, with Sherman on Andy's shoulder and the MTM in Socrates's paws, they meandered up the ramp to the outside world.

It was an arena.

They walked out into a large circular coliseum-esque place. It was packed with various Zokians that were all whooping and hollering, not unlike a crowd at a football game. They were drinking, shouting, shoving each other and screaming for violence.

When they all walked out into the open, the crowd erupted in frantic cheers, clapping and whooping.

"I don't like the looks of this," Andy yelled over the noise.

"Me neither," Socrates agreed. "Not a single hotdog stand or cheerleader in sight."

"Seems we're considered to be the entertainment for this bunch of weirdos," Sherman hypothesized. "Not unlike the Gladiators of Roman Times."

"Does this mean we have to fight each other to the death?" Andy asked fearfully.

"Don't worry, Andrew," Socrates said, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll make sure you both get honorable deaths."

"Gee, thanks."

"Nah, it's nothing like that," a new voice said.

They all turned to see an ordinary Zokian wearing a very sloppy jumpsuit and holding something that resembled a mop. Anyone could tell he was a janitor.

"What is it then?" asked Andy.

"It's a game of sport. You guys will be put in the middle of the arena, and then the audience bets on how long you all can survive before the monster eats you."

"… Monster?" Sherman asked nervously.

"Yep! We have a few that live under the arena. They starve 'em so they're desperate to eat anything, and so they'll stop at nothing to _catch_ that anything."

"Sounds like a hoot," Socrates muttered.

The janitor shrugged. "It's great fun if you're deranged and have the money to spend on it, so naturally it's super-popular with the mega-rich."

"And ideas continue to echo throughout the universe," Sherman sighed.

At that moment, a loud announcer voice reverberated across the arena. " _All right, everyone! It's time for this week's match! This week, we bring you creatures from the planet in system Sol – known as planet Earth! And we've got a rarity for you! Three different brands of species will be dropped in – human, feline and rodent! Let's see how they look!_ "

A spotlight suddenly snapped into life and illuminated the trio, briefly blinding them. They blinked a few times as the crowd started booing them.

"Tough crowd," Socrates grunted as he reclaimed his vision.

" _Ooooooh, looking a little sickly, the poor creatures_ ," the announcer continued. " _Let's put them out of their misery! Let's meet tonight's monster! Weighing in at fifty-seven blargs, put your tentacles together for the one, the only, the Snarfoo!_ "

The crowd erupted in cheers and started chanting, "Snar-foo! Snar-foo! Snar-foo!"

"Snarfoo?" Andy repeated. "Sounds like somebody trying to sneeze with their mouth full."

The ground trembled under their feet as the footsteps of the mighty beast rumbled around them. They saw a large door opening on the opposite side of the arena. They stared in horror as a large reptilian creature that was several shades of blue and green with large black eyes and three rows of sharp-looking teeth hauled itself out into the open.

As the crowd cheered, it sniffed the air, looking around before it finally saw its target cowering in a huddle directly across from it.

"Just out of curiosity," Sherman said to the janitor, "does anyone ever actually _survive_ these things?"

The janitor shrugged. "Depends on the species that faces the challenge. They do this for fun – getting innocents from different planets fighting in the arena."

"That's sick!" Andy exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's not a real popular event…"

The Snarfoo interrupted the conversation with a loud roar that almost knocked them off their feet.

" _Okay, let's start the clocks!_ " the announcer said. " _Time to see how badly they want to live!_ "

With thundering stomps, the Snarfoo headed in their direction.

"I'm thinking we need to run away now," MTM announced.

"Run _where_?" Sherman demanded. "That thing takes up half the arena! There's no way to escape! We can't even tire it out!"

"Well, just standing here yapping isn't going to help either!" Socrates pointed out, grabbing Andy by the arm and dragging him away just as the creature took a snap at them with its huge teeth.

" _Oooooh, so close!_ " the announcer said. " _Look at 'em scoot! We've got some scragglers tonight!_ "

The crowd cheered at the sign that things were going to be interesting.

Andy and Socrates ran the length of the arena, watching as the giant lizard slowly lumbered after them.

"Suggestion!" Andy yelled. "Maybe we should split up! Might make it more difficult for it to catch us!"

"Worth a shot!" Socrates replied.

So Andy and Sherman went in one direction while Socrates and the MTM went in another. If the Snarfoo was thrown by this, it didn't show it. It simply carried on in between the gap they had created.

"This isn't going to work long term," Socrates grumbled. "We need an actual escape route. Don't you have anything that _is_ working?"

"A few things, but not anything that could be weaponized," MTM replied.

"There's got to be _something_! Let me try…"

The tiger pressed one of the buttons on the MTM's casing. A moment later, music filled the air.

" _Oh! Written in the stars! A million miles away! A message to the main…!_ "

"Okay, why is it _now_ you play music?!" Socrates snapped.

"Hey, at least you don't need headphones to hear it," MTM replied. "That's not bad for a CD player from the late nineties!"

Socrates looked over his shoulder and saw that Andy wasn't too far away. The Snarfoo was heading in his direction.

"Andy! Catch!" he yelled, and he threw the MTM like a frisbee at his friend.

Fortunately, Andy looked up and saw it coming, and he just barely managed to catch it. "Please tell me you have something that can help me!" he pleaded.

"Maybe?"

"Good enough for me," Sherman decided. "Press a button."

"Which button?"

" _Any_ button!"

Andy did so, and a moment later, a large shovel expanded out of the MTM's side. The boy ran awkwardly with it as it swayed. "Er…"

"Ah yes, Calvin added that feature when he wanted to dig an Olympic pool in his mother's flower garden," MTM explained. "Always wondered why he never just used the transmogrifier gun to make one…"

The Snarfoo was just about to descend on them and devour them when Andy was overcome with inspiration. He swung the shovel blade around and whacked the creature across the nose with it. It wasn't exactly enough to injure it, but the giant lizard was so thrown by its prey fighting back that it was stunned into silence for a moment.

Andy quickly ran away as the shovel retracted back into the MTM. He managed to put some decent distance between himself and the beast before he saw Socrates, who was holding his paws out. He threw the CD player back to him before running off.

The Snarfoo chased after the boy, even more set on eating him.

"Okay, what else have you got?" Socrates asked, pressing another button.

He was a tad disappointed when all that popped out was a small corkscrew.

"Seriously?! Since when do Calvin and Hobbes drink _wine_?!"

"They don't. Calvin tried to get Miss Wormwood to sit on it once," the MTM replied.

That gave Socrates an idea. He looked across the arena at the Snarfoo as it chased after Andy and Sherman.

"Well!" he said. "Let's apply the same basic principle, shall we? Fire at will!"

He aimed the corkscrew in the direction of the creature, and the MTM disconnected it and fired it like a dart across the arena and straight at the Snarfoo, embedding itself in the creature's prominent hindquarters, right where the tail connected.

The creature let out a howl of pain before turning around and seeing Socrates already running away from it. It growled furiously and began to give chase.

Socrates hurled the MTM back towards Andy before running the other way.

The boy picked it up and looked it over. "There's got to be something that can get us out of here!" he complained as he pressed another button.

A moment later, a large plastic wand popped out, and several bubbles started spewing out.

"Seriously?!" Andy shouted. "What the heck did Calvin need _this_ for?!"

"He's six," MTM replied, as if it were obvious.

Sherman eyed the bubbles closely. "Do you control the frequency of the bubbles?"

"Indeed I do."

"Well, I think we need to do something before Socrates over there is messily devoured. Thoughts?"

Indeed, the Snarfoo was closing in on Socrates. The red-tailed tiger was running out of places to hide – which there weren't very many of to begin with.

Andy aimed the MTM at the creature. "Let there be suds!" he declared, running towards it.

The MTM revved a few times before the auto-bubble-wand kicked into high gear, sending a flurry of soapy bubbles at the creature.

Just as the Snarfoo was about to catch Socrates, it felt several droplets of what felt like water on its body coming from behind. It turned to see what was happening, only to get a face full of suds. It let out another howl of pain, bellowing furiously.

Fortunately, this gave Socrates a chance to escape, and he ran around the creature while it was still reeling.

Unfortunately, the Snarfoo was now even angrier, and it swiped at the ground wildly as it fought to regain its vision.

" _What an amazing performance!_ " the announcer declared. " _Look at how the earthlings cling to life! Let's see how far they can take it before the mighty Snarfoo finally destroys them!_ "

"I get the feeling he's not rooting for us," Sherman muttered.

The bubble machine finally ran out of soap, and it automatically retracted into the MTM. Socrates rejoined his friends as they began backing away. The Snarfoo was still stomping around, trying to figure out where it was, which only made it even more dangerous.

"Do we have _anything_ else?" Socrates demanded.

"There must be _something_ in here!" Andy wailed, looking at all the buttons closely.

Then he spotted one that made his eyes light up. He pressed it.

The MTM's lid popped open, and out came a large fan that gave them a cooling breeze.

"Well, that's refreshing," Socrates sighed. "Especially after running all over the place in a fur coat."

"No, wait!" Sherman cried. "I get the idea!"

The little hamster climbed down the boy's arm and inspected the wiring hooked up to the fan. He fiddled with it for a few seconds before the fan slowed down to a halt, and then it began to turn in reverse, going faster and faster.

"Got it!" he cheered, scrambling back to Andy's shirt pocket.

Andy held the MTM over his head as the fan spun even faster. It spun so fast that it began to lift him up into the air. Realizing the plan, Socrates grabbed on as well, and the MTM proceeded to hoist them up and over the arena, just as the Snarfoo was about to stomp on them.

" _Whoa, look at that!_ " the announcer cried. " _Look at them fly away! It's amazing! It's unprecedented! It's… wait… That means they win?! Hold it, that's not supposed to happen! That means everyone loses their bets! We all bet on the Snarfoo! That's my rent flying away from the building! Get them back!_ "

Several guards started firing ray guns at the soaring trio, but the MTM had excellent reflexes and was able to dodge their blasts quite handedly. They soared up and into the sky, listening to the booing of the crowd while the announcer continued shouting, and the Snarfoo snarled angrily.

Only the janitor was enjoying the sight, laughing his head off at the commotion. "Phew! Looks like I can cut out early!" he cheered, tossing the mop aside. "The things we do to put food on the table…"

They finally managed to fly away from the building.

"Wow, it's really pretty up here," Socrates remarked. "Imagine what it must've looked like _before_ it got blown up."

"So what now?" Andy asked, clinging to the CD player. "My fingers are going to go numb at some point."

"Just need to find a suitable place to land," MTM replied.

Sherman peered down. "Yeah, not a lot of those around here, considering all the armed guards and war machines down there."

"Doesn't have to be perfect. Just solid ground will do."

They were just about to look around some more when they were enveloped in a strange green glow that caused them all to freeze in mid-air.

"Guh," Socrates complained. "We never get a moment to catch our breath!"

"Some sort of tractor beam," MTM said. "Seems to be pulling us towards some sort of spaceship."

"Oh great! More Zokian doo-doo heads," Andy complained.

"No… No, the ship is not of Zok origin."

"It's not? Then who is it?"

"I don't recognize the insignia on the ship. But we should be there momentarily."

For thirty agonizing seconds, they were hauled up through the air by the green beam before they finally saw the ship. It was a large ship – three times as big as the one Rupert was using on Earth, and it was in low orbit over the planet. They came at it faster and faster until they were finally all the way inside.

Finally, they landed with a metallic thud on a cold metal floor. MTM retracted his fan as they all looked up and took in their surroundings.

There were lots of aliens surrounding them, but none of them were from Zok. They were of all shapes and sizes, wearing different kinds of uniforms, with weird anatomies that consisted of varying numbers of limbs and the like.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates didn't move. These creatures had no weapons in their hands. They didn't seem like they were going to do anything until one particularly large creature that was covered in orange fur and wore an official-looking uniform stepped forward.

"Welcome aboard," he announced, sounding for all the world like a genuine officer. "I am Captain Rumple. I speak for all these creatures of various worlds throughout the cosmos when I say – we need your help."

The trio looked at each other in bemusement before addressing him.

"We're listening," Andy said politely.


	10. Nibbling Nasties

The door to the bedroom burst open, and Chill came tumbling inside. He looked around frantically, stepping over the mess on his way to the closet, which was empty. He looked under the bed, pulling out a bunch of garbage. He still couldn't find any sign of the boy or his stuffed tiger.

Grumbling to himself, he wandered out of the room and searched the next room, which was his parents' room. It was empty as well, so he decided to search there as well. He dug through the closet, tossing the clothes aside, but he found nothing interesting. He looked under the bed, but found only old shoeboxes full of things like photos and receipts. He searched the dresser, finding only his mom's jewelry, which he pocketed for a rainy day. After all, he _was_ a criminal.

"Might be worth a couple hundred…," he murmured. He held one up to his eye for inspection. "Or maybe _a_ hundred…"

He set off downstairs, looking around. Maybe the kid had snuck around him when he wasn't looking.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…," he singsonged, craning his neck to get a good view of the living room. "Where the heck are you, you little son of a…?"

He looked at the TV, which was a small one with rabbit ears. He looked it over from all sides.

"Might be worth something on the Antiques Roadshow…"

He was just starting to fiddle with it when something caught his eye on the coffee table that really threw him for a loop.

It was a flash drive.

Chill stared at it in confusion. That couldn't be right, could it?

Abandoning the TV, he walked over and plucked it off the table. Yes, this was definitely a flash drive. It was a fairly new one, too. Hardly any scratches on it, and the casing was still firmly attached. He looked for any sort of identification on it, but nothing could be found.

Curious as to its contents, he looked around the room for a computer. He checked for one in the kitchen as well, but nothing. It wasn't until he found someone's tiny little home office that he spotted one.

Walking inside, he was discouraged to find that it wasn't really that modern of a computer. It was covered in dust, suggesting it was only used sparingly. The monitor was large enough for a house cat to take a very comfortable nap on top of it. What's more, instead of a USB port, he saw the ancient slot that would be used to house floppy disks.

"Man, this kid's parents are lame," Chill muttered, glaring at the ancient piece of tech.

He tossed the flash drive up and down in his hand a few times. He muttered to himself, figuring it probably wasn't important, so he started to set it down on the desk. Before he could let it go, though, a thought struck him.

If the only computer in this house couldn't support flash drives, what was it even doing in this house?

Fascinated, he picked it back up and pocketed it. Might be worth investigating later. He turned and strode outside for more stuff to steal. He glanced out a window and saw that the sun was setting, and the great big fight outside was showing no signs of stopping. He might crash here for the night, seeing as how no one was home.

Except, now that he listened carefully, he thought he heard voices from inside the house.

"… don't know _what_ we're going to do. We don't know where he is, we don't know where his friends are… What about your sister and the boys? Are they okay?"

"Yes, they're just outside of town," said a woman's voice. "Managed to avoid getting trapped under that force field thing."

"Man… never thought we'd be saying 'force field' so casually…"

"I've been trying to call someone on the outside," said a third voice. "Tried calling, texting, video calling… Can't even send a dang emoji."

"Max, please stop using that thing in my house…"

"Aw, c'mon, bro! Can't you lighten up for all of _two seconds_?! We've got aliens out there!"

"I know… I just… I just can't…"

"Dear, calm down," said the woman's voice. "It's going to be okay."

"Yeah, hang in there," agreed the other man. "We just gotta persevere. We gotta hang in there in case he comes back."

There was a long silence. Chill strained to listen. It had sounded like it was coming from the kitchen – the one room he hadn't been in yet. He peeked around the corner and saw Calvin's parents sitting at the kitchen table while Uncle Max stood behind them, his arms around them consolingly. They were slumped together, holding onto each other for security. He could hear one of them crying.

Realizing what a perilous position he was in, Chill reversed course and slipped back around as quietly as he could until he was at the front door. It might behoove him to find someone else's house to sleep in.

* * *

Andy looked at all the various aliens that surrounded him.

They were all sat down a long narrow table, of several different species, all authority figures of some kind. So far, they had disclosed to the group that they were here to speak on behalf of their people. Socrates and Sherman were sat on either side of him – they'd somehow produced a chair small enough for the hamster to sit on comfortably.

The leader of this band of aliens was Captain Rumple. At least, that's what his name _sounded_ like. Andy figured that logically his name wouldn't be something so silly, but it was simply the way his human ears interpreted it. That was the best explanation he could come up with right now.

Rumple leaned against the table with his long green scaly arms. "Many centuries ago," he said calmly, "Zok was a very peaceful planet. Not much in the way of technology – just a harmless little planet with your average everyday life forms."

"But something happened that changed all that," Sherman stated.

"Yes… Rupert Chill arrived on the planet."

"We knew he wasn't strictly a native," Andy said awkwardly. "He'd arrived some time ago and became like the people of Zok."

"Indeed. He came from a place outside the universe itself. He happened upon Zok, finding its people all too easy to manipulate. He abused them, made them work for him. Killed any who dared resist him. The rest were cowed into following him, and over the many centuries he has ruled, the beings of Zok have devolved into the moronic numbskulls you are now familiar with."

Socrates let out a low whistle. "Dang, talk about the mighty falling."

"Makes me feel a bit better about the human race," Sherman muttered.

"During that time," Rumple continued, "he transformed these creatures into conquerors. They've taken over planet after planet in an effort to build him an empire. He's held us all in an iron grip, keeping us as part of his kingdom. He claims he will stop at nothing until the entire universe is serving him."

"We need to sic him with a team of psychiatrists," Sherman remarked.

"I wonder if he was ever hugged as a child," Socrates added.

"So what's changed?" Andy asked. "If he's managed to keep you all down for so long, why are you all just now starting to fight back?"

"He is very skilled at keeping his authority. But in recent years, he's… become _distracted_."

"Gee, I wonder why…"

"His pursuit of the Earth Potentate seems to have become all-consuming. Not to mention the fact that he downright _disappeared_ a while ago for several months. When he came back, we took a chance and attempted negotiations with those commanding in his place."

"How'd that go?"

"Not so good. There weren't any."

"No one?"

"Nobody. Not even his second-in-command was there. We tried to take advantage of it, but his military started fighting back. They're not dumb, they're just mean. They went crazy on us, and we had to defend ourselves. By the time Rupert returned, our combined forces had almost assumed control. It was only through his leadership that they managed reclaim some, but not enough to stop us completely. We've been in this war ever since."

Andy cleared his throat. "So where do _we_ enter this?" he asked.

"The Earth Potentate is clearly the only one able to truly defeat Rupert," Rumple explained. "He's distracted Zok for so long, he's given us our only way out. We need him to actively join our crusade to remove Rupert from power once and for all. He wants to run his own planet? Fine. But that's all he gets. He has to let us all go free."

Sherman nodded. "So you want us to get Calvin to join the band, as it were?"

"Correct."

"He's totally the lead vocals of _any_ band," Socrates said with a smirk.

Andy picked the MTM off the table. "How about it, MTM? Any chance you can reach Calvin and Hobbes?"

"I'm still being blocked," MTM replied.

"Of course, you are," Sherman sighed.

" _However_ …," the CD player continued irritably, "it occurs to me that a ship full of super-advanced tech _might_ be able to help us."

"We can certainly try," Rumple agreed.

"Take me to the nearest life form scanner. I can plug in and expand the parameters all the way back to Earth and scan for them."

"Are you compatible? Do we need an adaptor?" Socrates asked.

"Please. I am _universal_."

Rumple picked up the MTM with his long scaly fingers and carried him through the ship with the others following him. He passed him off to some technicians before some large computers that took up half the room. He set it down on the main desk.

The MTM extended a long electrode that snaked out and felt around the room like a crazy snake until it finally latched onto a large terminal. There was a spark of electricity before a massive screen began to cause all the graphics on the screen to go into a flurry of pixels. They all watched, mesmerized.

"There, I'm in," MTM announced. "Just give me a few minutes to expand the search all the way back to Earth, and I should be able to pinpoint exactly where they… Oh."

"Oh, what?" Andy asked.

"… They appear to be not too far from us."

"What, really?!" Socrates exclaimed.

"Yeah, they're in a small ship headed in this direction. Coming at us from the rear. Putting it onscreen."

They screen flickered, and they saw a 3D image of the ship they were in, and a tiny little dot was zooming along, some considerable distance away but gaining ground.

"He's already coming?" Rumple asked, surprised.

"Not surprising," Andy said with a knowing grin. "He always comes."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting listlessly in the cockpit of their escape pod, growing increasingly bored. It had been several hours since they'd commandeered it, and without any kind of mental stimuli, their brains were turning to tapioca.

"… I don't think we thought this through," Hobbes sighed.

"No," Calvin agreed. "I forgot that Zok was so dang far away."

"Not that we've ever been there before, so we have no way of knowing."

"Oh hush."

He got up from his seat and peered out the window at the stars zooming past.

"Man, why'd they have to make the universe so gosh-darn _big_?! Where are all the shortcuts that are supposed to be in space? Not a single wormhole!"

"Right, because all wormholes lead straight to wherever it is we need to go," Hobbes grumbled.

"I swear, if something doesn't happen, I'm gonna freak out!"

 _WHAM!_

They were both thrown to the floor when the entire ship jolted, sending the ship into a tailspin.

Even though he was upside down against the wall, Hobbes still managed to glare at his friend. "Do you want to freak out first, or shall I?"

Calvin glared at him and peered out of the window. "What the heck was that?" he demanded. "Some kind of asteroid?"

"Well, I'll just roll down the window and have a gander, shall I?"

"Are you going to make yourself useful or just spout smart remarks?"

"Okay, okay… Why don't we use the onboard computer thingamajig?"

Calvin looked over at a computer at the pilots controls, which were operating on their own. He went over and scanned the buttons. "Let's see… let's try _this_ one…"

He pressed a button, and a green beam of light lit up over him, scanning his head.

A female voice emitted from a speaker grille. "Language designation determined – _Sol 3 English_."

"As opposed to what?" Calvin asked.

The voice continued as if he'd never spoken. "Please state the nature of your distress."

"We got hit by something!"

"Please clarify the nature of your distress."

"A thing crashed into us! Do something!"

"Please clarify the nature of your distress."

 _WHAM!_

The ship went into yet another tailspin as something else collided with them, this time putting a large dent in the wall.

"What the heck was that?!" Hobbes cried.

"Scanning exterior of ship," the computer said. "Collision with species designation – Shadowfax."

"… Shadowfax? Isn't that a horse?"

"What kind of creature is it?" Calvin asked.

"Space-dwelling creatures that live primarily on metal. Danger to shipping. Beings with jewelry should avoid Shadowfax."

"Not the best creatures to be around if you're into heavy metal," Hobbes muttered.

 _WHAM!_

There was a third crash that knocked them down once again.

"Computer, how long does it take a Shadowfax to eat a ship this size?" Calvin asked worriedly.

"A single Shadowfax would take approximately ten hours to devour this ship," the computer replied.

"Oh… Well, maybe we can hold out long enough to get to Zok."

"Negative."

"Negative? Why?"

"There are currently _three_ Shadowfax eating away at the ship."

 _WHAM!_

" _Four_ Shadowfax."

Calvin and Hobbes gulped as they picked themselves up off the floor again.

"Is there any way to get rid of them?" Calvin asked hopefully.

"Regretfully, this ship has no such defenses against Shadowfax."

"Maybe we can try to shake them off by steering very badly," Hobbes suggested.

"Shadowfax possess the ability to cling to their prey until it is devoured."

"Ah, so they're basically fast-acting barnacles…"

 _WHAM!_

" _Five_ Shadowfax," the computer intoned.

Calvin and Hobbes just lay on the floor this time and stared at the various dents in the ceiling. They had no idea what these creatures even looked like, and they were going to be the cause of their demise.

"So…," Calvin said at last. "Which is it going to be? Are we going to lie here like lemons and wait to die in the cold void of space, or do we go over to the controls and try to defeat them before inevitably dying in the cold void of space?"

"Hmmmm… Grabbing the controls sounds a lot more interesting."

"Agreed."

They got to their feet.

 _WHAM!_

" _Six_ Shadowfax."

They got to their feet again and made a dash for the controls. They switched off the auto-pilot and did whatever they could with the controls. The whole ship jerked left and right as they fiddled with it.

 _WHAM!_

" _Seven_ Shadowfax."

They dipped up and down, trying to at least avoid whatever swarm they were caught in.

 _WHAM!_

" _Eight_ Shadowfax."

 _WHAM!_

" _Nine_ Shadowfax."

 _WHAM!_

" _Ten_ Shadowfa…"

 _WHAM!_

" _Eleven_ Shadow…"

 _WHAM!_

" _Twelve_ Sha…"

 _WHAM!_

" _Thirteen…_ "

"OH, SHUT UP!" Calvin bellowed furiously.

The hull was beginning to crumple like paper, and they could swear their heard the munching outside.

"Life support failing," the computer announced.

"You know," Calvin said as he wrestled with the joystick. "We've almost died so many times now, you'd think we'd be numb to this by now!"

"There's just so many new and interesting ways to die nowadays!" Hobbes replied, as he pressed all the buttons.

There was a loud crunch from above, and they noticed a large pair of teeth had bitten through the ceiling. Yelping, they both abandoned the controls, causing the ship to fly completely unsupervised.

"What is _with_ these dang things?!" Hobbes wailed.

More and more teeth were beginning to appear around them.

The two friends hugged each other and waited for it to be over.

They heard a loud whooshing sound that resembled air escaping.

"You guys okay?" Andy asked.

Calvin and Hobbes both opened their eyes in surprise. They hadn't been expecting that voice.

They also weren't expecting to be sitting on the floor in a giant metal room that was definitely _not_ the escape pod.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates were front and center, but they could see various other aliens in the background working the equipment.

"… Andy?" Calvin asked slowly.

"Where are we?" Hobbes asked, looking at the aliens with trepidation.

"Well…," Andy said awkwardly, "to cut a long story short, we're in orbit around Zok, standing with some kind of Universal Liberation Front."

"Huh?"

"Basically," Sherman said, "the creatures you see before you are all from the various planets that Rupert took over, and now they're at war with them to try and free themselves from his power."

"And they were hoping that we could convince you guys to join their little team," Socrates added. "So they helped the MTM to find you and teleport you here."

"Just in time, by the look of it," MTM added from Andy's hand. "Those metal munchers just about guzzled down your pod."

"I hate people who gulp their food," Hobbes grumbled.

Calvin got up off the floor and approached the group. "So… these guys want me to come up with some kind of plan to defeat Rupert for them?"

"More like, give them a nudge in the right direction," Andy clarified. "They're not looking for a leader or anything."

"See yourself as a consultant in this scenario," Socrates agreed. "You're being hired to help them think outside the box."

"But you don't have to use the word 'paradigm'," Sherman added.

Calvin scratched his chin in thought as Hobbes came over to join them.

"Hmmm…," he contemplated. "Any weaknesses we can exploit?"

"Just the fact that he's absolutely bonkers at this point," Hobbes said. "Full on Captain Ahab mode in stopping you. That just makes him more dangerous."

"True… However, it _also_ makes him less predictable. Even Earl didn't seem to know what was going on in his head, which tells me that he's basically just firing wildly in the dark, hoping he hits the target."

At that, a small smile split across Calvin's face.

"Take me to the head of this operation," he said to the others. "I think I've got a plan hatching as we speak."


	11. Security Systems

"How many times do you suppose we've been in space at this point?" Andy asked as he gazed out of the window into the blackness outside the ship.

Calvin, who was spinning around in a swivel chair beside him, tapped his chin in thought. "I'd have to think about that to be honest. It's been a hot second since I've really thought about it."

"We've been up here more than most astronauts at this point, I would assume," Socrates added. "We have been known to come out here when we're bored."

"Hey, we've found some pretty awesome planets when we've came up here on the slow days," Andy said. "Provided I think we could have come up with some better names for some of them…"

"Groom Frungla is my proudest work, in my opinion," Calvin interjected.

Suddenly a small bell began chiming throughout the room, causing everyone to look up, a screen beside Calvin's chair lit up and Rumple's face appeared over it, with the foreground of several operations consoles and flashing lights.

"We have just entered your solar system," he said, authoritatively. "We will be arriving at Earth in approximately four minutes. We seem to have a problem though."

"Hm, do tell." Calvin said.

"We've been tracking the satellites around your planet, and within the last hour they have multiplied by an incredible rate," Rumple noted. "We fear the extra objects are Zokian in origin."

"Hmm," Calvin considered. "What purpose would Rupert have to do that, I wonder?"

"Better TV signal?" Hobbes suggested.

"They could be any range of things," Rumple said. "From mind control devices to a communication barrier to prevent Earth from calling out for help. Either way, we need to be aware of them when we arrive."

"Roger that," Calvin said, giving the alien a small salute.

Rumple nodded and the screen died.

"What _is_ the plan anyway when we get there?" Sherman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm still working on that bit, but the fact that Rupert is going to tunnel vision at me is going to be a major advantage on our part," Calvin said. "We just have to find a way to exploit that."

"But we don't know how he's going to react to anything at this point," Hobbes pointed out. "Even Earl didn't seem to know what he'd do."

"An unpredictable soldier is not a skilled soldier. The emotional weakness of someone is always their downfall. Just trust me on this guys."

There was a moment of silence as everyone considered that.

"I don't know what's worse," Sherman said. "The fact that you sounded so much like a supervillain right there, or the fact that you're right…"

Calvin shrugged, as he continued spinning in his chair.

The minutes passed slowly as the group stared out of their respective windows into space. As they watched, they finally began to see the familiar globe coming into view. As they approached, however, their expressions quickly changed from that of readiness to that of unease. Surrounding the entire planet was an intricate network of bright red satellites. Each one connected to the other via what appeared to be an electrical current. As the ship began slowing down, the crew heard the doors behind them open, and they all turned to see Rumple and two other smaller aliens walking into the room.

"Well hello," Calvin said, still spinning in the chair, slightly. "I assume we're here to talk engineering?"

"I'm guessing those satellites weren't here when you left?" Rumple said, ignoring Calvin and approaching the window.

"I mean, I've been told I'm unobservant, but I think I would have picked that bit up."

"It's a Zokian defense system. It's designed to prevent entrance or departure from the planet. Rupert would only use it in cases that the race on the planet he was taking over had any means of interplanetary escape."

"But… we really don't," Andy said. "I mean we do… kind of… But we're nowhere near the level of evacuating the entire planet..."

"Rupert would know this," Sherman considered. "The human race hasn't even been recorded stepping on another planet yet."

There was a pause as they all considered more ideas.

"He's doing it to keep me out," Calvin said, finally.

"That… is quite possibly why…," Rumple admitted.

"Is there any way to get past them?" Socrates asked.

"Not unless we shut the entire network down. And to do that we would need to send some engineers down to the hub satellite, assuming we even knew which one that was. And even then, I don't know if we have the proper equipment to shut this type of system down."

Calvin tapped his chin in thought. "Perhaps, but I'm pretty sure I do."

Everyone turned and looked over at Calvin as he pulled the MTM out of his pocket. "What do you think, MTM? You been around Zokian technology enough, I'm sure you've adapted to some of it."

"A bit, yes," MTM replied. "It's not like they bother to try and encrypt any of it."

"Do you think you can get the satellites deactivated?" Rumple asked the machine.

"Probably. Only thing is, like you said, I gotta find the hub... aaaaaaand I found it."

Rumple stared at the MTM in shock. "That was… You just scanned over a hundred thousand satellites just now and found it?"

"Nah, it was the third one I scanned. Got a bit lucky there, I will admit."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Regardless, what are the chances you can deactivate it remotely?"

"What are the chances you can defeat Rupert remotely?"

"I figured as much. All right, Rumple, MTM and I are going out there to fix this."

"Whoa, whoa, that's not going to happen!" Rumple objected stepping forward. "You are vital to this mission, and I'm not about to put you in any harm's way something like this. I will transfer your machine to our best technicians, to have them deactivate the system!"

"Well that's just fine and dandy," MTM said. "Only problem with that is my controls are entirely bio-linked to Calvin and his green list of people. Namely, the rest of the guys that follow him around everywhere."

"That's fine, just add the technicians to the green list." Rumple said. "I can get their biological signature."

"That's a no go as well." MTM said. "The green list has been permanently locked off, and no one is capable of being added to it or removed from it."

"Oh dear lord, why?!" Rumple groaned.

"This thing has the ability to destroy entire planets and civilizations, if in the wrong hands," Calvin said, holding the MTM up. "In fact, it's really a marvel in itself that we have conflict to begin with, considering how powerful you are..."

"I try to stay humble," MTM said.

"Entire planets and civilizations? Isn't that being a little hyperbolic?" Sherman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I haven't showed off _everything_ this guy can do," Calvin sniffed, patting MTM proudly.

"Anyway…," Rumple sighed. "If I haven't got a choice I'm afraid I'm going to have to relent. I insist you take someone with you, though."

"Oh, don't worry, that's what Hobbes is for," Calvin nodded.

Hobbes looked up from his coloring book. "What?" he asked, as if just now becoming aware of the conversation.

Minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes were both sitting in a small red space pod, with Calvin gripping the MTM with a determined look on his face. The two were dressed in bright orange space suits with other aliens handing them helmets.

"I don't recall agreeing to this," Hobbes moaned as he took his own respective helmet.

"Ah come on, this'll be fun!" Calvin grinned. "Maybe after we've actually saved the world and people know it was us this time, we'll actually get you that National Geographic issue you've been trying to get on for who knows how long at this point?"

"Promises of fame are not helping."

 _PLEASE ACTIVATE PES._

Calvin and Hobbes jumped at the unexpected computer voice that suddenly filled the cockpit of the pod as the glass dome closed on top of them.

"It's your suit," one of the aliens said. "It automatically tells you to put your helmet on if you don't do it after a few minutes."

"Good to know it cares about our health," Hobbes muttered, taking his own helmet and fixing it to his face.

Calvin did the same, as the ship slowly began lowering into the ground as though a submarine was descending into the ocean.

The two heard the unmistakable sound of an airlock closing and decompressing, before their ship was plunged into darkness.

Calvin peered up as he watched themselves slowly float away from the alien ship above them, before the sound of the pod's engine kicked in and he and Hobbes felt themselves being turned around towards the Earth.

"All right, MTM, are you ready for your moment to shine?" Calvin chuckled.

"Only my fifth time today, but I suppose," MTM said, boredly.

"Why am I here, again?" Hobbes asked.

"Because you have just as much plot protection as I do, and you know it," Calvin replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"Why do we keep doing that?" Hobbes asked.

"Doing what?"

"Talking about our situations like we're in a movie or a TV show?"

Calvin opened his mouth to reply, only to stop finding himself unable to come up with an answer. "Erm... You know, I've never really thought about it," he admitted.

"Is it like some kind of subtle indication that we _are_ in a movie or TV show?" Hobbes asked. "Cuz if so, that means there's at least a better chance we're going to win."

"I mean, that also depends on whether we're in one of those movies that have happy endings," Calvin pointed out. "But it's also worth noting that anybody's reality could technically be nothing but a movie in an alternate reality. It's entirely possible that events and history from alternate universes could be leaking through tiny cracks in the universe, and only picked up by a select few individuals who would then turn those events into records of film or novelization. Perhaps what is a movie to us could be one's true struggles to another. And perhaps those same movies could just be written adaptations in another universe."

They paused to consider this.

"We talk about strange things," Hobbes said.

"Yeah well, we're strange people," Calvin shrugged.

"Arriving at the hub," MTM suddenly chimed in through the speakers in Calvin's helmet.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up to see one of the satellites not twenty feet from their position. It was obviously full metal, but painted crimson red with two ray gun sentries placed on either side. They rotated around the satellite, not paying any attention to the small pod that had approached it.

"Thank tuna for cloaking devices," Hobbes muttered.

Calvin pushed a button on the console, and the sound of air hissing out of the pod sounded as the glass dome lifted up, and the two felt themselves being lifted out of their seats.

"Something to note," MTM said. "I'm picking something up on my scanners. It's still far away but it's gaining speed, fast. It seems to be approaching the Earth."

"More ships?" Hobbes asked.

"Can't be sure," MTM replied. "Could be reinforcements for Rupert. Regardless, we should probably try and pick the pace up."

"Roger that," Calvin said, as he unbuckled his seat belt, and pushed off towards the satellite.

As he floated towards it, several wires extended out from the MTM, as Calvin pushed off of the satellite and stabilized himself, before looking for some kind of input. Upon finding it, he opened the metal casing and held the CD player up to it. The wires extended out like tendrils and probed the inner console until it found the proper input to connect to. A tiny surge of electrical current flicked from the wires as they latched on and the MTM began humming.

There was a moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes watched the CD player in anticipation.

"So, um… any news?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah, I can get it. It's gonna take a hot second though. They actually have a firewall on this. By the looks of it, a fairly decent one too. I might have to actually try, here. Hang about."

There was a moment as the machine continued vibrating in Calvin's hand. The two watched, expectantly, waiting for an update.

"Ooh, this is a tricky one," MTM said, almost sounding giddy from the challenge. "But I think I got it. System should be down in one minute thirty-four seconds."

Calvin nodded, and proceeded to look up at the Earth. Through the electric wiring surrounding it, it seemed surprisingly untouched. Things looked fairly normal and it was a relief to Calvin knowing that no one had resorted to nuclear attacks on the aliens yet. As he continued admiring the planet, he suddenly began to hear the speakers in his helmet come on with a blast of static.

"Calvin, you need to abandon the mission and return to the ship right now!" Rumple's voice announced through the ear piece.

"Ack... Why? And can you tone it down a bit? I can hear you just fine!" Calvin gRumpled.

"There is a horde of Shadowfax approaching from outside the solar system!" Rumple replied. "They're not too far out and will be passing over this area any moment! Get yourself back to the pod!"

Calvin growled and looked back down to the MTM. "How much time do we have left, MTM?!" He asked.

"About forty five seconds," MTM said. "Nearly there."

Calvin looked back to Hobbes, who looked back up to Calvin with an expectant look on his face.

"We're gonna do the smart, safe thing and leave, right?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin considered for a moment. "No… No, we're not."

"I figured."

"MTM is almost there!" Calvin said into the mic. "We'll be back on the ship momentarily!"

"Calvin, I order you get yourself back to safety this instant!" Rumple commanded.

"Yeah my mom says that to me all time, I still don't do it. Now hush. Don't want to disturb scientific progress."

"Calvin!"

"I really think we should do what the alien commander is telling us to do…," Hobbes moaned.

"We usually don't listen to them, so why start now?" Calvin said.

"Twenty five seconds," MTM chimed in.

"There, see? We got this," Calvin said. "Just gotta wait a liiiiiitle bit longer and..."

Suddenly, something very disheartening began occurring which caused both of their hearts to sink a little bit. It was getting darker. As the two turned their heads towards the direction of the sun, they saw nothing but an ominous mass of black partially blocking the light. It was only distinguishable from the rest of space from the lack of stars, and faint signs of movement as it roared closer to them. It wasn't long before Calvin began making out thousands of dark purple eyes blinking and flickering in the mass, and although no sound was heard in space, Calvin could only assume that they didn't have pleasant sounds to make.

"Okay, change of plans, let's leave," Calvin said, taking the wires from the MTM, and pulling them out with a yank.

"Aww…," MTM sighed. "And I was almost there…"

With a mighty shove, Calvin pushed his way back to the space pod and secured himself in his seat, as Hobbes did the same. The pod turned and slowly closed up as it switched directions back towards the ship.

"I was so close, man." MTM protested. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had a challenge like that?"

"I'll let you hack the national security computers when we get home, MTM!" Calvin said, pushing every button he could to try and make things go faster.

"Are you kidding? I do that every day you go to school when I'm bored. They don't secure that stuff at all. Do you want to know our nuclear launch codes?"

Before Calvin could consider a proper reply to that, the sound of flesh colliding with metal sounded throughout the cockpit, and the realization hit them both that the Shadowfax were now above their home planet.


	12. Digital Disclosure

There was a flash of light in the middle of the room, and everyone on the ship turned to see Calvin and Hobbes tumble to the floor in a heap with the MTM sitting neatly on top of them.

"… That went well," Andy deadpanned.

"Blasted Shadowfax!" Rumple yelled. "They're to the rest of the universe what cockroaches are to you! We can never destroy them, the little pests!"

Socrates cleared his throat. "Not so little," he said, pointing out the viewscreen. "Check 'em out. They've got more chomping power than a White House shredder."

Everyone followed his finger to the sight outside. The Shadowfax were furiously devouring the tiny shuttlecraft.

"Hope that thing's insured," Andy said quietly.

"What about the Earth?" Sherman asked. "Can those things get through the defense system?"

"I'm… not sure," Rumple said nervously. He threw a glance at some other aliens that were watching the monitors and going over the readouts. "What do you think?"

One of the scientist aliens spoke up. "We've finished our scans on Rupert's security fields. They've got a density thick enough to protect the planet from any particularly large asteroids. An entire pack of Shadowfax _might_ be held back as well."

They all watched intently as the Shadowfax finished gobbling down the shuttlecraft. Then, like a massive swarm of coordinated flies, they headed towards the Earth itself. Luckily, the satellites were still transmitting the field, and they soon found themselves being electrocuted upon touching it. They began scurrying around, trying to break in, making the field flare up in colorful sparks.

"If they get through the force field, what happens?" Calvin asked.

"They'll devour anything," Rumple replied. "They've destroyed entire planets in the past. Earth will be no exception."

"There must be _something_ we can do!" Hobbes cried.

"We have no choice. We must be turn around and leave this place. It's only a matter of time."

"Oh, _that's_ nice!" Calvin snapped. "Let's just run away and leave the people of Earth to be devoured by a plague of intergalactic locusts! There's _got_ to be a way!"

"Such as?"

"Do they have any weaknesses? Anything that might work?"

The alien scientist spoke up again. "Well, they _do_ have an aversion to light. Hence why they tend to be space-dwelling creatures."

"What kind of light?"

"Any kind, really. You'll note that they are only swarming on the dark side of the planet. They can handle your sun at the moment because of its distance, but they still prefer to be submerged in total darkness."

"So we need something a bit more powerful to scare them off?" Hobbes asked.

"We could flash the headlights at them," Socrates suggested.

"What do you think, Sherman?" Andy asked, checking his shoulder.

But when he turned to look, his shoulder was empty. So was the other one. Both pockets were empty. They all looked around for the hamster, and soon, they saw he had acquired a pen and was scribbling furiously on the nearest control panel in tiny equations and symbols.

"Huh boy," Hobbes muttered. "Looks like Vermin's getting an idea."

Sherman ignored him and continued his work, his mind racing as ideas came into his head.

"… I think I've got it," he said. "Something to frighten a whole swarm away from Earth."

"What do we need?" Calvin asked.

"I need an old-fashioned camera, and an ultraviolet lightbulb."

"… What, no paperclips? No chewing gum? No bobby pins?" Socrates asked.

"Smart aleck. I'm onto something here. Calvin?"

Calvin held up the MTM. "What do you think, MTM? Got anything in your hypercube?"

"Funny you should mention it," the CD player replied.

His side glowed a light blue color, and an old flash camera came flying out and landed on the floor with a clatter. Following that was a pillow that landed next to it, and then out came a lightbulb that landed safely on top of it.

Sherman scrambled down from the controls and began taking the camera apart. He dug through the back end and pulled some wiring out.

"What're you trying to do?" Andy asked.

"I'm trying to create a flash that will keep the Shadowfax away from here."

"By snapping an old-timey selfie with them?" Socrates asked.

"No. Something a little more… _illuminating_ … than that."

* * *

It was a good half hour later before Sherman was ready. He was suited up in a tiny little spacesuit – which had been surprisingly easy to find on the alien spaceship – and he had his device all set up and ready for use.

Rather than waste another shuttlecraft, MTM decided to go ahead and just teleport him down. Hobbes complained bitterly that if they'd done that in first place, they'd have finished the job right away. MTM told him to stop whining and got on with it.

Sherman peered out the viewscreen at the swarm of Shadowfax that were still frantically trying to breach the security field. They were like a huge black amoeba squirming and thrashing against the flares of electricity.

"Okay, I think I'm ready," he announced.

"Be careful, Shermie," Andy said firmly. "Don't try to take one home as a pet for scientific research."

Sherman pouted. "Oh, come on! I did that with _one_ otherworldly species, and that was it!"

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared incredulously.

"Wait, you did?!" Hobbes asked.

"When?!" Calvin added eagerly.

Andy and Sherman glared at them. "Hey, we have lives outside of this little group, you know," Sherman snapped.

"Yeah, we don't just disappear until you need backup for _your_ wacky tomfoolery!" Andy agreed.

"Teleporter's ready, Sherman," MTM announced. "All set?"

Sherman grabbed his camera, which had an ultraviolet lightbulb in its flash. "Ready."

There was a zap of electricity, and the hamster and his new toy experienced a rush of particles being rearranged until they were reassembled outside on the port outside the ship.

Peering down at the Shadowfax was a lot less fun without the safety of the viewscreen in the way. However, he needn't have worried. They were all a tad focused on trying to attack the Earth, so they didn't notice him.

That was a problem. Sherman needed their attention. They needed to be looking directly into the light to get the full affect. His beady little eyes flitted this way and that, trying to find a way to get them looking at him. He scanned the entirety of the ledge he was on. In zero gravity, there wasn't going to be a lot of loose things sitting around. He couldn't make any noise – what with noise in space not being all that noisy.

With hardly any looking in his direction, the hamster weighed up his options. He didn't take what he was about to do lightly, but he needed them looking at the camera. He took a deep breath, hoped someone he didn't believe in was smiling on him, and then he did it.

He launched himself off the ledge and hurtled off in the direction of the Shadowfax. He knew the MTM could probably recall him back to the ship if things got a bit dicey, but for the moment, he was freaking out. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming as he tumbled end over end, hoping he didn't lose his grip on the camera.

As he came nearer, the Shadowfax were growing tired, and a few turned their glowing eyes in the hamster's direction. They were momentarily befuddled by the odd sight of a hamster wearing a spacesuit holding a camera, but as more and more of them turned to look, the hungrier they became. It was a tiny morsel, but it might give them a much-needed energy boost required for smashing through force fields.

As more and more eyes fixated on him, Sherman steeled his resolve. He knew when the right moment would be. The moment they started to charge.

"Come on…," he hissed to himself, swallowing down a lump of panic. "Let's see those big dumb baby blues…"

The Shadowfax continued to turn and see him, and it wasn't long before most of the swarm was watching.

They started to charge.

Sherman raised the camera and closed his eyes. "Say cheese."

There was a flash of light that would've blinded anyone not ready for it.

Taking a few moments to make sure it was truly gone, Sherman opened his eyes again, and to his delight, he saw the Shadowfax had vanished in an instant. He swiveled around to look, and he spotted the tail end of the swarm disappearing into the vast nether regions of space.

A few seconds later, there was a flash of light that popped him right back into the ship, where everyone was cheering. Andy ran up to him and scooped him up into a great big hug that was carefully calculated _not_ to crush his tiny hamster spine.

"Don't ever scare me like that!" he cried, holding his friend close. "For crying out loud, you know I can't stand it when you pull stunts like that!"

"Hey, you didn't worry that much when I was bungee jumping last summer," Sherman retorted with a knowing grin.

"Call me crazy, but a five hundred foot drop isn't nearly as frightening as a drop that goes on forever."

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all looked at each other in bewilderment.

"We _really_ need to start hanging out with these guys more," Socrates muttered.

* * *

Chill stumbled around the neighborhood, searching for something. He still wasn't sure what. He knew he was brainwashed, that he needed to find and recapture Calvin, but he couldn't find him if he wasn't on the planet, so he had to settle for wandering around until the boy was within reasonable distance of him again. He'd gotten a few hours' sleep behind one of the abandoned houses, and now he was on his way towards Calvin's house again to try and see if the kid had returned yet.

He caught sight of the battle between the Brainstorm family and the aliens, but it wasn't nearly as intense as it had been earlier. There were only two aliens at the moment, and the Brainstorms were standing behind a small force field discussing plans and tactics over a card table. Frank and Sheila were bickering about who should get to blow everything up while Mrs. Brainstorm bellowed at them to behave themselves during the end of the world, and Mr. Brainstorm supplied her with snacks.

Chill staggered off towards Calvin's house, but he couldn't help but notice that there was a bit more movement inside. He could see the parents wandering about while Uncle Max continued to fiddle with the smart phone he'd had the night before. Deciding that maybe now was a bad time to visit, he turned for one of the other houses.

Peering through the windows, he couldn't see anyone. There was no car in the driveway. Maybe it was empty. Deciding he'd take a chance, he went up the front step and tried the door handle. Disappointingly, it was locked. Of course, being a criminal, he knew a thing or two about breaking and entering. He pulled an old screwdriver out of his pocket and proceeded to jimmy the lock until he could turn the knob.

Peeking inside, he found this house to be a step up from Calvin's. All the technology was _definitely_ twenty-first century, and there was a sense of a much less stressed out household from how neat and tidy everything was. Maybe he'd find better stuff to steal from this place instead.

Stepping through the living room, he found himself peering into the kitchen first. Upon furthering his way inside, he quickly found that things were a tad messier in here. Food had been left rotting for quite a while, and there were a few loose papers that had been scattered, not to mention some muddied footprints all over the place. No doubt the inhabitants had been in a frenzy since the neighborhood had been invaded.

Moving quietly about the place, he walked through to the next room, which seemed to be some sort of office, but unlike the other place, this had a modern computer with a flat-screen monitor and cordless keyboard and mouse combo. He looked everything over, impressed.

Unknown to him, he was not as alone as he thought. There was a recliner in the corner of the room by a bookcase. Hiding behind it was Susie Derkins. The little girl had gone into hiding while her parents went out for supplies, and she was doing her best not to cry. She had been about to come out when the battle outside had quieted down, but as soon as she'd heard the sound of the door being forced open, she'd returned to her hiding place. Now she was watching Chill nervously from behind the chair, hoping he'd just steal the computer and leave like the looter she thought he was.

Chill fiddled with a few things on the desk, observing them for monetary value, when he noticed the computer again, and he remembered something important. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the flash drive he'd found in Calvin's house. Shrugging, he turned the monitor on and plugged it into the USB port. When the computer recognized it and put up the necessary menu on the screen, he clicked through it until the main menu came up.

There was a single video file waiting for him. Raising an eyebrow, he clicked on it, and the file opened.

The video came to life and showed him footage of a stuffed tiger sitting in someone's front lawn. It was clearly filmed on a smart phone, and rather clumsily at that, but the stuffed tiger sat perfectly still for a long time. Chill stared at it in confusion.

Then the shot changed, and now there was a simple hamster staring off into space, occasionally looking in different direction and sniffing the air.

Next was a shot of another stuffed tiger, this time sitting in what was clearly Calvin's bedroom, on top of the bed. There was a solid twenty seconds of that.

Finally, there was a shot of a human boy with brown hair. It was Andy. He sat awkwardly for a moment before he looked at someone off-camera.

" _Now?_ " he asked, and after receiving a silent answer, he continued, " _Okay. Hi, Calvin! Andy here! Bet your birthday is going to be amazing! I remember when_ I _turned seven… Of course, it was almost fourteen years ago, but meh, whatever. It's a time of great change and great opportunity. Of course, being homeschooled, I know very little about the particulars of second grade, but if you have any worries about getting older, just ask me, and I'll tell you all the secrets I can. After all, I'm only two years older. Well, one and a half. Kind of. Man, this is complicated…_ _Anyway! Happy seventh birthday, Calvin!_ "

He smiled awkwardly for a moment as his eyes looked off-camera again.

There was a long silence. Susie waited for more.

But there was no more. She peeked out from behind the chair.

She saw that Chill was still sitting at the desk. He had his hand on the mouse, having paused the video with it. He stared blankly at the screen. She couldn't tell what was going on in his head, but something had clearly changed. Instead of the nervous danger he had exuded earlier, a calm had seemingly washed over him.

For a few seconds, he didn't move. He just sat there, staring at the screen. After nearly a whole minute, he slowly got up and slouched away, apparently in a daze. He wandered back through the kitchen, and a few moments later, the sound of the door slamming echoed throughout the house.

Susie finally felt safe enough to climb out of her hiding place. She went over to her dad's computer and looked at the video. She was very confused, but she knew that this video was for Calvin's birthday. If he ever came back, she'd better make sure it was there for him when he did. She closed the video, unplugged the flash drive and pocketed it.

* * *

 _Christmas Day_

 _It had been five days since the battle that had claimed their friend._

 _John and Rupert sat in their shelter. They had barely spoken since the battle. The two brothers sat with their backs to each other._

 _John didn't know what to say. His heart was broken for his friend, but his brother had been in some sort of fog the entire time they'd been at base camp. He hadn't said or done anything remotely patriotic or annoying, and that was very worrying. He_ had _noticed that Rupert kept reading the letter he'd taken off Nick's body._

 _He threw a glance at his brother, who didn't look up. He was still staring at the letter._

" _Hey," John said quietly. "How're you doing, bro?"_

 _Rupert didn't look up. He just grunted._

 _John tried again. "Talk to me, Rupert. You can't just bottle it up."_

 _A few tense seconds ticked by before the other man spoke._

"… _His son is going to be seven years old soon…"_

 _John closed his eyes in despair. "I know…"_

" _His wife was so proud… The school was considering skipping this kid ahead to second grade in January."_

" _Must be a bright kid."_

" _They can't wait for him to come home so he can see how tall he's gotten."_

 _John eyed his brother carefully. His hands were trembling as he clutched the letter. His eyes were red. He was brimming with anger._

" _Rupert, you need to calm down. I've seen you. When you're not snapping at everyone, you're quiet as an oyster. I know it's hard. It's been hard for me, too. But you need to think rationally."_

" _Think rationally?!" Rupert practically exploded. "How can I think rationally?! Our best friend is_ dead _! Dead and rotting on some battlefield! And for what? So a bunch of uppity politicians and generals can feel good about themselves? That man had a family! A wife and child! A home! A life! And now it's gone because the world decided that the_ war _was more important than all of that!"_

 _He stood there, panting heavily at the end of his speech. It amazed both brothers that he'd said all of that. It was only a week ago he'd been spouting the latest propaganda fed to them by the government about what an important job they were doing protecting their country._

 _But now reality was starting to show itself. Nick's death had shattered the illusions Rupert had cast around himself to feel safe._

 _John looked the other man up and down. He eyed the pendant dangling from Rupert's jacket pocket, with Nick's son's birthstone in it._

" _Rupert…," he said quietly, his voice cracking._

 _But Rupert simply turned away and stood at the mouth of the shelter, looking out across the warzone._

 _Sighing heavily, John sat in silence for a few moments. Then, he grabbed his bag and pulled out a few sheets of paper and a pencil. "I think I'll write to his wife," he said. "Write her a letter. Tell her how brave he was, and that he was always thinking about her."_

 _Rupert grunted. "… Yeah…"_

 _Satisfied for the time that his brother was calm, John turned to a nearby rock and started writing his letter._

 _He was so focused that he didn't look up at the footsteps walking off into the distance, figuring that his brother had just gone for a bathroom break or to get some provisions or just a walk to clear his head._

 _He didn't know that he wouldn't be seeing his brother again for many years after that._


	13. Follower Forces

Rupert slouched in his commander's chair, staring at the teleporter pad impatiently.

This infuriating battle had somehow managed to continue for twenty hours now. The plan had been to use Calvin's neighborhood to announce their plans to Earth and then obliterate it in an effort to break his spirit. If all his friends and family were killed, surely that would take the fight out of him. He'd be utterly at Rupert's mercy.

Unfortunately, that Brainstorm buffoon had swooped in and ruined everything.

Not only that, but he'd gotten his _family_ involved. He really wished this was one of those planets where the inhabitants reproduced asexually and didn't have much concept of family. This whole kinship thing was _such_ a massive pain.

At last, he was relatively pleased to see a flicker of energy on the pad, and a moment later, the molecules of Earl reassembled themselves in his presence. His Captain slithered down and saluted.

"Status report?" Rupert droned.

"Seems the Brainstorms are finally running out of ammo," Earl replied. "The crew are holding their own, but they have to rest once in a while. We've mostly been taking it in shifts."

Rupert sat up in his chair to stretch a kink out of his neck. He glanced out the Plexiglas viewscreen at the world outside. "Is that morning or evening for this planet?"

"Morning, sir. It was night a while ago, remember?"

"Meh. It's all a blur. So it's almost time to take that family of fools down?"

"I'd say so. They're almost out of power."

"Finally! Come on! Let's get down there and finish this! Have the whole crew ready for a mass attack!"

They boarded the teleporter pad again, and they both beamed down.

Jack and Jacqueline were growing very tired, which was amazing for a pair of robots. They were projecting a force field from their own respective batteries, but it was starting to fail.

Across from them were Biff and Tim. Both were exhausted, but they were still firing their lasers at them. All the other aliens were asleep in a heap a short distance away. This fight had been going on for so long that they simply didn't have the energy anymore.

Dr Brainstorm and his family were similarly exhausted. Mr. and Mrs. Brainstorm were passed out on the ground, snuggled up to each other, while Sheila lay flat on her stomach, trying to keep her eyes open.

Frank, however, was determined to keep going. He was on the verge of passing out, but he didn't dare even sit down. He was trying to find new ways to keep his weapons working, having to recharge them using his ship's battery, but now even _that_ was beginning to run out of power.

Sheila rolled over onto her back and noticed her brother was standing by the ship, with his Servant Ray hooked up to the ship's battery. She also noticed that Jack and Jacqueline were starting to spark with electricity, not holding up all that well, and the force field was flickering a bit. Shards of plasmic energy were starting to get through from the aliens' weapons.

Groaning to herself, she steadily got up to her feet and staggered over towards her brother. "Frank, for crying out loud," she hissed. "Sit down and rest. I'll handle it for a while."

"No!" he snapped. "I'm not leaving _you_ in charge! You'll just screw everything up!"

"Hey! I've been helping you for over _half a day_ now! I think I'm capable of blasting a few intergalactic octopuses for a few hours while you get some sleep!"

"Look, the 'bots don't have much power left! Their force field isn't going to hold out much longer! When that happens, I want you to get back in the rocket, take our parents with you and get out of here. There's an emergency backup battery in storage so you can still get home."

"What?! You expect me to just leave you here so you can have all the glory?!"

"Glory?! Sheila, I'm prepared to die horribly in a humongous fireball, and you think I'm making a swipe at 'glory'?"

"Well, at least _you_ will have a future to go back to! _I'm_ the one who's clearly never going to move out of our parents' house and have a life of my own!"

That brought Dr Brainstorm up short. He stared at his little sister in bemusement, and after a moment, he noticed her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"Sheila…," he said quietly.

"Yeah! So why don't you let me do something worthwhile with my stupid life and _let me do this_?!"

She grabbed at the charging Servant Ray and tried to wrestle it away, but her brother seemed to have renewed energy as he frantically held onto it and tried to push her away.

They were interrupted by Jack's voice. "Er… kids? We got company!"

The two siblings froze and turned to look in the direction of the robots. Just through the force field, they saw what was happening.

Rupert and Earl were slithering towards them, holding massive laser guns.

"Seems your little family is losing the battle, Brainstorm," Rupert said with a slimy grin.

"A temporary setback, I'll have you know!" Dr Brainstorm snapped in response, still trying to get the Servant Ray back from Sheila. "We're _totally_ still going to win this thing! We just might… have to… _not_ win for a while before we actually _do_ win!"

"Real threatening, Frank," Jack muttered.

"Shush," admonished Jacqueline. "He's under a lot of stress right now."

Rupert ignored them as he loaded his ray gun. "Earl, how strong would you say that force field is right now?"

"On the verge of collapse, I'd say," Earl replied, eyeing the flickering shield. "One good laser blast could potentially shatter it, disabling the robots as well."

"Leaving these humans vulnerable to destruction?"

"I'd say so."

"Good. Then let's get down to business."

Their weapons whirred into life, and they took aim.

Jack and Jacqueline looked back at Frank and Sheila for some sort of direction, but for once, both Brainstorm siblings were at a loss for words. They could only look back helplessly as they waited for the end to come.

The sound of laser fire rang out across the neighborhood, and horrified screams echoed everywhere.

Mr. and Mrs. Brainstorm were jolted awake by the noise.

"What the heck…?!" Mr. Brainstorm exclaimed, only for Mrs. Brainstorm to roll over on top of him. They looked towards their children in shock.

Frank and Sheila were definitely stunned into silence.

Jack and Jacqueline stared straight ahead in amazement.

A bunch of lasers had suddenly rained down, bounced off the pavement and sent Rupert and Earl flying backwards, knocking over the rest of the crew like bowling pins.

Rupert sat up, his anger freshly replenished. "Oh, what _now_?!" he bellowed.

The Brainstorm family looked at each other in bemusement. None of them knew what had happened.

Jack found his voice. "Er… Frank?"

"Dr Brainstorm! What?"

"… Wasn't that the Bounce Gun?"

Dr Brainstorm blinked through his confusion before comprehension dawned. "Hey, yeah! But how? We left that back at the lab!"

Then a voice rang out somewhere above them.

" _We live to serve you, Dr Brainstorm!_ "

Everyone looked up and saw, hovering above them from the Beanie Copter, was Larry – president of Dr Brainstorm's fan club! The older man slowly came in for a landing!

Dr Brainstorm finally let go of the charging Servant Ray and ran over to him, taking the Beanie Copter off his head. "What the Sam scratch are _you_ doing here?!" he shouted. "I _told_ you to stay at the lab where it was safe!"

"We were watching the battle on the monitor!" Larry replied. "We realized we couldn't just leave you to die horribly! You still have to show us the way, Master Brainstorm!"

"Oh, _brother_!" Sheila grumbled, rolling her eyes in despair.

"So where are the rest of the fan club?" Jacqueline asked.

Larry pulled a familiar cube out of his shirt pocket.

"My storage cube?!" Dr Brainstorm exclaimed. "But that thing's always jamming!"

"We figured out how to make it work! Some light lubrication did the trick!"

Larry turned the cube upside down, and out slid all the other members of the fan club, all of them landing in a messy pile on the road.

"Wow!" said a middle-aged woman. "That butter really did the trick!"

"Butter?" Dr Brainstorm asked.

"Oh yeah," Larry said. "They all bathed in butter before entering!"

Everyone stared at him incredulously.

"Darn it," Mrs. Brainstorm grumbled. "I'm hungry _again_!"

"Not to worry, Mother of our Ruler!" Larry announced. "We'll dine in _victory_ tonight!"

Rupert had by now gathered his sense and hurriedly picked up his laser gun. "DIE!" he bellowed, squeezing the trigger.

Fortunately, another of the fan club – a middle-aged woman – had in her hands a small device that, once squeezed, produced a massive force field that absorbed the laser. Then, a young man pulled out the Mag-o-Matic and pressed the button. Somebody's mailbox suddenly wrenched itself from its mooring and flew straight at Rupert, hitting him upside the head, and causing him to drop the gun.

"What the heck is happening?" Rupert demanded.

"Looks like a bunch of humans messing around with advanced technology that will surely destroy us all," Lenny said. "I wanna play, too!"

The aliens all started yelling in excitement as they all slithered past Rupert and Earl towards the group.

"They're attacking!" a young man panicked, pulling out another device. It was the Gravi-Tron 500. He pushed the button, and a field expanded around the aliens. All of them went hurtling up into the air, suspended a good ten feet above the others.

"Wow!" Biff exclaimed. "This is so wicked _awesome_!"

Erne began slithering in place. "Look! I'm moon-slithering!"

"I'm gonna do a flip! Watch me flip! Everyone watch me flip!" cried Luke, trying pathetically to do a backflip.

While Rupert and Earl were staring in horror at their clowns in the sky, Dr Brainstorm brought Sheila over towards Jack and Jacqueline.

"What're we doing?" she asked.

"C'mon, sis," he replied. "While they're distracted, we can rig up a transmitter that can disable their weapons."

"What? How?"

"Well, think for a minute. Jack and Jacqueline can transmit signals like computers. It's how they're sustaining the force field."

"Right…," Sheila said slowly. Then her eyes widened as she cottoned onto the plan. "Oh… You're saying…?"

"Exactly that! Come on. We need to recharge them so it can work. Jack, Jacqueline – deactivate the force field."

The two robots sighed with euphoric relief and slumped as they deactivated the force field between them. Frank and Sheila caught them and brought them over to the ship.

Meanwhile, Rupert and Earl were too busy trying to get their crew back on solid ground. At one point, Earl tried to attack the guy holding the Gravi-Tron 500, but the guy was constantly protected by other members of the group, and each one had a weapon of some sort. One woman had a device that seemed to skip Earl through time back about ten seconds, and he found himself getting zapped back several feet and having to start running again. It wasn't long before he was out of breath.

The Brainstorm siblings pulled the spare battery for the rocket down and brought two sets of jumper cables. Donning some rubber gloves, they proceeded to hook the two robots up to the battery.

"Okay, you two," Dr Brainstorm said quietly. "Can't guarantee that this isn't going to hurt."

"Very sweet of you, Frank," Jacqueline said kindly.

"Yeah, sweet. Whatever," Jack muttered. "Let's hurry before the aliens make reduce your fan club to an obituaries column."

"Activating the battery!" Sheila announced, plugging them in.

Jack and Jacqueline felt the harsh buzz of the battery's electric juice flow through them, causing them both to go stiff for a few seconds and making them glow like frightened angel fish.

"Come on, you idiots!" Rupert shouted at his crew. "Just because you're floating doesn't mean you can't _kill them_! Get your guns out! We can still blast them to cinders!"

The aliens all fumbled for the laser pistols on their uniform belts, but every little movement sent them spinning in circles. A few of them still managed to grab a hold of their weapons anyway.

"Hurry up!" Rupert bellowed. "Before it's too late!"

Earl, however, chanced a glance at the Brainstorms, and he went paler than usual when he saw Jack and Jacqueline were standing hand-in-hand, holding up their other arms, which were crackling with electricity that was clearly not good.

"Er… Rupert?"

"What?!"

"It's too late."

Rupert turned and saw the robots. He leveled his laser gun and shouted desperately.

" _FIRE!_ "

But Jack and Jacqueline were just a micro-second faster than they were, and before any lasers could be fired, every single weapon on their side shut down completely in a shower of sparks. The aliens all had to drop their guns in white-hot pain, wailing in agony.

"Ow! That hurt!" Lenny cried.

Rupert and Earl stared at their destroyed weapons in horror before they registered the footsteps coming towards them. Frank and Sheila Brainstorm were walking towards them, looking ready to kick some butt, as did the members of the fan club who were all wielding their still-working weapons.

"So…," Dr Brainstorm said mock-casually as he whipped out his Servant Ray. "What were we doing?"

"I believe we were about to eradicate these vermin from our planet," Sheila replied.

"I do believe you're right. Unless, of course, they want to retreat? Would _really_ save us the trouble."

"Not to mention the power. Although, we could always take a taxi home…"

Rupert glared at them furiously. "We'll be back," he hissed. He didn't even look at Earl as he said, "Activate teleporter."

"Teleporter activating," Earl replied, pressing a button on his uniform.

Rupert, Earl and all the alien crew each disappeared in a flash of light, leaving their ruined weapons behind.

"Well done, kids!" Mr. Brainstorm exulted, clapping as he approached them. "You see? I always told you two that working together helps you bring down your enemies!"

Frank and Sheila looked at each other awkwardly. Getting along was a new thing for them, even if it was in order to save the world from aliens.

Jacqueline, already feeling much better, enveloped Sheila in a big hug. "Oh, Sheila, I _knew_ you could do it!"

Sheila winced – partly from embarrassment and partly because metallic hugs are bit painful – and tried to shrug her off. "Yeah, yeah, enough," she grumbled. "Let's not get all mushy!"

"Agreed," Dr Brainstorm grumbled. "Jack – I order you not to hug me."

"Literally wouldn't dream of it," Jack replied, looking vaguely repulsed.

Mrs. Brainstorm waddled over to her two children. "They're right, though," she said firmly. "We've no time for celebrations! You'll note that spaceship hasn't gone anywhere yet! Those aliens aren't finished yet! They'll be back, and we've got to be ready!"

"Yes, _thank you_ , Mother," Dr Brainstorm said. "So we need to start weaponizing whatever we have left that still works."

"We may have to get creative with the power sources of all these devices," Sheila added, eyeing the fan club.

"So you admit my fan club is pretty cool?"

"Not in a million years. But they _did_ come on in handy."

Larry bowed humbly. "We live to serve Master Brainstorm," he said reverentially.

Dr Brainstorm winced. "Gotta say – this being worshiped thing is starting to look kinda creepy," he whispered to Jack.

"Who would've thought?" Jack smirked.

Just then, Jack's head started vibrating, causing everyone to look at him in surprise.

"What's that?" asked Mr. Brainstorm.

"Sorry, we've got a call coming in," Jack replied.

Dr Brainstorm groaned. "Guh! It better not be another telemarketer! _Always_ when I'm in the midst of battle…!"

He snatched removed a section of Jack's head, which turned out to be a cordless phone. "Hello?"

" _Frank, it's the MTM. Hold your fire. We've got a plan of our own…_ "

* * *

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" Rupert roared at the crew, having returned safely to the mother ship. "WE WERE MADE _FOOLS_ OF DOWN THERE!"

"I mean, that's nothing new," Lenny interjected.

"SHUT UP!" Rupert screamed, flinging spit into Lenny's cringing face. "IF YOU SAY ONE MORE THING, I WILL THROW YOU OFF THE SHIP, LENNY!"

Lenny simply nodded. Earl was standing behind this entire exchange in observant silence. For once, his expression did not display his thoughts as he looked back and forth between Rupert and Lenny. Rupert was taking no notice to this, however, as he stormed towards a wall and began punching buttons on the console before it, causing several pedestals of different laser type weapons to lift up from the floor and display themselves to the crew.

"Prepare for a second attack!" he growled. "We're going back down there in ten minutes! Anyone not ready at that point is getting expelled from this crew! MOVE IT!"  
The crew hurriedly obliged, racing to their own respective weapons, and fumbling to get them unlatched from the metal chambers. Along the way, Biff and Erne successfully tripped over each other twice, and Bill managed to drop all of the weapons he attempted to pick up.

Rupert took his own ray gun and holstered it, giving another glare at the crew. "What is their stupid problem, now?" he rumbled eyeing their clear clumsiness and fumbling.

"They're tired," Earl suddenly said.

Rupert paused, then turned and looked Earl up and down as if he had just noticed him.

"Tired?" he repeated, mockingly. "Since when do you care about their complaints?"

"They haven't been complaining," Earl said. "You only need to watch them for a minute. Some of them haven't had more than fifteen hours of rest in the last three days."

"Yes! And that is because we are _SO CLOSE_!" Rupert growled, getting ominously closer to the captain. "We have secured the Earth Potentate's home town and… and…"

There was a moment of silence, as Rupert and Earl stared at each other. In that moment, an unexpected voice of reason suddenly arose.

"It's taken us this much effort to just take over _one town_?"

Rupert and Earl slowly turned their heads and stared at Carl, who was readily holding his own laser rifle, and staring at Rupert with an uneasy and yet unexpectedly annoyed expression.

"If this is what it's like trying to take over a small place… What's gonna happen when we move on to _bigger_ places?"

Earl blinked several times and tilted his head. It was perhaps one of the most intelligent things he had ever heard any of his crew say, and it certainly took him by surprise. As the shock finally wore off, he finally decided to add to it.

"It may inspire the planet's military defenses to fight back," he said, blankly. "Something we've always been able to avoid with our previous stealth invasions."

For a long while, Rupert didn't respond. He simply stared past Carl with an empty expression no one could read. Several crew members exchanged glances and worried shrugs as they waited for direction on what to do next.

"Well the stealth invasions didn't work, Earl," Rupert finally said in an unsettlingly calm voice. "How many times are we going to try the same thing over and over again, before we realize we need a new plan?"

"How many times are we going to try and take over this planet before we realize it's not worth it?" Earl replied.

"BECAUSE THIS PLANET RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO ME!" Rupert screeched causing the crew to flinch and take a few steps back in fear. "I WILL NOT LET THE BOY WIN! NOT AFTER ALL THIS TIME! _Not_ … after all this _time_ …"

Rupert trailed off and wandered over to the main console and leaned against it, staring off into space and mumbling to himself incoherently.

Earl watched him for a moment, before we walked over and placed his tentacle over Rupert's shoulder.

"Sir, I have served with you for over thirty-five years." He said. "You've been an inspiration to myself and many others, and your determination and unbreakable will is that to be admired."

Rupert gave him a suspicious look.

"It's not worth it, Rupert," Earl continued. "We've been at this for almost twelve years, now... But Earth's defenses are too much for us. Don't lose yourself to a single planet. We can still make a comeback."

"There _is_ no defenses that are powerful enough to stop us!" Rupert screamed, slamming his fist on the console. "And if you are not willing to fight with me, I will have to excuse you as Captain, Earl! Am I making myself clear?"

Earl closed his eyes in defeat and removed his tentacle from Rupert. "Very much so, your highness," he deadpanned.

"Good! FIVE MINUTES PEOPLE!" Rupert roared, standing back up. "I WANT EVERYONE AT THE TELEPORTER PAD IN THAT TIME AND NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU BETTER GIVE ME ANY…"

Rupert was suddenly interrupted by a sporadic beeping from the console behind him. He and Earl both looked down to see a light blinking next to an obvious radar screen.

"Is that… another ship?" Rupert demanded.

Earl squinted his eyes and got closer to the screen.

"Did we send for reinforcements? I… can't say I remember…," Rupert said, rubbing his temple.

"They're not reinforcements," Earl said, typing a few commands into the computer. "It's a Horatian Battle Ship. It just broke the atmosphere."

Rupert chuckled. "The Horatians are here to join the party, eh? That's fine, that's fine… We can handle them."

"They're sending us a transmission." Earl said. "Shall I let it through?"

"Yeah, sure whatever…," Rupert grumbled.

Earl pressed a button, causing the screen above them to light up with a bright still image.

The aliens all gazed up at it for a long moment. From within the crew, a few snickers were heard as well as the usual confused grunts. Earl sighed. He knew what was coming after this. Rupert's eyes widened to the point of blood vessels showing as he gritted his teeth in a primal rage that only one person could instill in him at the point.

The transmission was a photo of Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin was pulling his cheeks apart while extending his tongue as far out as it would go, while Hobbes was using his forefingers to shove his eyebrows up, while extending his bottom lip out as far as possible.

Earl threw a glance at Rupert, who still had not said anything. Finally he did.

"Fitting he came to see it all end," he growled.


	14. Violent Vandalism

**Author's Notes:** _This is the chapter I've been wanting to write for the whole story!_

* * *

There was a flash of electricity on the road, and Rupert and Earl appeared in Calvin's neighborhood, toting a pair of heavy duty laser pistols. They stood back-to-back, scanning the entire place.

"Any sign of him?" Rupert whispered.

"None," Earl replied, narrowing his eyes. "But this is where the scanners indicated his presence."

They had landed in a somewhat rundown section of the neighborhood. A lot of empty old houses, some of which hadn't been used in years. They could hear crickets chirping in the distance, a few birds flying past, but no signs of the boy.

"It's too quiet," Earl hissed. "We should've brought the crew. If nothing else, they could defuse the tension."

"No way," Rupert replied shortly. "I'm not about to let those fools mess this up. This is how it ends. This is how Calvin dies – right here, right now, just us against him. He will be reduced to ash where he stands."

They stood in silence for a few more seconds, keeping a sharp eye out.

"… Where the heck _is_ everyone?" Earl wondered. "No humans running around at all!"

"Probably ran to the far end of town," Rupert replied.

"And what about that Brainstorm fool and his idiot family? Where the heck have _they_ disappeared to?"

"I'd prefer not to think about them right now. I just want to focus on the task at hand."

"Yeah, but isn't it odd that they've just…?"

Then, Earl noticed something rolling across the pavement towards him. "Wait… something's coming."

"What is it?"

"Don't know yet… Something small. Metallic. Round. It's headed straight for us."

Rupert slowly turned around and saw the object in question. It was indeed round and metallic – almost like a marble. It was slowly making its way towards them, travelling in a perfect line, and even weirder, it wasn't losing any momentum. When it _did_ finally reach them, it came to a stop but a few feet away from them, halting like it had decided to.

For a few seconds nothing happened.

Both aliens leveled their weapons at it for a long time, ready in case it was about to attack them.

Then, a point of light erupted from it, forming a bright white line that stood about three feet tall, causing them to both jump back in alarm. The line flickered with radio interference before it expanded and took a three-dimensional shape.

It took the shape of Calvin. He smiled and waved at them. "Hi, guys!"

"YOU!" Rupert bellowed.

He fired a laser on pure instinct, but it simply passed through Calvin, briefly causing the image to flicker.

"It's a hologram," Earl grumbled. "The object is a projection device."

"A _hologram_ ," Rupert sneered before yelling to the buildings around him. "Get out here and show yourself, you coward! Stand before me and take your death with dignity instead of shivering in fear! Face me! Now!"

The hologram of Calvin smirked. "Yeah, I'm _totally_ going to just walk out into the open and get shot. Absolutely. Has that ever worked on _any_ of your previous enemies?"

"Get out here so we can finish this!"

"Would totally love to 'finish this', as you say, Rupert, but see, here's the thing – you're a little too excited right now."

"… What?"

"You're a tad overeager to finish this job. I mean, you guys have _always_ been excited to kill me, but this is getting a tad macabre, even for _me_. And I make snowmen that are in the process of eating other snowmen! So how about you calm down a bit, huh? Take a few deep breaths, recite a few mantras, sing a few campfire songs and pop a couple chill pills, okay? Then, we'll get down to brass tax."

Rupert grit his teeth. "Don't you _dare_ patronize me, you tiny little _speck_ ," he hissed. "Not after everything you've put me through."

Calvin raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly have I 'put you through'?" he asked.

"You've forced me to chase after you, worked us all to the point of madness, had me trapped in a human body for _months_ , caused the upheaval of my entire empire, and all just so I can finally claim this _stinking_ little planet!"

"Right…," Calvin said slowly. "Meanwhile, _you_ have terrorized me and my friends, have tried to outright kill us multiple times, threatened to enslave my people, stranded me and Hobbes on a cruise ship whereupon we almost killed each other, and now you've possibly scarred several innocent people for life, including my own family. All just so you can finally claim this stinking little planet."

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

"So I'm pretty much _not_ sorry for all I've put _you_ through."

Rupert gritted his teeth and leaned in close to the projection. "If you'd just died in the very beginning, _none_ of that would have to have happened. Now get out here so we can _finish this_."

Calvin smirked again. "I've got a better idea. Why don't _you_ come to _me_?"

Rupert looked thrown. "What?"

"Yes, why don't you? I've got so many ideas on how we can end this, so just come join me and we'll get started! I'm currently located at – "

Rupert suddenly jumped back and fired his laser pistol at the projector, blowing it up and silencing the transmission, causing the hologram to flicker and disappear.

Earl stared at the new hole in the road in shock. "Wha…? What did you…? Why'd you…? He was… WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO _THAT_ FOR?!" he shrieked.

"I won't play his game," Rupert replied tightly.

"What game? He was about to tell us where he was!"

"No, don't you see? It's a trap!"

"Very probably, but we've got these _guns_ , you see…," Earl grumbled, holding his own laser pistol up for emphasis.

"It's a trick! It's all a trick!" Rupert hissed. "He's got some big _plan_ up his sleeve! Some crazy scheme to take us down! He _always_ has some kind of plan! He's got something! He's… What was that?"

Earl blinked and looked around. "What was what?"

"I heard something moving over there!"

Rupert pointed with his pistol in the direction of an old tree.

"I don't see anything…," Earl said uncertainly.

"No, of course you don't! Because the boy's made himself invisible! He was there the whole time! I _knew_ I heard his voice coming from over there!"

He fired his laser gun, and the tree erupted into flaming splinters that rained down on the ground.

The two aliens stared at the spot in silence.

"… I don't think he was there," Earl said flatly.

"Well, darn it all, he's here _somewhere_!" Rupert roared. "I'm going to find that tiny little worm if I have to tear this whole planet apart just _looking_ for him!"

"Your Highness, I don't think…"

"He's over there!"

Rupert suddenly opened fire on a nearby house that exploded in a huge fireball. Wood and mortar came raining down as well.

"Are we just going to do this all day?" Earl sighed, looking a little fed up.

"Yes! If we have to! I'll burn this whole place down!"

Then, either because he heard something or just out of spite, Rupert fired his laser at a lamppost, causing it to come crashing down.

"Maybe the boy's right," Earl grumbled. "You need one of those 'chill pill' things he mentioned."

"SHUT UP! I'M _FINE_!"

"Oh dear, what a _mess_ ," Calvin remarked, tutting at the broken glass.

They both whirled around, and there he was – flesh and blood and _not_ a hologram – shaking his head over the broken streetlight.

"The street sweepers have their work cut out for them," he remarked.

Without missing a beat, Rupert drew his laser pistol and fired.

Imagine his disappointment when Calvin seemed to just blink out of existence, leaving not even a trace that he had been there. The laser simply flew through the air and took out a stop sign on the street corner behind him.

Rupert's eye twitched. "No… No!" he shrieked. "No, he…! How did he do that?!"

Earl looked around. "More importantly, where is he now?"

"Over here!"

They whirled around, and there he was! Directly behind them and waving cheerfully!

Rupert fired again, but Calvin disappeared again, and the laser blew up another house, causing it to collapse in smoke and flame.

"Sir, I think it would be to calm down and think rationally," Earl said, not impressed by the smoldering remains.

"No! I can get him! We just have to wait until the right moment!"

"You ought to listen to your captain, Rupert," Calvin said, having appeared ninety degrees to the left.

Rupert swung around and fired just as he disappeared again, causing a mailbox to go flying through the air. That was how it would go. Every time he heard Calvin's voice, he'd turn in that direction and zap his gun. Calvin would pop out of existence for a bit, and the blast would blow something up.

"If you'd just – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – take a minute – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – to listen to – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – me, you might notice that – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – this isn't working. You – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – need to stop try – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – ing to kill me and – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – realize how pointless this – "

Zap. Pop. Blam.

" – is!"

Zap. Pop. Blam.

Zap. Blam.

Zap. Blam.

Zap. Blam.

"Your Highness, he's not appearing anymore!" Earl shouted. "You need to stop – _HEY!_ "

Earl was forced to duck as his king proceeded to just turn in every direction, firing frantically. He didn't clearly didn't care anymore. He had severed ties to reality. He was just firing every time he turned. Perhaps he was just seeing visions of Calvin in his mind, taunting him, goading him. This was getting out of control. He really had no choice now.

He tapped a button on his wrist-communicator.

"Captain to ship! Captain to ship!"

After a moment, Biff's voice rang through. "Hi, Earl! How's it going?"

"Teleport me back up to the ship, you nimrod!"

"Sure thing! We'll bring you both up!"

"No! _Just me_! Rupert will remain here for the time being!"

"Oh! Okay! One to teleport!"

Earl continued to remain crouched on the ground as lasers continued to fire over him until, to his immense relief, the teleporter activated, and he was taken back to the ship.

Rupert remained as he was, firing madly. He didn't even notice that Earl was gone. He just kept firing and firing, blowing up pretty much a good chunk of the neighborhood. He wasn't going to rest until he was certain Calvin was dead.

It was a good thirty seconds before he ran out of steam. The laser blasts grew slower and slower, and the explosions began to die away. He turned a few more times, checking to see if Calvin had appeared yet, but he hadn't. He fired once more at a bush for good measure, but as it burned, he saw nothing inside it.

He realized just how quiet it was again, save for the sounds of flames licking away at whatever it could devour. He stood in the middle of the leveled street, surrounded by fire, panting heavily, looking for all the world like some kind of demon.

"Done yet?"

Just out of the corner of his eye, Rupert saw Calvin had appeared again. He raised his pistol, but Calvin popped out of existence again.

But then, he popped back into existence a few feet away, but now he was lying on the ground, having clearly tripped, and his Time Pauser was skidding away from across the pavement. Just out of reach.

Calvin stared at it in horror, and then at Rupert. He forced a nervous smile.

"Er… hey…," he said awkwardly.

Rupert smiled, showing his razor sharp teeth. "Well…," he said slowly, slithering over to the boy. "Look at this? I win." He began to giggle a tired yet still clearly deranged giggle as he raised his pistol and took aim.

Then, there was a loud _WHACK!_

Rupert went flying off to the side like a softball stand, hitting the ground hard. Before he had time to attack whoever had done that, they did it again, right in his face this time. He yelled in pain.

Someone had just hit him with a very thick tree branch.

He rubbed his compound eyes and looked again. He had just enough time to look before it hit him a third time.

It was Rupert Chill.

The man was clearly looped out of his gourd, with a deranged look in his eye. It almost matched the deranged look in his alien counterpart's eye.

He heaved the branch a fourth time, whacking the alien in the head and sending him back to the pavement.

Rupert finally found his voice. "What are you _doing_?!" he demanded.

Chill glared at him. "I don't care what you did to my brain," he snarled. "I'm not about to let you hurt Nick's boy!"

"… _What?!_ "

Calvin was perplexed as well. "Who?!"

Chill didn't seem to hear him. "Don't worry, kid!" he yelled. "This creep is _mine_!" He swung the branch again, and Rupert was smacked hard over the head.

Rupert attempted to get up, but each time the branch hit him, it was square on the head, which only caused more pain.

In the process of all this happening, he dropped his laser pistol. Calvin saw his chance. He got up, ran over and snatched it up. Then he grabbed the Time Pauser and blinked out of existence again.

Rupert was infuriated, naturally. "You _fool_!" he bellowed, struggling to get up and Chill continued to hit him. "He's gotten away! You were supposed to keep him away from here! You had _one job_!"

Chill didn't seem to hear him. He didn't seem to be aware of anything. He just kept trying to hit Rupert over and over again with the branch.

Neither of them noticed a few flashes lighting up around them. They were force fields with cloaking devices over them, and they had been hiding everybody from them. One by one, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Dr Brainstorm, Jack, Sheila, Jacqueline and their parents all emerged from hiding. They watched all of this in silent wonder.

Calvin reappeared next to Hobbes. He had disassembled the laser pistol and was holding its various pieces in his arms.

"Well!" Calvin said. "You're lucky he turned up, or else _you_ would've had to rescue me."

"Yeah, and all because _someone's_ shoe came untied."

"Oh hush, I'll learn one of these days."

Chill continued to whack Rupert over the head with his branch as the others all slowly encircled them.

"I feel like we should be doing something," said Sherman.

"Yeah, I mean, are we going to let him beat Rupert to death or something?" asked Socrates.

"Sounds a little _too_ gruesome, if you ask me," Andy said distastefully.

"After all the trouble he's put us through, I say we let him," Sheila grumbled, glaring at the alien king.

"Now, now, kitten," Mr. Brainstorm admonished, patting her shoulder. "There's such a thing as going overboard. Come on, everyone give us a hand here…"

The Brainstorm clan slowly moved in around Chill. He was too busy and too demented to really notice them at first. Then, Jack and Jacqueline reached out and managed to grab the branch before he could swing it again, holding it firmly before yanking it out of his hands. He flailed for it, but Dr and Mr. Brainstorm both manhandled him.

"No! Let me go! I'm not going to let him get away with it!" Chill screamed.

"Easy does it now," Mr. Brainstorm said calmly before addressing his wife. "Sweetie? If use your magic fingers, please?"

Mrs. Brainstorm walked over and, with two fingers, applied gentle pressure to Chill's neck, and the man immediately stopped struggling and went limp in their arms.

"How the heck did you do _that_?" Dr Brainstorm asked, amazed.

"Little trick we had when you two were making a fuss and needed a nap," she replied.

"Wait, you Vulcan-neck-pinched us to sleep?!" Sheila exclaimed.

"You two were _very_ loud growing up," Mr. Brainstorm replied with a fond smile.

"It was passed down to me from _my_ mother," Mrs. Brainstorm added.

Hobbes smirked at Calvin. "Maybe she should pass this on to _your_ parents."

Calvin replied with a glare of his own.

The Brainstorms slowly lowered Chill to the sidewalk. He was still conscious, but much more sedated now. They gently laid him out and sat with him for a while.

Satisfied that he was under control, Calvin slowly walked over to Rupert. The large alien lay in a heap on the pavement, several bruises appearing on his body, and one of his compound eyes was swelling shut.

The two foes stared at each other for a long time. Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates all surrounded them in case things got violent, but so far, the alien king was too tired and sore to even move right now. He breathed heavily and tried to at least lift his head.

Calvin put his hands in his pockets and looked down at him. At last, he spoke.

"We can't do this anymore, Rupert," he said quietly.

Rupert narrowed his good eye at the boy but didn't speak.

Calvin continued. "We've been doing this same dance for too long. Oh sure, it was fun at first. Gave us something to do. Something exciting. But it was also just kept between _us_. Now you've gone and threatened my family. Threatened my people. Actually caused damage. So yeah, I'm drawing a line in the sand. This needs to end. Now. Because let me tell you something – I may not be the actual Earth Potentate, but I sure as heck am not about to let you take over my planet."

Rupert glared at him, feeling his strength start to return. "If that's what you want, you should _kill_ me," he practically spat.

Calvin shook his head. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm going to give you a chance. You and your crew are going to leave Earth, whether you like it or not. And then that one last chance takes effect. You go back to Zok, rule over it however you wish, and leave the rest of the universe alone. Because I'll tell you right now – if you're going to try again, it's going to be the _last time_. So you _better_ bring your A-game. Understood?"

Rupert just stared at him for a long moment, as if for the first time really comprehending just what this boy was capable of. He almost felt a shiver staring into his hard eyes – eyes so hard they didn't seem to belong to a mere child. But the moment passed, and his hatred returned as powerful as ever.

Unfortunately, his body felt like that of a limp jellyfish, so he didn't bother pursuing it. He held up his wrist-band and called the ship.

"King to ship. Teleport. Now."

"Okiedokie!" Biff's voice replied cheerfully.

Rupert continued to glare at Calvin as his body faded away and vanished in a blink of light.

Everyone looked at the spot, and then they looked at Calvin. He had his hands in his pockets, and he was thinking hard.

Hobbes put a paw on his shoulder. "You okay?"

Calvin looked up, and upon seeing his friend's concern, he felt a sense of calm wash over him. "Yeah…," he said with a small smile. "I'll be okay."

Dr Brainstorm cleared his throat. "Well, this is all well and good," he said, "but you do know he's just returned to a ship with loads of weapons and could very well just come back down here and kill us, right?"

Calvin and Hobbes just smirked at him.

"We've already seen to that," Hobbes said slyly.


	15. Unbalanced Upturn

There was a flash of light as Earl and the crew looked up and saw the battered Rupert had reappeared before them.

A couple of the crew members happily waved at Rupert, while Earl took a couple steps back, awaiting the inevitable blow up.

Rupert straightened himself up and turned to Earl. For a moment nothing was said, as Earl tried to gauge Rupert's intentions for a moment. Rupert seemed to almost space out as he stared past Earl and out the window of the ship.

"R… Rupert?" Earl started.

"We're changing the plan again," Rupert said, snapping back to reality. "We aren't taking over the Earth."

A short sigh escaped Earl's mouth. "It's the right choice, Rupert," he said. "We can focus on taking back the planets we had before and…"

"Prime all the weapons."

Earl paused and several of the crew members exchanged glances.

"Sir?"

"Prime… all the weapons," Rupert repeated, slowly, the madness beginning to grow in his eyes once again. "We're going to destroy this planet."

Earl stared at Rupert for a short moment of absolute shock, before he finally regained himself.

"Erm... Rupert, I don't think we have the firepower to really destroy an entire planet…," he started.

"Plus that sounds really mean!" Erne interjected. "What if the people on Earth don't want us to destroy it?"

"Have you asked any of them, Erne?" Rupert demanded, shooting a glance at Erne.

Erne reeled back slightly, and looked at the ground, clearly shaken.

"No…," he muttered.

"Good. I have. They said they don't mind. Now prime all the weapons!" Rupert growled.

The crew members exchanged glances of nervousness and confusion, before they all ran to their respective stations and began pushing buttons.

"I don't even know how we would do this!" Lenny whined. "I'm not even at my right station right now!"

"Rupert… The phase cannon and the Ununpentium ray can't be on at the same time! Does that mean I'm not priming all the weapons?" Carl asked.

"Oh for Pete's sake… GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Rupert screamed, shoving the startled Carl away from the console. He punched the side of the wall in frustration before he began flipping switches and turning knobs.

All the while, the ship's internals began to hum in increasingly louder volume.

Earl slowly approached Rupert. "Rupert…?" he started.

"What is it Earl?" Rupert growled.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Probably not."

"Can you just take a moment and take a deep breath in?" Earl continued. "Just think for a moment. Don't do anything rash."

"I have thought about this long enough, Earl!" Rupert roared. "We have tried to enslave this planet for the last twelve years! TWELVE YEARS! I am done with it! If I can't have this planet, then they can't have it either! I will not lose to a six year old boy!"

Suddenly, a deep and rolling alarm began blaring through the ship. Rupert and Earl gazed upwards with Rupert's expression falling deeper into the pit of madness.

"WHAT IS IT NOW?!" he screamed.

"We're being targeted…," Zack said, typing into his own computer terminal. "By… _lots_ of ships."

"WERE YOU NOT MONITORING THE RADAR?"

"Well… I am now, to be fair."

Rupert roared in rage, and slammed his fist on the console, as an image appeared over the window before them, revealing a familiar alien staring down onto them.

Earl raised his head as Rumple stepped forward on the image and cleared his throat. "Rupert Chill, this is Rumple of the fifth Horatian Battle Fleet," he said, sternly.

He waited for a response, but Rupert refused to lift his head from the console. He continued.

"We currently have three dozen battle cruisers locked onto your ship. Some of them are from planetary systems you may remember. You will deactivate your weapons and retreat, or face the destruction of your ship and crew."

Rupert did not respond, but simply remained motionless with his head down and his fists clenched.

Rumple stared at him for a long moment, before he looked up at Earl.

"You are the captain of this ship. What say you?" he inquired.

"We will retreat," Earl deadpanned. "Lenny, set the hyperdrive coordinates for Zok."

"No need," Rumple interrupted. "The Veriphans have already hacked into your systems and done so. They will be escorting you back to your home planet."

"Understood."

"This will be the last contact you and I will have, Earl," Rumple said. "Do you have anything you want to say before I cut the communication?"

Earl snorted and shook his head. "It was fun while it lasted," he said, finally.

Rumple nodded, and the picture went out. Following this was the familiar sound of the ship's hyperdrive kicking in, as the space outside them began to distort.

For a while, nothing was said, as all eyes went to Rupert. He had still not moved from the position he had been in before, with his head down and his fists clenched.

"Erm… Sir?" Lenny started.

No reply came.

"Rupert?" Earl asked.

"They think this is over," Rupert muttered.

Earl paused, knowing he had to pick his words very carefully. "We'll come back from this…," he said finally. "No one can hold us down."

"They _THINK_ THIS IS _OVER!_ " Rupert screaming shooting up, and causing everyone to jump back. Even Earl was taken aback by the sudden outburst. "Well, they won't know what is coming for them! They won't know what pain is coming until it's already upon them! I will not sit by and let them destroy everything I have worked for!"

Rupert turned to Earl. The look in his eyes now fully showing that he had completely given in to insanity.

"Our work is not yet done, Earl! We start planning as soon as we get back to Zok! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

Earl took a couple steps back. "I'm sure we will," he said, solemnly.

* * *

A strange silence had fallen over the town. Calvin watched as the spaceships above him all slowly faded away before vanishing completely in the still blue sky.

"Do you think it was the best idea to give him another chance?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shrugged. "I've been dipping into my dark side a lot lately. A little mercy here and there is never bad thing."

"I really just think you keep saying that because you're trying to make yourself sound cool," Sherman interjected.

Calvin shrugged. "I very well could be. Can't say I know at this point."

"What about the human Rupert?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked around. It was at that point that he noticed Chill on his knees staring off into space with an expression of clear depression and dead emotion. He had straightened himself back up from Mrs Brainstorm's pinch, but didn't appear to register anyone around him. Calvin slowly approached the man.

"Rupert?" he asked, slowly.

Chill twitched and finally broke his gaze, turning and staring at Calvin.

"I'm… I'm sorry…," he whispered. "I'm… I'm really sorry."

Calvin looked Chill up and down. "It's… fine?" he said, finally. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah…," Chill said, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, I'm fine… I didn't… I didn't know you were Nick's boy…"

"Who's Nick?"

"I didn't know… I… I wouldn't have… I didn't mean to…," Chill slowly trailed off and continued staring off into space.

Calvin waited for him to continue.

Finally, he reached into his pocket and pulled the pendant out. His own hands shaking, he took Calvin's hands, and closed them over the pendant. "Your father was very brave, you know. He… He was a hero. I had never seen someone have that much enthusiasm and… and happiness despite everything he went through… He… He was just… It was an honor to have known him."

Calvin looked down at the pendant. The chain appeared to be gold and there was a small wire-wrapped ruby at the end of it. Above the actual ruby was a small plate with words engraved on it.

 _Nicolas Wolfe_

Looking back up, Calvin's eyes drooped as he saw the tears beginning to well up in Chill's eyes. "It's fine, Rupert," he said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He was a lucky man to have had you as a friend."

"No, he wasn't," Chill said, closing his eyes and clearly fighting the tears back. "But thank you… Thank you… You're a good kid…," Chill slowly began laying down in the road and turned his face towards the concrete, clearly hiding the tears that were now obviously streaming down his face.

Calvin stepped back and watched Chill with a solemn expression on his face.

"Is… is he okay?" Andy whispered, looking at Chill warily.

Calvin paused and looked over at Andy. "… I honestly don't know."

"Should we, like… do something about that?" Brainstorm asked.

"We probably need to call the police," Sherman said. "At the very least, we know he shouldn't be on his own."

"On it," Jack said, pressing a couple buttons on his wrist.

Calvin and Brainstorm turned and faced each other. There was an awkward silence.

"Soooo… I guess that's it then," Calvin said.

"Yeah…," Brainstorm said, slowly. "I suppose we'll just… be on our way then."

"Yeah…," Calvin agreed. "Gotta like... Fix the town up and such."

"Well, I mean, that shouldn't be too hard. All you have to do is use a concentrated time vortex to repair everything."

"FRANKLIN!" Mother Brainstorm was heard screaming, causing everyone to jump. "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Brainstorm stuck a finger in his ear and groaned. "I don't… I don't know what you mean, mother…"

"YOU LITERALLY JUST GAVE YOUR ARCH NEMISIS AN EASY FIX TO HIS PROBLEM!"

There was a silence as that slowly sank in for Brainstorm. His eyes squeezed shut.

"Dang it…," he growled.

Calvin chuckled, as he began walking away. "Maybe you aren't as bad as you think you are, Frank," he said.

Brainstorm whipped around. " _Don't_ you patronize _me_ , young man!" he screamed. "And why won't any just frickin' call me Doctor Brainstorm?! Is it _seriously_ that much to ask?!"

"SHUT UP, FRANK!"

"Yes mother…," Brainstorm said, quietly.

There was a silence, as the Brainstorms slowly began gathering their belongings to leave.

"Please don't tell my fan club I said that," Brainstorm grumbled to Jack.

"Depends on how much they continue to annoy me," Jack said, simply.

* * *

Mom's eyes slowly opened, as she peered up from behind the couch that herself, Dad and Max were hiding behind. It had been several minutes since the gunfire and laser blasts had stopped, but none of them had dared look outside to see why.

Dad and Max watched her cautiously, as she stood up and looked outside the window beside her, motioning for Dad to follow her.

The two stood up, and their expressions immediately changed from fear to confusion at what they saw. Everything was fixed. The lamp posts and stop lights had been repaired. The craters, bullet holes and scorch marks around the houses and roads were gone. Several houses that had been nearly demolished had been miraculously repaired, with no sign that anything had happened at all. There were no signs of any aliens or mad scientists alike. Mom and Dad exchanged confused glances. After everything that had happened that day, it had provided them with little surprise, but the whole surreal feeling still shook them a bit.

"Did…? What'd…? What happened?" Dad asked, scratching his head in confusion.

Mom shook her head, inching closer to the window to try and take it all in a bit more. Max had emerged by this point and was as well looking around in a stumped confusion.

It was then that they all noticed movement in the street. Still a bit jumpy, they all immediately fixed on it, before realizing who it was.

Calvin was walking down the street. In one hand he was holding his old beat up CD player while the other hand was supporting Hobbes draped over his shoulder. The boy was looking around the area surrounding him with an expression of satisfaction and triumph, as he peered around, as if in search of something that was still broken.

"Calvin!" Mom and Dad both shouted in unison as they charged for the front door. After a brief struggle of both of them trying to open the door at once, they managed to fling it open and dead sprint through the street towards their son.

Upon seeing them, Calvin nodded and waved.

This clearly wasn't enough for them, as they both tackled Calvin in a tight hug, causing him to drop both his CD player and Hobbes.

"ACK!" he shouted. "Come on, guys, I wasn't even gone for a whole three days this time!"

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Mom sobbed. "How did you get away from the kidnapper? What happened?!"

"I made things up as I went along. Like I always do," Calvin shrugged. "Usually ends up working out for me."

By this time, Max had come out as well and he was embracing Calvin as well. "By golly, Sport! I was worried sick about you!" He declared.

Calvin nodded. "I imagine, you haven't really be in the loop with all the stuff I regularly deal with."

"But… the aliens!" Dad said, stepping back and looking around. "They were… they were attacking… and some of them were going to kill some people and… and…"

"Yeah, that's all taken care of," Calvin nodded.

Mom, Dad and Max all stared at Calvin in bewilderment.

"How?!" they all asked in almost unison.

Calvin thought for a moment. Would this be the right time to try and convince them of everything he had accomplished? Aliens had touched down. Not only that, but they had attacked and made themselves more known than ever before. Some of them even referenced him. If there was ever a time to lay down the real facts, now was the time to do it.

He took a glance over at Hobbes, who shrugged and waved him on.

"Well, you see," he started. "I was using my time pauser to avoid getting shot from the ray gun of the leader of the aliens, but then I tripped and lost it, but right before he was going to shoot and kill me, the kidnapper came up and hit him over the head with a pretty sturdy looking stick, and then we watched him get beat on for a minute, then we stopped him and the alien and I exchanged dramatic end battle banter, I told him to leave and he… left."

Calvin studied his parent's faces closely to see how well they would take this information. For a while, their expressions were blank and unreadable, with only Max scratching his head as if struggling to decide whether or not to believe the boy.

Finally, Dad spoke.

"Right…," he said, slowly. "So… what _actually_ happened?"

Calvin chuckled and shook his head. He should have known.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** _Yeah, in case you couldn't tell, we're still playing fast and loose with the original continuity. Just one more chapter to go! Thanks for sticking with us!_


	16. Birthday Boy

**Author's Notes:** _Whoops! This is a day late. I'm blaming it on Thanksgiving. Anyway! Final chapter, and a bit of housekeeping below._

* * *

"Oh, what a joke!" Terry shouted. "There's no such thing as aliens!"

"Yeah, it was all a big hoax!" Mark said just as loudly. "If aliens really took over the world, why was nothing destroyed?"

"We don't _know_ what happened," Mom said patiently. "But it's all anyone could talk about these last few days!"

Dad nodded in agreement. "Everyone in town knows we were invaded. But because they didn't strike anywhere else before they disappeared, not a lot of people believe it."

"Not surprising," Aunt Sydney said. "I mean, if aliens were going to invade Earth, why would they only settle for _one neighborhood_? What's here that's so important?"

Mom and Dad looked at each other, and then they looked over at Calvin.

Calvin was playing with a new model airplane that his grandparents had gotten him for his birthday. The older couple watched and laughed as he ran around the room making airplane noises and buzzed it around his various other relatives, who were eating cake and ice cream.

They watched him for a few moments, full of concern, but then they looked at each other, and after a moment's thought, they just looked back at Sydney and shrugged. "Not a clue."

Uncle Max stood off in the corner, having overheard most of this. He had been chatting with some other family members, but he'd been concerned, too. He glanced in Calvin's direction, then at his brother and sister-in-law. Whatever had been going on, it was clearly bigger than they were willing to give credit for.

But then, his brother had always been a bit closed-minded.

Terry and Mark were still bickering, shoving and kicking, but then they saw Calvin as well, having a little _too_ much fun for their liking. They saw him playing with that plane, and pure resentment blossomed in their chests.

"Hey, twerp!" Terry snapped. "It's _our_ turn to play with that!"

Calvin spun around and immediately tried to hide the plane. "Hey, it's _my_ plane!" he snapped. "It's _my_ birthday! I don't have to share anything!"

"Hey, you may be seven now, but you're _still_ younger than us!" Mark snarled. "That means you have to do what _we_ say!"

"No! Get away!"

Calvin turned and ran around the room while Terry and Mark swiped at him and called him names. They were just about to grab him when they both felt stinging pain in their ears, and they realized it was from their mother's long pink fingernails digging into them, holding them in place.

"Okay, that's it!" she snapped. "Either shape up and be nice to your cousin, or you're both going to start the school year on the _ballet_ team! Understood?"

Both boys blanched, their supposed manhood at stake. They slouched as Sydney released their ears and sullenly walked away.

"Calvin, I'm sorry about them," Sydney said sadly. "Puberty is an ugly thing. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but… maybe ignore sports and take up art or something?"

Calvin, feeling very relieved, just nodded thoughtfully. "I'll consider it," he told her, already tucking away an idea for later.

Content that the crazy had died down, the adults all proceeded to form small groups and chat together, some doting over little baby cousin Dana, and others swapping recent anecdotes. Calvin looked around at the various toys he'd gotten for his birthday, not to mention the cake that he was sad probably wouldn't last until dinner.

It was so strange. Just a few days ago, it had seemed as though the world would never be the same again, and yet, here everyone was, going about their business as if nothing had ever happened. The world had been flat out invaded, and yet, no one was completely convinced the invasion had ever took place. He wasn't sure if he was okay with that.

He shook his head. _Maturity bites sometimes_ , he thought.

Then he glanced towards the back window and spotted a very welcome face. Hobbes was waving at him and motioning towards the backdoor. Checking to make sure the coast was clear, he ducked through the crowd and snuck outside. He found his friend lounging on the back porch.

"Well, well, well," Hobbes remarked. "Look at you. After all these years, how's it feel to be seven-years-old?"

"Like I'm still nine years away from driving," Calvin grumbled, sitting down next to him in a pout.

"Considering that you have a CD player that can transport you anywhere and anywhen, wouldn't a driver's license be a bit superfluous?"

"It's the principle of the matter."

Hobbes rolled his eyes and leaned back in his spot. "Well, Andy and Sherman are hanging out with Andy's parents. Since they're amongst the few that believe that it happened, they've been spending a lot more time together."

"Fair enough," Calvin nodded. "Mom and Dad still seem to be processing everything since they were at the heart of it, so I guess we'll see what happens. How about Socrates?"

"He and Elliot were on a spontaneous trip with his family in the Bahamas, but their return flight gets in this afternoon. He's itching to birthday prank you, so be on your toes."

"Wonderful… How's the neighborhood doing?"

"Recovering, as far as I could see… Some people still seem a bit scared to leave their homes, but the rest are out and about, living their lives again. I guess humans need a little routine to deal with trauma. Nothing to do but live."

He threw a glance over at the birthday boy. He looked pensive, staring off into space.

"Working on your thousand yard stare?"

Calvin blinked but didn't look at him. "Something's coming…"

"What's coming?"

"I don't know. I hate not knowing. But it isn't over. Rupert's going to be back someday. I don't know when, but he's coming. I just hope we're ready for him."

Hobbes reached over and put a reassuring paw on his friend's shoulder. "Well, he'll be in for a surprise, won't he? He was just messing with a six-year-old kid before. Now he'll have to contend with a seven-year-old _man_."

Calvin rolled his eyes, but an amused grin split across his face. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

At that moment, they heard the backdoor open and shut, and footsteps headed their way. They glanced back, and they were surprised to see Uncle Max come out to join them. He sat down next to Calvin.

"Hey, sport," he said in a light tone. "Enjoying your birthday?"

"Well, the visiting family members have been variable, between all the hair-tousling, cheek-pinching and head-patting, but the gifts were adequate and the cake was decent, so I'd give it three stars."

Max chuckled. "You've always had a way with words, Calvin… How're you doing?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Well, considering you were kidnapped about a week ago, there was an alien invasion, and you returned home without a scratch, you'd be entitled to a bit of emotional scarring."

"Meh. I'm okay. I made it through Miss Wormwood's first grade class. I'll be fine."

Max's mustache twitched a bit as he tilted his head to look the boy over. The boy raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Still think your old Uncle Max is a dim-watt bulb, eh?"

"Huh?"

Max leaned back on the porch, stretching his long legs out. "You know, your father was always a tad clueless growing up. Heck, he didn't even notice your mom liked him until they'd known each other for about three years, and even then, I had to point it out to him."

Calvin snickered at the thought.

Max continued. "So you'll have to forgive him if he doesn't always notice what's up. Because it's not that he doesn't care. He does. It's just… he's off in his own little world sometimes, where bikes rule the world and the only way to communicate is semaphore flags. So you just need to be patient with him."

Calvin looked at him for a long moment. "Uncle Max… do you have any idea what it is I'm trying to get him and Mom to notice?"

"Not entirely. But I can tell that's the problem. Am I right?"

"… Yeah, you are, actually. Which is bizarre, frankly. Probably because you don't actually live around here."

Max patted him on the shoulder. "Well, just stay patient, kiddo. Whatever it is, it'll work itself out. Interesting thing about life. It gets harder as you get older, and yet, through some miracle, it just keeps a-happening. You think turning seven is a big deal? You've got loads more birthdays to come, and loads more wonderful things will happen."

Calvin looked up at his rarely-seen uncle with newfound appreciation before reaching over and hugging him. "Thanks for not saying, 'it will build character'," he said.

Max laughed loudly at that and rubbed the boy's shoulder fondly.

In that moment, they heard footsteps coming from another direction. They turned to look and saw Susie was coming around the house, clearly uncomfortable about doing so.

"Hey…," she said quietly.

"Hey," Calvin replied, his confusion apparent.

"Calvin, who's this?" Max asked, looking at the newcomer.

"Oh, this is Susie. She lives a few doors down. Susie, this is my Uncle Max."

"Hi," Susie said, waving shyly.

Max waved hello so as not to scare her off.

"What exactly are you doing here?" Calvin asked her.

Susie shuffled her feet, clearly embarrassed. "Well, I just… I didn't realize you would have company over, but well, during the whole… alien thing… or whatever it was… Well, some guy came through my house. I think he was a looter. Anyway, he had this USB drive and used it on my computer. It had… a message for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah, it was a video. There was Hobbes, and another tiger, and a hamster, and then Andy was on it…"

She held out the small electronic device for him to see. He took it and examined it carefully. "Huh. Weird," he said.

Then he remembered that Susie was still standing there in front of him, and he wondered how to handle the situation. Part of him wanted to throw a pinecone at her and call her a slimy girl like he always did, but somehow, that didn't seem right, given the circumstances. After all, it _was_ a nice thing of her to come around and bring this to him.

After a moment's pause, he finally found his voice. "Uh, Uncle Max, can you take Susie inside for cake and ice cream? I need a moment with Hobbes," he said, shooting his uncle a meaningful look.

Max nodded. "No problem, Cal. Anything you say." He got up and motioned for Susie to follow him. "Come along, li'l lady," he said politely. "Best chocolate cake in the world awaits."

"Oh, thank you!" said Susie, somewhat surprised by Calvin's generosity. "Thanks, Calvin!"

Calvin waved her off. "Go on, get going. Manja, manja," he said, still eyeing the USB drive.

Susie followed Max into the house, leaving Calvin alone with Hobbes once more.

"So…," Calvin said, giving his best friend a suspicious look. "What's this all about?"

"Oh, it's just a little thing we all pitched in on for your birthday. Seeing as how none of us actually _have_ money, we thought this would be nice instead."

Calvin raised an eyebrow. "What am I supposed to play it on? Dad doesn't have a recent enough computer."

There was a sudden flash of electricity, and MTM burgeoned into existence on the ground in front of them. "I believe that was my cue," he announced.

"Looking into the future, MTM?" Hobbes asked knowingly.

"It's a filthy habit, I know," MTM replied. "I'm trying to give it up. But I believe you'll find that I have a USB port installed, Calvin."

"You do?" Calvin was surprised. "Since when?"

"Since I decided to have one. Been doing a lot of my own upgrades lately."

Hobbes blinked. "That's… kind of scary, actually."

"Do you want to watch the video or not?"

Calvin rolled his eyes searched for the USB port, and he was indeed surprised that his late-nineties CD player had somehow acquired one that sat nestled in the back of his casing. He plugged in the drive and watched a colored hologram was projected for them to see. It was Socrates, holding up his smartphone before apparently passing it off to someone.

" _Okay, Elliot, hold it steady…_ ," he said to the off-screen cameraman. " _Calvin, my man! If you're watching this, it's hopefully on your seventh birthday! Your first birthday in decades! You didn't want a huge blowout hootenanny, so we're making this instead! You know, when we first met, you absolutely hated me and wished me dead. Now, all these years later, you still hate me, but hey, we're friends now, so it doesn't matter. And even when we weren't technically friends, you would always lead the charge to rescue me the many,_ many _times I got into trouble. You always said it was to protect the transmitter chip in my brain, but we all know you couldn't let anyone fall victim to extreme danger, even if it_ was _someone you didn't like! I hope that nobility continues through the rest of your birthdays – primarily because I plan on getting into all kinds of trouble in the future!_ "

On his usual manic grin, the shot changed from Socrates to Sherman, who waited for his cue before speaking.

" _Ah, birthdays_ ," he said in his usual superior tone. " _We didn't used to celebrate them. That was a pagan tradition. Most Christians avoided it simply because the Pagans were doing it. Pagans believed that evil spirits lurked on the days of major changes in one's life, so we have the birthday candles ward them off. The Germans are the earliest known culture to use them, although also had extra candles to connote upcoming years. Of course, we've rendered that useless by having those big 'number' candles… I know you probably rolled your eyes at least twice during that history lesson. But I also know that you like to learn. Honestly, once we unlocked your curiosity, it amazed me how quickly you absorbed knowledge! I think you'll do just fine in second grade. Of course, if you ever need tutoring again, I'm always down in the lab. Happy Birthday, Calvin._ "

The shot then changed to Hobbes.

" _Okay, let's see… Wow, what can be said that hasn't already been said? It's a frightening thought – you growing up. Getting older. Good grief, if you get too tall, I won't be able to pounce you anymore! Not that I won't keep trying… Man, this is harder than I thought it was going to be… Look, I know this is all overly-sentimental, and we're not big on that sort of thing, but I just want you to know that… you're my best friend in the whole world, little buddy. I'm proud of what you've accomplished – even if what you accomplished almost got us all killed multiple times. No matter how old you get, no matter where your life takes you, I will always be there. Happy Birthday._ "

Then shot switched to the one of Andy.

" _Now?_ " he asked, and after receiving a silent answer, he continued, " _Okay. Hi, Calvin! Andy here! Bet your birthday is going to be amazing! I remember when_ I _turned seven… Of course, it was almost fourteen years ago, but meh, whatever. It's a time of great change and great opportunity. Of course, being homeschooled, I know very little about the particulars of second grade, but if you have any worries about getting older, just ask me, and I'll tell you all the secrets I can. After all, I'm only two years older. Well, one and a half. Kind of. Man, this is complicated…_ _Anyway! Happy seventh birthday, Calvin!_ "

Then the shot changed to all four of them, all waving at the camera.

" _HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CALVIN!_ " they all said together.

They held their smiles and kept waving for a few seconds.

"… _Are we done? Can we stop smiling now?_ " Sherman whispered.

" _Keep holding a little longer…_ ," Socrates hissed.

They stood there a while longer, still grinning like idiots, but now their faces were sagging a bit around the smiles.

" _Socrates, I think he gets the point now,_ " Andy hissed through gritted teeth. " _He probably thinks this is creepy_."

" _Smile, darn you!_ " Socrates replied through his own teeth. " _Smiles make everything better!_ "

" _Not when they exceed five seconds, they don't_ ," Hobbes replied.

" _Just keep smiling!_ "

" _My face is going numb_ ," Sherman hissed. " _Elliot, just cut already!_ "

" _No, don't!_ "

Then the hologram flickered and retracted back into the MTM.

"The end," the CD player announced.

Calvin smirked. "Remind to never let Socrates direct any movies."

Hobbes shrugged. "Scorsese, he ain't."

They sat in silence for a moment before Calvin looked over at his friend. "You'll always be there, huh?"

Hobbes thought for a moment. "Well… I think you're old enough now that you can go to the bathroom by yourself, but other than that…"

Calvin smiled and pulled his friend into a hug, which he gladly returned.

"Thanks, Hobbes," he said quietly.

"Only the best for you, little buddy," Hobbes replied. "Can't wait to see what you're going to do for _my_ birthday!"

Calvin blinked. "… And that's _when_ exactly?"

"Good question. I'll throw a dart at the calendar and go from there."

Calvin rolled his eyes and pulled away. He glanced back at the houseful of relatives and grimaced. "I _really_ don't want to go back in there."

"Want to go look for our friends? They might all be back by now."

"Excellent idea. After all, it _is_ summer – a time to be spent doing nothing. Now let's hurry before Mom and Dad notice we're gone!"

With matching grins, the two friends ran from the back porch and towards the sidewalk, heading off into the neighborhood.

* * *

In prison, Rupert Chill rolled over in his cell at the sound of his door being unlocked. He blinked the blurriness from his vision and focused on the guard that stood with the key, looking at him with a neutral expression.

"Come on, Chill," the guard said. "You've got a visitor."

"… A visitor? Me?"

"Yeah, come on. You could do with some cheering up."

Chill rolled onto his back and off the bunk, brushing imaginary dust off his orange jumpsuit. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and his hair was a mess. He staggered his way over as the guard put handcuffs on him and led him through the complex towards the visitor's area. The handcuffs were really a formality at this point. Chill hadn't shown any signs of trying to escape the entire time he'd been in prison. It was as if all the fight had gone out of him. His mad energy had been depleted.

A few minutes later, he had been escorted into the visitor's area, with the chairs, the phones and the bulletproof glass. His eyes briefly scanned across the other inmates that were present, all talking to people in hushed tones. He looked at the other side of the room, trying to spot who might've come to see him. It took him a while.

But then his eyes finally locked with another man who seemed very similar to him. A little older, and yet somehow looked younger. Presumably, he hadn't lived the stressful criminal life that Chill had. This man was staring at him intently.

Chill blinked heavily, trying to figure out who it was.

The guards led him to one of the chairs and helped him sit down. He fumbled for the phone and took it as the other man sat down opposite him and took his as well.

"Hello, Rupert," the man said calmly.

Chill squinted a little harder, and then it began to occur to him. No wonder the man looked so familiar.

"… John?" he asked hoarsely.

John Howard Chill nodded as a faint smile cracked his face. "Yeah… it's been a long time."

Chill stared at him shock for a long moment. It was an awkward silence before John cleared his throat and tried speaking again.

"I… I'm sorry I never visited last time you were here… I just didn't know how to face what you'd done. What you'd become. But when I heard you'd given yourself up…"

Chill just nodded numbly.

John fumbled a bit, still not sure what to say. "Um… it's good to see you."

Chill seemed genuinely surprised to hear that, but he nodded slowly. "Yeah… you, too."

They both smiled uncomfortably, but they both slid into silence once more.

Finally, John reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "They said I could let you have this," he said.

Chill looked at the object he held up and felt a lurch in his stomach as several emotions smothered his brain.

John put the object in a small drawer beneath the glass and closed it. Chill opened it on the other side and pulled it out.

It was a slightly-crumpled polaroid of the two brothers and Nick. The three of them, so long ago and so much younger, had their arms around each other, with easy laughing expressions on their faces. Even the young Chill was at ease and clearly enjoying himself.

Chill could remember when this photo was taken. "We'd gotten some stranger on the street to take this photo," he whispered into the phone. "He was so annoyed."

"And it took him three tries because he didn't know how to use my camera," John added, a small smile stretching across his face.

"Don't know why you didn't just get a disposable camera. They were all the rage…"

"Yeah, well, it was as close as we could get to an instantaneous photo, since smartphones weren't a thing yet."

The two brothers laughed at this as tears began to pour down their weathered faces and Chill held onto the photo.

It would be a long road to recovery, but John would visit his brother as often as he could while he was in prison, ensuring that Chill never lost touch with the outside world and nurtured his humanity.

And that photo of the three of them would hang in Chill's jail cell as a reminder of the men whose standards he'd adhere to.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** _Yay! We made it! I hope you all enjoyed that! Leave a review!_

 _Moving on a step, I'm happy to say that Swing and I are currently in the process of rewriting_ Trouble Island, _but we probably won't have it ready for posting until Spring 2018 at the latest. The main reason for this is because we are both working on a non-fanfiction project. Not much to say on that right now, but maybe in the future. We also have plans to rewrite_ Retro Chill _, but that's much later in the process. So don't worry. There's plenty more to look forward to in the future. Just keep 'em peeled._

 _All right, that's about it! See you in the funny pages!_


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